# A Bad Pun **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 23, 2002, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745 "2002-03-23T20:46:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2002, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/1 "2002-03-23T20:46:44Z")
This is a test of the emergency pun system. Posters on this board, in voluntary cooperation with the Central Pun Authority are conducting this test. Had this been an actual Pun emergency, you would have been instructed which threads to go to in your forum.: So did you hear about the guy who sold his soul? Seems the deal was that he traded his soul to be ruler of Hell when he died. Boy, was he cheated! Turns out, Hell is a Republic, so th’ poor guy ended up being Faust among equals. And of course, there’s the old Abbot and Costello routine about th’ guy’s grave. You’ve heard it; “Who’s on Faust”? \< rimshot \> This has been a test of the Emergency Pun System. You may return to your regularly scheduled MPSIMS, already in progress. This was only a test Fenris, with the Civilian Pun Authority Fenris ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2002, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/2 "2002-03-23T21:06:37Z")
a pun with both classical and contemporary references, as well as references to comedy and drama. well done (oops, I thought I was posting in your restaurant pit thread) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/3 "2002-03-23T22:25:05Z")
Ahhh, Abbot and Costello, you are the King of double entendres! or as Stalin said, why hesistate to pun-ish when you are king, after all, you have all the armed forces, and how many canons does the Pope have? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@CrazyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2002, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/4 "2002-03-23T23:12:21Z")
Happiness is a warn pun damn… that didn’t work curses ---
**Author:** ![CrazyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@CrazyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2002, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/5 "2002-03-23T23:13:45Z")
make that warm. blargh… it still doesn’t work ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2002, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/6 "2002-03-24T05:28:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > This is a test of the emergency pun system. ::walks in with donut in hand:: I’m here. Got lost in forum 12. What’d I miss? ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/7 "2002-03-24T20:44:33Z")
I’m still trying to figure out this thing about the first prize-fighter turned aviator in the Bible. Punches Pilot. ---
**Author:** ![iconoplast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3d9bf3/32.png) [@iconoplast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iconoplast)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2002, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/8 "2002-03-24T20:59:34Z")
I was talking with a friend earlier about how nice it was to finally have sunshine. It was the most enlightening conversation I’d had in ages. no? Okay… We later discussed the need of some people to drive with speed, enthusiasm, and style. While this may be admirable, it has a nasty tendency to result in problems. Namely, you’d verve off the road and panache into a tree. (note: both of these really did come up in conversation, albeit separate ones.) ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/9 "2002-03-24T22:10:34Z")
\ Eeeeverybody wants ta get inta da act! \ ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/10 "2002-03-25T13:43:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*\ > Eeeeverybody wants ta get inta da act! > \ \*\* Ah, Durante. He had some good songs, but he also had a few really good one liners too. In fact, I wish I could zing like Durante. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/11 "2002-03-25T18:53:05Z")
A straightline, you are of course aware, is the shortest distance between two puns. ---
**Author:** ![rubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubes)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2002, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/12 "2002-03-25T21:10:36Z")
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2002, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/13 "2002-03-25T23:50:34Z")
Oh, Fenris - you left a couple things out of the OP. You forgot that during the Abbot and Costello routine, the worms were enjoying the earliest know example of Faust food. Or the little known Hollywood movie about the surfer that sells his soul - Faust’s Times at Ridgemont High. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/14 "2002-03-26T00:42:27Z")
Q: Why did President Bush order the bombing of the door to the Wright Brother’s home? A: He was after the access of Orville. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/15 "2002-03-28T01:41:42Z")
I don’t suppose you’d want to hear about how lightning struck the henhouse last night and we all had sudden fried chicken. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/16 "2002-03-28T12:42:16Z")
A recent edition of Entertainment Weekly devotes a couple of paragraphs to Michael Caine’s role as Austin Powers’ father in the upcoming _Austin Powers_ film. The article states that Austin’s father won’t dress quite as outlandishly as Austin. In other words, he’s not so “Austin-tacious.” :: rim shot :: ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/17 "2002-03-28T13:03:03Z")
Y’all will (of course) have heard of the baker who refused to bake buns in his ovens. His reason? Simple really, he just felt (as many do) that the bun was the lowest form of wheat. 😉 Gp ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/18 "2002-03-28T16:54:21Z")
Were you aware that H.M.G. had created a new ministry, charged with increasing tourism in those islands off the coast of Cornwall, largely by making scenic points and other tourist attractions more accessible by constructing paved pathways leading between them? Or that the Weather Channel recently illustrated a special on winter weather by showing Ms. Street the Olympic skier in full uniform next to a small ornamental tree that had been covered with ice in a sleetstorm? The punchlines are left as an exercise for the reader. ---
**Author:** ![Doubting\_Robert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e495f1/32.png) [@Doubting\_Robert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doubting_Robert)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/19 "2002-03-28T19:32:35Z")
Okay, **Polycarp** , I’ll admit it. I have no idea what the punchline is to either of your puns. Please take pity on me (and all you other guys who are too proud to beg) and provide the punchlines. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745/20 "2002-03-28T19:45:25Z")
Why, the first one is obviously the Pythonesque Ministry of Scilly Walks, and the latter caption is clearly, “Picabo, icy yew” 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bad-pun/99745.md?page=2)