# A big fat 'WELCOME HOME' pit to my brother **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 21, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266 "2007-11-21T00:54:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/21 "2007-11-22T00:51:58Z")
[QUOTE=Swampwolf] I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let this pass. Did you notice the bit about him being shipped off overseas to Iraq? Where we’re at war? And a death by “gittin’ blowed up” isn’t unlikely? I dare you to have a child go off to war and spend your days whistling contentedly. [/QUOTE] Yes, I noticed that bit. Yes, I worry and stress about my friends in Iraq, and yes, I would imagine that if I had a child in Iraq I would be considerably more worried and stressed. I don’t expect the poor woman to be chipper and tear-free. And I do understand that people deal with worry in different ways. However, if she is literally (as reported) making herself sick with grief and so upset that any mention of her son’s deployment is enough to cause uncontrollable weeping, then she needs some kind of help. That level of dysfunctional upset is unhealthy, particularly if you remember that the man is still hale and whole. msichievous ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/22 "2007-11-22T02:05:10Z")
[QUOTE=KGS] Why do you hate spelling? [/QUOTE] > **[Urban Dictionary: whimp](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whimp)** > > whimp: In the 1940s, the word "weakling" or "whimp" was used before the word "nerd" was used widely. O, wate, I’m supossed to icnore yew, wright? ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/23 "2007-11-22T09:35:06Z")
[QUOTE=KGS] Why do you hate spelling? [/QUOTE] Why do you hate originality? ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/24 "2007-11-22T10:26:55Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] Why do you hate originality? [/QUOTE] Why do you hate hatred? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/25 "2007-11-22T14:19:46Z")
I hate all of you. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/26 "2007-11-22T15:35:32Z")
Please, sir, may I hate some more? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/27 "2007-11-22T16:36:37Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] Please, sir, may I hate some more? [/QUOTE] Finally…! Now, its Thanksgiving!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/28 "2007-11-22T16:53:14Z")
> [@](#): > > **Sapo** : The guy is a dick, but I think the major problem here is mom’s unreasonable expectations of his son the dick being something other than the dick he has always been. Mothers often are like that. They keep hoping that this time it will be different and that their children will love them back. This son is emotionally abusive and a coward. He needs to tell her straight out what his plans are and stick to them. And she needs to respect what he wants. To the OP: Can you talk to your Dad to let him know what this is doing to the family? If not, I would blackmail the brother. Either he spents _pleasant_ time with Mom or you rat him out to his C.O. If he doesn’t want a lot of family around or a party, that’s fine. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/29 "2007-11-22T19:31:15Z")
Rat him out about what? ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2007, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/30 "2007-11-23T00:19:08Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] Why do you hate originality? [/QUOTE] I pity a man who only knows one way to spell a word. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2007, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/31 "2007-11-23T00:24:19Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] You’ve got a little _Camembert_ clinging to your _moustache mousquetaire_ there, Pierre. [/QUOTE] Well, you missed the greasy cheese stains on my white flag, but otherwise you nailed it. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2007, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/32 "2007-11-23T17:06:23Z")
[QUOTE=mischievous] Yes, I noticed that bit. Yes, I worry and stress about my friends in Iraq, and yes, I would imagine that if I had a child in Iraq I would be considerably more worried and stressed. I don’t expect the poor woman to be chipper and tear-free. And I do understand that people deal with worry in different ways. However, if she is literally (as reported) making herself sick with grief and so upset that any mention of her son’s deployment is enough to cause uncontrollable weeping, then she needs some kind of help. That level of dysfunctional upset is unhealthy, particularly if you remember that the man is still hale and whole. msichievous [/QUOTE] I’ve been lurking in this thread for a while, and, while I sympathize with the mom and think that the son is being an asshole, I agree with the above. This woman reminds me very much of my own mom, who cried so hard when I was mugged that, even though I almost got shot in the head, I found myself having to comfort her first before I could deal with any after-effects of my own. It pissed me off to no end and made me not want to see her at all for a long time. When it happened, everything was about her. “I was so worried. I was so scared. I’m so upset.” She never even bothered to ask me if I was okay and how I was dealing with it. She didn’t care - she was just worried about how she felt. After a while, I couldn’t have cared less how she felt about it. In fact, I was so upset by that experience that I never told her that I was mugged a second time at gunpoint because I didn’t want to have to deal with her shit while I dealt with my own emotions. It just wasn’t worth it to me to have to comfort her even though I was the one who could have gotten shot. Obviously, being shipped off to a war is a far different situation, but if you constantly have to comfort someone else when you’re the one being put in danger and you’re the one who’s seeing the atrocities of a war, it seems normal to me that you wouldn’t want to be around that person, even if they are your family. In my opinion, that’s one of the things you do for the people you love - when they go into a situation where they’re probably scared shitless, even if you’re scared for them, you need to be there for them, not the other way around. On a side note, do the mom and dad not communicate at all? I know they’re divorced, but it seems like the dad could have told the mom as well about the early flight or at least called to coordinate a little bit. At least that’s what my parents do for holidays and they’ve been divorced for years. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2007, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266/33 "2007-11-24T04:02:30Z")
If he’s going back to Iraq, he probably needs to steel himself a little. I don’t think seeing his mother dissolve into tears regularly is going to help him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-big-fat-welcome-home-pit-to-my-brother/427266.md?page=1)