# A Bin Laden Family Thanksgiving **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568 "2001-11-27T19:36:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/1 "2001-11-27T19:36:46Z")
“LONDON (Reuters) - Bin Laden Group, the business empire owned by relatives of the world’s most wanted man, is seeking advice from British public relations firms on how to distance itself from the black sheep of the family . . . The bin Laden family has repeatedly condemned the September 11 attacks and has been quick to point out that it disowned Osama many years ago when he lost his Saudi Arabian citizenship . . . `‘It is a big family. There is a black sheep in every big family,’’ Osama’s sibling Abdullah Mohammed bin Laden told The Boston Globe newspaper last month.” —Boy. Can you imagine Thanksgiving at the bin Laden house? With Osama banished to the dreaded Kiddie Table? Not given any drumsticks? “I’ll go and get the pumpkin pie,” says Ma bin Laden, “unless OSAMA has destroyed that, TOO.” I’d love to get a load of her mimeographed New Year’s greetings: “Pauly graduated from high school. The twins have learned to talk. And Osama killed 8,000 people and became the most wanted criminal in the world.” ---
**Author:** ![D18](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@D18](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D18)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/2 "2001-11-27T19:53:17Z")
[June Cleaver] Eve, that’s so **special** to be concerned about the Bin Ladens! But don’t you worry any more about it, because American Thanksgiving fell during [Ramadan](http://www.rog.nmm.ac.uk/leaflets/special/ramadan.html) this year so they were all fasting. Now be a dear and pass the gravy. [/June Cleaver] ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/3 "2001-11-27T20:14:36Z")
Uncle Carl Bin Laudin: Margret, how do you manage to get prettier and prettier every year? Margaret Bin Laudin: Carl, you old flatter you! Come on in! Osama Bin Laudin: **Where is your veil, whore!!!** Uncle Carl: Oh ho! Somebody’s turbin is in a twist today! Margaret Bin Laudin: Oh, ignore him. Cluster bomb knocked out half the Taleban football team and he’s been in a mood all morning. Uncle Carl: I know a gloomy Gus who need a tickle jihad!! Osama Bin Laudin: Stop it! Stop it!! Uncle Carl: Tickle jihad! Tickle jihad!! Osama Bin Laudin: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Infidel! The… ha, ha, ha! The streets will run red with your blood!!! Uncle Carl: So who invited him anyway? Margaret Bin Laudin: Oh, he sorta’ invited himself. Moping around for weeks. Dropping hints and threatening to cane me and his sisters… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/4 "2001-11-27T20:23:01Z")
Tickle jihad? Heh heh heh. I sure did. ::stumbles off laughing at Inky:: ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/5 "2001-11-27T20:31:05Z")
Inky . . . I’m so glad someone else gets the same warped scenarios running through their mind at certain Newswire stories . . . Timmy bin laden: “Mommy! Mommy! Uncle Osama chopped off Betsy’s hand! And the blood got in the STUFFING!” Osama: “The little whore wanted to watch the evil of Frosty the Snowman on the satanic VCR!” Timmy: “Ewww . . . I can’t eat stuffing with BLOOD in it!” Mama bin Laden: “Oh, Osama, WHAT am I going to DO with you? Take Betsy’s hand to the garbage disposal and bring back some fresh stuffing with you.” Papa bin Laden: "And no firing handheld missles at the Goldfarbs next door—we have so few neighbors who will still come to our bridge nights . . . " ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/6 "2001-11-27T22:18:51Z")
::Colin Powell rings doorbell:: Ding dong! A bomb falling! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/7 "2001-11-27T22:55:05Z")
Grandma Bin Laden: Osama, Sweetie, get those crumbs out of your beard! _spits into napkin, wipes at Osama’s face_ Osama Bin Laden: Drop dead, you evil whore. Where is your burqa! Grandma Bin Laden: Oh, dear, somebody’s grumpy-I think you need a nap! ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/8 "2001-11-27T23:11:31Z")
Papa bin Laden: “Now behave, son, or you won’t get to inherit any of my millions after I die. Oh, wait, too late…” ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2001, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/9 "2001-11-27T23:53:36Z")
bravo, inky, bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/10 "2001-11-28T14:20:27Z")
My favorite quote in the original story was, “There is a black sheep in every big family,” which I really think has to take the Vast Understatement Award for 2001. I’d love to hear the family reuinion tales of Betsy Hitler, Stanley Stalin and Minnie Mao . . . ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/11 "2001-11-28T14:49:52Z")
Osama: After the game I will stone Ethel, the evil whore. I can see her ankle. She has no shame. Uncle Carl: You haven’t heard that cousin Ethel got married? Where have you been? Osama: I keep telling you, I’ve been in a cave. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/12 "2001-11-28T18:41:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*My favorite quote in the original story was, “There is a black sheep in every big family,” which I really think has to take the Vast Understatement Award for 2001. I’d love to hear the family reuinion tales of Betsy Hitler, Stanley Stalin and Minnie Mao . . . \*\* [Not Betsy. **Bridget** Hitler.](http://www.iol.ie/~irishrts/HitlerArticle.html) And I thought _my_ family in Liverpool was embarrassing… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2001, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/13 "2001-11-30T07:48:28Z")
But look at the bright side. At least no one will need to ask “So, Osama, whatcha been up to lately?” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/14 "2001-11-30T12:34:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steve Wright \* > And I thought _my_ family in Liverpool was embarrassing… \*\* That reminds me of a TRUE STORY a friend told me recently: "Yesterday, I was on the bus travelling home from work. A man of Arabic-appearance got off at the stop before mine and I noticed that he had left his bag behind. I grabbed the bag and ran after him, caught up with him and handed him back his bag. He was extremely grateful to me and when he checked the contents of his bag I noticed what appeared to be large bundles of banknotes and white powder. He looked round, made sure nobody was looking and whispered to me: “I can never repay you for all your kindness sir, but I will try to, with a word of advice for you and your friends: Tell everyone you care about to stay away from Liverpool.” I was terrified. “Is there going to be a terrorist attack?” I whispered. “No, sir”, he whispered back “It’s a shithole.” ---
**Author:** ![Lolita42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e99b99/32.png) [@Lolita42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lolita42)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2001, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/15 "2001-12-07T08:09:45Z")
I’m disappointed this thread hasn’t gotten any further… _Is that anthrax on the pumpkin pie? No… it’s just powdered sugar, silly._ ---
**Author:** ![ProudNative](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@ProudNative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProudNative)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/16 "2003-09-13T07:56:19Z")
An Open Letter to Terrorists I don’t know your name, or names - we may never know who you are - so I can’t address you personally. You killed several thousands of our friends…perhaps not people who we knew personally, but people like us. People who worked hard to make a living, who loved someone, who were loved by someone, who worried about making a better life for their children and grandchildren, who believed in God and the American Dream, who criticized this country for its insufficiencies and cared enough to try and change things and ensure a better future, not just for us, but for the world. People who leave behind scores of loved ones, friends, pets, neighbors, coworkers, and members of their faiths. Perhaps even people who derived from your own country and who sought refuge here. Your act was a slaughter of the innocents. You are like an insidious cancer that strikes without warning, ravages bodies, tears families apart, and in the end can never destroy the soul. You are the ultimate coward. You may topple our buildings, collapse our communication systems, disrupt our government, crash our markets, and leave behind the carnage of bodies, but you will never destroy the soul of America. We made this country from the bits and pieces of the rest of the world; we took the best, the worst of every culture and nationality, race and creed, and made an alloy that may be dented, but not even a trial by fire can melt. I don’t know what God you believe in, or what hateful rhetoric you espouse, or what your misguided political beliefs might be that allows you to do what you did today without a fear of eternal damnation. I only know that you may win a battle or two, but you will never win this war! We have the entire history of the world on our side, and no dictator, despot, or madman has survived as long as America has thrived and prospered. If you accomplished anything at all today, it was to give America a wake-up call, and we will now rise up stronger than before. You are defeated before you’ve even begun, there in your private hell and later in your eternal one. Someday your people may even need our help, and because we are America, we would respond. May God bless the friends we lost, their families, friends, neighbors and coworkers. We will help them rebuild from the ashes. May God continue to bless America, help her to protect us all, and may she continue to shine as a beacon of democracy and hope to the rest of the world. Poem by: Jim Willis 2001© _A note from the author: “In deepest sympathy to those who have lost a loved one. Permission to share.”_ Praise God, The Flag Still Flies! _edited to append italicized note from the author concerning copyrights - if only the poster had followed the author’s request. - ub_ ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/17 "2003-09-13T08:12:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Boy. Can you imagine Thanksgiving at the bin Laden house? Mom bin Laden: Osama, you didn’t invite that Omar boy over, did you? Osama: Of course I did, woman! You said I could bring a friend. Who are to order me about? MBL: I’m telling you, Sammie, I just don’t like the look of him. OBL: That’s what you said about Saddam, and all the cool kids hang out with him. MBL: Sammie, if all the cool kids were fighting a jihad against the infidels, would you do it? OBL: Of course! MBL: Irving, get in here and talk to your son, please! Irving bin Laden: Not now, the game is on! Detroit is losing. I put 500 dinars on those infidels! ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/18 "2003-09-13T08:23:06Z")
Irving bin Laden??? OMFG!!! I can’t breath!!! LOL!!! Delbert bin Landen: I suppose lil Sama gets the wishbone all to himself again this year. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/19 "2003-09-13T16:38:04Z")
Dad bin Laden: Osama, would you like to cut the turkey? Osama: (waving the electric cutter over his head wildly) The streets will run with your blood, infidel, and then I will claim my place in paradi… Dad: _sighs_ Do you have to do this every year? Just cut the turkey! Osama: But daaaaaaaaad, I work all yeeeeeeear on that speech! Mom bin Laden: Oh, Harold, let the boy say his speech… ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-bin-laden-family-thanksgiving/95568/20 "2003-09-13T17:40:57Z")
“Well, we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, ‘Closed on Thanksgiving.’ And we had never heard of a munitions dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset saying, 'Death to America, death to Israel, Allah is great,” and looking for another place to put the weapons of mass destruction."