# A 'Birth Party'?? Are you kidding me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 16, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388 "2010-04-16T20:34:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/41 "2010-04-17T08:29:41Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Sorry, I only accept invitations to the Conception Party. Correct answer. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/42 "2010-04-17T11:32:20Z")
I once had a friend who didn’t even really want her _husband_ there; she said if it could have just been her and the doc that would have been perfect. I can’t comprehend wanting a party then. My mom? Definitely. Everybody else? OUTSIDE! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/43 "2010-04-17T11:49:19Z")
If I had a vagina I wouldn’t my mom there to see something coming out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/44 "2010-04-17T12:18:16Z")
The biggest clue here is “first baby”. She may have some naive idea about the beauty of the birth process. I’ve done it three times and it’s yet to be beautiful. Painful, long, excruciating, annoying, messy, painful, sweaty, loud, painful…yes. Beautiful? Not so much. But every birth is different and every individual’s needs and response are different. I absolutely would not have wanted anyone besides my husband there. And for the third one, I didn’t even want HIM there (but that was a whole other unrelated thing). One nurse, with my first, insisted on trying to massage my belly during contractions. I told her nicely at first not to do that. I couldn’t stand being touched there. But of course, she knew best and by the third time she tried it, I ended up hitting her arm away as I growled, “I told you not to TOUCH MEEEEEEEE…” I was in the hospital for 28 hours before my daughter was born. Party? I think not. But of course, as the OP said to begin with, to each his/her own and good luck to her and better luck to the family members that show up! ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/45 "2010-04-17T13:25:04Z")
I didn’t want Mr. Sali there with me in the room, at all. I felt GUILTY keeping him waiting there in an uncomfortable looking chair, guilty for disrupting his sleep. He was no help to me, anyway, he just kept blurting out every half hour or so, “you’re doing good. You’re doing great, Sal!” (probably heard that it was important to keep up my morale, LOL - my reaction? STFU, you idiot.) Anyway. He WAS much appreciated holding my hand during the C-section and we heard the baby’s first cry, and that was one of the most special moments of both our lives. … I can’t imagine the stress if I had parents or friends or relatives milling around while I was in labor! And just the two of us hearing our daughter’s first cry - beyond special, other people around (they wouldn’t have been allowed in, of course, for a C-section) would have ruined the moment. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/46 "2010-04-17T13:27:52Z")
Well, **AClockworkMelon** , I came out of _hers_. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/47 "2010-04-17T14:06:34Z")
On a side note, what is the difference between a doula and a midwife? I never saw or heard of the term “doula” prior to this thread. From what I’ve been able to gather via Google, either they’re the same or a doula is less medically qualified than a midwife. Did the term “midwife” pick up negative connotations as being medieval or something and thus get replaced by the term “doula?” ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/48 "2010-04-17T14:35:40Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > There’s a simple solution to all these competing interests, already demonstrated on these boards. Obviously, what Miss Manners’ correspondent needs is a [Live Birthing Cam](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=555148)! > > Exhibitionist mom-to-be can broadcast it all to the web; all her relatives can smile, lie, and say “Yes, we watched the whole thing” and everyone’s happy! Then they’d be muttering “the feed is screwed up again” “looks like they turned her out for a walk” “someone’s having teat problems again”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/49 "2010-04-17T14:48:49Z")
> [@Xema](#): > > In addition to aesthetic objections, I’d imagine there are likely to be some practical ones: Babies tend to emerge on their own schedule (first ones can be surprisingly unpunctual) and not always from the anticipated orifice. Given the chances of an unscripted turn of events, I’d imagine medical personnel might be less than enthusiastic about the “birth party” idea. I was wondering that, too. What if the baby ends up really late/early? Or when most people are at work in the middle of the day? Or in the middle of the night? You never know with babies. Or with volcanoes. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/50 "2010-04-17T14:52:39Z")
> [@Oy](#): > > On a side note, what is the difference between a doula and a midwife? I never saw or heard of the term “doula” prior to this thread. From what I’ve been able to gather via Google, either they’re the same or a doula is less medically qualified than a midwife. Did the term “midwife” pick up negative connotations as being medieval or something and thus get replaced by the term “doula?” A midwife delivers a baby. MOST are nurses with Master’s degrees (certified nurse midwifes) capable of acting pretty much like an OB unless their are complications (in which case the OB on call comes in). A doula is a paid pregnancy, labor and post delivery coach. Think of her as your wedding planner. She helps you understand the birthing process and plan for it pre birth. She might help you figure out what you need. She goes to the birth with you and helps you through labor (husbands are often too distracted to be good labor coaches), advocating for you at the hospital. She’ll often make post delivery visits to your home as part of the service as well to make sure you and baby are ok. They don’t need any medical background (although the apprentice process is long - its kind of what a midwife would have done 100 years ago). ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/51 "2010-04-17T15:44:37Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Then they’d be muttering “the feed is screwed up again” “looks like they turned her out for a walk” “someone’s having teat problems again”. > 😃 or, better yet, “cleaning and taking pictures of her teats. I bet those’ll be posted on the MareStare board before long…” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/52 "2010-04-17T15:49:26Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Doncha know you’re supposed to be glued to her Facebook? Duh. Why can’t you be more considerate of her, and think more about her needs? She’s _pregnant_, after all!! (cue holy music) Oh, it won’t be FB. FB doesn’t allow pics of nursing moms, so she’d boycott that social network in a heartbeat (post partum, anways…) This woman is either incredibly naive, incredibly stupid or incredibly narcissistic–most likely all 3. :rolleyes: Shame on her husband and parents for encouraging such nonsense. [QUOTE=AClockWorkMelon] If I had a vagina I wouldn’t my mom there to see something coming out of it. [/QUOTE] No, sweetie. If you had a vagina, you wouldn’t want your mom there to see something going into it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/53 "2010-04-17T15:56:11Z")
I’ve seen three births right from behind home plate. It ain’t no party. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/54 "2010-04-17T16:05:47Z")
On the difference between midwives & doulas: This is a good explanation [http://www.birthpartnersdoulas.com/Journal%20Inquirer.htm](http://www.birthpartnersdoulas.com/Journal%20Inquirer.htm) Basically, a birth doula takes care of the mother’s needs from the waist up, acting as an experienced hand to help calm her/her husband, making sure that the midwife/OB follow the mother’s birth plan, etc. She is trained in emotional support but has no medical training. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/55 "2010-04-17T16:14:42Z")
Thank you, **Dangerosa** and **Oni no Maggie**. I had never before encountered the term. Hardly surprising, since I’ve never either had children nor been particularly close to someone having a child (i.e. close enough to discuss birthing arrangements). In my extremely limited experience, this seems the sort of thing that the mother or mother-in-law of the expectant mom usually does, but of course a mother or mother-in-law may not be available or suitable. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/56 "2010-04-17T16:39:24Z")
Some people simply have no clue that watching a birth might not be pleasant for those invited to do so. Similarly, these folks have no clue that one might not want to see photos of the event either. When my mom was taking computer classes at the senior center, the teacher brought in pics and video of her daughter giving birth and started showing them to everyone, apparently since she was a new, proud grandma. No other thought was involved. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/57 "2010-04-17T20:27:17Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Oh, it won’t be FB. FB doesn’t allow pics of nursing moms, so she’d boycott that social network in a heartbeat (post partum, anways…) Hmm, really? This is interesting. Do you have a cite, or have you seen nursing pictures disappear? (I’m not being snarky in the least, I’m genuinely curious; FB recently has taken quite a strong hand with things) There’s a lot of poor judgement surrounding both the pregnancy and the actual having of the baby. I mean, we see it every day - visibly pregnant women smoking, drinking, you name it. People having their babies in kiddie pools and bathtubs and at home, when there’s a perfectly sterile environment (the hospital) and vastly more qualified people (OB-gyn docs and nurses) just down the road. This doesn’t surprise me at all at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/58 "2010-04-17T22:45:14Z")
Yeah, Facebook will often yank nursing pictures if there is a considerable amount of breast showing. People who have tried to protest by compiling nursing pictures have had their accounts deleted. See [here](http://www.tera.ca/photos7.html) for examples of banned pictures. BTW, a hospital is far from sterile! If homebirth is managed by licensed medical professionals, it may even be safer than the hospital, loony religious nuts and extreme hippies notwithstanding. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/59 "2010-04-17T23:36:40Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > Well, **AClockworkMelon** , I came out of _hers_. You also came out of your dad’s dick, maybe he should be invited, too. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388/60 "2010-04-18T00:18:05Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Birthing room means just that- the room that you give birth in. The hospital bed breaks down into a bed to give birth in, stuff comes out of the walls, etc., then after the birth everything is hidden away and that’s where the mom and dad stay until discharge.. Not always. In the hospital the Small Girl was born in the birthing room and bedroom weren’t even next door to each other. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-birth-party-are-you-kidding-me/536388.md?page=4)