# A chef in the kitchen, a lady in the living room, and a whore in bed: Female ideal? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 4, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687 "2004-06-04T19:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/21 "2004-06-04T22:51:35Z")
> [@Apos](#): > > Pardon me for pointing this out, but wouldn’t ANY ideal mate be someone who is the best at everything? i.e., great in bed, great with cooking, great manners when needed, always fun to be with, etc.? Isn’t this what all women would want in a man as their ideal too? Very valid point. 🙂 Reminds me of the old - heaven is British police, French food, German cars, and an Italian woman. Hell is British food, French cars, German police… and an Italian woman. > [@](#): > > I mean, when was the last time you heard anyone, man or woman, advertising “a prude in bed, lousy cook, terrible job, bad attitude, real couch potato” etc.? Sounds like most guys I know O\_o ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/22 "2004-06-04T23:03:43Z")
> [@capacitor](#): > > For women, the ideal mate is: > > a masseur in the bathroom, > a gay guy in the living room, > an exterminator in the attic, > and a roughneck in the bedroom. > > So there! My God! It’s as if you know me and have been spying on me! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/23 "2004-06-04T23:13:48Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Okay…I don’t get this statement. Intelligence is _attractive_, but I have never. once. found it sexy. It doesn’t make me want to have sex. Voices, asses, glances, whispers, and an occasional swagger? Those usually make me want to have sex. But not intelligence. Maybe it’s me…I dunno. Personally, I find that quality takes a guy from “Hmmmmm, that’s nice…” to “_rowwwwr_ You! C’mere!” I had an almost immediate crush on a guy when I went to the Robot Sumo Challenge in Toronto this year. He built AWESOME robots. Without the robots, yep, I’d have probably looked at him, as his presented phenotype was just the kind I like, but the addition of demonstrated brains nearly hypnotized me. Went from abstract aesthetic appreciation to “I’d like some of that! Wonder if he’d like a groupie…oh yeah, my husband …”. Spit. Nasssssty conscience. Bothers us, it does. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/24 "2004-06-04T23:22:10Z")
> [@tisiphone](#): > > Personally, I find that quality takes a guy from “Hmmmmm, that’s nice…” to “_rowwwwr_ You! C’mere!” > > I had an almost immediate crush on a guy when I went to the Robot Sumo Challenge in Toronto this year. He built AWESOME robots. > > Without the robots, yep, I’d have probably looked at him, as his presented phenotype was just the kind I like, but the addition of demonstrated brains nearly hypnotized me. Went from abstract aesthetic appreciation to “I’d like some of that! Wonder if he’d like a groupie…oh yeah, my husband …”. > > Spit. Nasssssty conscience. Bothers us, it does. I’m not alone! Yay! ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/25 "2004-06-04T23:26:51Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > I’m not alone! Yay! Speaking of, it would be nice to hear what women have to think of this thread 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/26 "2004-06-05T02:29:33Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > Speaking of, it would be nice to hear what women have to think of this thread 😉 Trust me, you are not at all alone. It’s one thing to appreciate a guy purely from an aesthetic viewpoint, but I personally am wired in such a way that I’m not going to have any urge to touch him whatsoever unless I feel like there’s some kind of deeper connection. And for that, a brain is definitely required on both sides. I’ve never been one for mindless flings, but a large part of that is because I’m not attracted to mindless guys, and it’s hard to have a mindless fling with a guy who has a mind. Brains, compassion, empathy, sense of humor are absolute requirements. Pluses: musical talent, backrub abilities, cooking skills. Oh, and he must bathe regularly. (Don’t ask.) Almost everything else is either optional or impossible to define; just lump it under “chemistry” if you want. But I do find that there is a certain ineffable geekiness among guys I’ve been attracted to. They weren’t all geeks in the usual sense of being into computers and Star Trek; it’s more like a certain level of intellectual curiosity; they have all enjoyed using their brains. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/27 "2004-06-05T02:33:35Z")
But if you want a woman’s opinion on the guys’ posts: well, you’re amusing, but unfortunately not a representative sample of guydom. ---
**Author:** ![xcheopis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bc8723/32.png) [@xcheopis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xcheopis)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/28 "2004-06-05T03:45:05Z")
> [@tisiphone](#): > > Personally, I find that quality takes a guy from “Hmmmmm, that’s nice…” to “_rowwwwr_ You! C’mere!” Science-geek guys in glasses make me weak in the knees, I love them so! ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/29 "2004-06-05T03:46:36Z")
I’m with **Apos**. I want all of that and more. Of course being a good cook (or any other practical skill, actually, I wouldn’t mind a lady who’s a great mechanic/handywoman, I can cook for myself wll-enough) is a plus, some degree of sophistication and conversational ability is a necessity, and I wouldn’t kick a woman out of bed for being good in bed. I think what you may be trying to challange is the idea that that’s all we want or need a woman to be. Myself, I also want a psychologist on the couch, a movie critic in the theatre, a mother in the nursery (eventually), a adventure heroine on the road, a comparitive theologian in the church, and an expert in whatever profession she’s in. Oh, and scientifically literate enough that her eyes don’t glaze over when I talk about MY day at work. But that’s just me. Your central three are a good start, at best. ---
**Author:** ![eponymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e0b2c6/32.png) [@eponymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eponymous)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/30 "2004-06-05T03:54:34Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Where are my loose shoes? You’ll find them inside the heated outhouse where you left them! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/31 "2004-06-05T04:12:44Z")
I want a lady in the kitchen, a chef in the bedroom, and a whore in the living room. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/32 "2004-06-05T04:58:01Z")
> [@Eva Luna](#): > > Trust me, you are not at all alone. OK, that speaks volumes. After 25 years of searching, I have an answer. My penis is really some weird growth, and I’m really an underdeveloped woman. Maybe my brain missed out on a Y chromosome or something… ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/33 "2004-06-05T06:30:54Z")
I want a man who doesn’t label in the bedroom, a man who doesn’t label in the kitchen and a man who doesn’t label in the living room. 😉 > [@](#): > > **Zagadka** : Speaking of, it would be nice to hear what women have to think of this thread 😉 I really do find two of the labels elusive. If by “lady,” you mean someone who is quiet and demur, that makes me shudder. If you mean that she is kind, engaging and trustworthy, I can understand that. If a woman has to go without cursing to be considered a _lady_ or if she has to defer to the male at all times, I think that’s a lousy deal. The other label that is a puzzle is _whore_. Is that the word commonly used to describe women who are passionate in their love-making and who take pleasure in pleasing their partners? If it is, that’s a shame. As for the quality of intelligence, I suspect that many intelligent women are clever enough to dazzle you into thinking that they are beautiful. Back to my original list. The thing that is a real turn-on for me in a mate is happiness. If the man I’m with is happy or excited about something and laughs a lot, _I like that._ ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/34 "2004-06-05T13:57:38Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > I’m with you. I don’t want a moron for a lifelong companion, but for pure sexual response, pretty face and hourglass figure trumps brains any day of the week. Hourglass figure? Bah. Like having sex with a broomstick. Give me a woman with some meat on her bones any day of the week. As far as intelligence goes … there was this one female classmate of mine in grad school who was an astrophysics major. She didn’t have much in the looks department, but she had a brain to die for. She works for JPL on the Cassini space probe project these days. Every time I think back on that time when I heard her lecturing to a bunch of freshmen about the Herzprung-Russel diagram, I kick myself for not having gone after her. I could’ve been married and divorced to her by now. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/35 "2004-06-05T14:40:09Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > Intelligent. Independent. Compassionate. Geeky. Outdoorsy. Spiritual. Kinky/playful/adventurous. > In THAT order. Hmm… do I have…? Intelligence? Check Independence? Check Comapassion? Check Geeky? Check Outdoorsy? Check Spiritual? Check Kinky? Check. Playful? Check. Adventurous? Check Let’s get married. 😉 I prefer a man who likes me for my personality, but wants to rip my clothes off as well. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/36 "2004-06-05T15:13:53Z")
Of course not. The ideal woman would be a deaf-mute nymphomania millionaire drug connection. And she should also be a midget with a flat-topped skull, so you can rest your beer on her head while . . . well, you get the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/37 "2004-06-05T15:31:21Z")
> [@tracer](#): > > Hourglass figure? Bah. Like having sex with a broomstick. Give me a woman with some meat on her bones any day of the week. I think the hourglass figure rather requires a fair amount of “meat” on the bones. I guess, to use an example commensurate with the level of discussion my OP has generated, think of “tits and ass”, or maybe “baby got back, and she’s a brick house.” Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/38 "2004-06-05T18:10:21Z")
> [@xcheopis](#): > > Science-geek guys in glasses make me weak in the knees, I love them so! \<\< Ears perk up \>\> So, um, how YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/39 "2004-06-05T19:44:01Z")
Old joke (dating from the '60s or earlier, I think – at any rate, definitely pre-feminism): Bob: “You know, I wanted to find a wife who would be a lady in the living room, an economist in the kitchen, and a witch in the bedroom.” Tom: “Did you find her?” Bob: “Sort of. My wife is a witch in the living room, a lady in the kitchen, and an economist in the bedroom.” ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687/40 "2004-06-05T19:55:07Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > Hmm… do I have…? > Intelligence? Check > Independence? Check > Comapassion? Check > Geeky? Check > Outdoorsy? Check > Spiritual? Check > Kinky? Check. Playful? Check. Adventurous? Check > Let’s get married. 😉 > I prefer a man who likes me for my personality, but wants to rip my clothes off as well. 😃 Rawr! People like you keep my hopes up. 😃 Nothing like “Hi honey, how was work?” while ripping clothes off. 😉 > [@](#): > > Bob: “Sort of. My wife is a witch in the living room, a lady in the kitchen, and an economist in the bedroom.” Witch, OK, I’m pagan, that’s cool. Economist sounds sexy as hell. Dunno about lady in the kitchen, but 2/3 ain’t bad! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-chef-in-the-kitchen-a-lady-in-the-living-room-and-a-whore-in-bed-female-ideal/248687.md?page=1)