# A child should have the true name of his parents on his birth record **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 25, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297 "2010-01-25T00:48:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/101 "2010-01-26T05:42:26Z")
Well, I for one don’t think they need to know the kind of truth the child referred to in the OP learned, that her parents have been unfaithful to each other and that her dad has always had misgivings about her. And that the sperm-donor that is her bio-dad is someone so forgettable that her mom can’t even remember his name. How has this truth helped her? How will it help her to learn his name if he wants no part of her? Truth isn’t necessarily good, ya know. And children have lots of rights. Some they don’t get until they are old enough to handle them responsibly. ---
**Author:** ![Clu-Me-In](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@Clu-Me-In](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clu-Me-In)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/102 "2010-01-26T05:44:41Z")
My apologies to Bryan Ekers, he did not say that, however I went digging because I read the following… > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > You’ll have to explain why. You seem to be under the misapprehension that achild has rights it actually does not have. > > There is no right for a child to know who his biological parents are. > There is no right for the _state_ to know either, unless they are also the legal parents. ---
**Author:** ![Clu-Me-In](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@Clu-Me-In](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clu-Me-In)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/103 "2010-01-26T06:00:00Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > Well, I for one don’t think they need to know the kind of truth the child referred to in the OP learned, **that her parents have been unfaithful to each other** and that her dad has always had misgivings about her. And that **the sperm-donor that is her bio-dad is someone so forgettable that her mom can’t even remember his name**. How has this truth helped her? How will it help her to learn his name if he wants no part of her? Truth isn’t necessarily good, ya know. > > And children have lots of rights. Some they don’t get until they are old enough to handle them responsibly. The above underlined statements are assumptions that you have made that are not necessarily true. There are at least 2 other possibilities I can immediately think of — 1. the mother knows exactly who he is and won’t tell. 2. She truly does not know who he is or his name, maybe because of the circumstance of the affair she had. As in the case of John Edwards, the woman he had the affair with named another married man knowing all along that her child’s father was John Edwards. Why should the state permit that lie on a child’s birth record? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/104 "2010-01-26T06:06:06Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > As in the case of John Edwards, the woman he had the affair with named another married man knowing all along that her child’s father was John Edwards. > > Why should the state permit that lie on a child’s birth record? The father’s name is not listed on the birth certificate, doubtless because Edwards was denying paternity at the time and the birth certificate was sure to become public. An Edwards aide lied to the public for a time and said he was the father, but his name isn’t on the birth certificate. So there is no lie there. There’s an omission, but no lie. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/105 "2010-01-26T06:06:43Z")
You still haven’t answered how the child came to hear of all this. I’m still curious about this detail. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/106 "2010-01-26T06:12:46Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > “Immediately after birth” IMHO means bio-parents. Your opinion is incorrect. “parents” means legal parents. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/107 "2010-01-26T06:13:46Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > My apologies to Bryan Ekers, he did not say that, however I went digging because I read the following… You have still not rebutted that. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/108 "2010-01-26T06:16:34Z")
And DID she put him on the birth certificate instead of “John Edwards” or unknown? I thought they just came up with that story months after the child was born…months after the birth certificate would have been filed. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/109 "2010-01-26T06:18:02Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > The above underlined statements are assumptions that you have made that are not necessarily true. There are at least 2 other possibilities I can immediately think of — > > 1. the mother knows exactly who he is and won’t tell. > 2. She truly does not know who he is or his name, maybe because of the circumstance of the affair she had. Neither hypothetical would make it any of the state’s business. > [@](#): > > As in the case of John Edwards, the woman he had the affair with named another married man knowing all along that her child’s father was John Edwards. > > Why should the state permit that lie on a child’s birth record? It’s not a lie. The man named on the birth certificate is the legal father. The bio father is irrelevant, The state doesn’t care and doesn’t need to know, unless the bio father is also the legal father. This is the point you seem to be having some trouble grasping. The purpose of a birth certificate is not to collect genetic information, but legal information. The legal father is the father, and it’s insulting to all adoptive fathers for you to call that a “lie.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/110 "2010-01-26T06:18:04Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > And DID she put him on the birth certificate? I thought they just came up with that story months after the child was born…months after the birth certificate would have been filed. [Here is a PDF of the birth certificate.](http://www.newsobserver.com/content/media/2008/7/31/birth%20certificate.pdf) The father’s name is not listed. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/111 "2010-01-26T06:19:39Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > And DID she put him on the birth certificate instead of “John Edwards” or unknown? I thought they just came up with that story months after the child was born…months after the birth certificate would have been filed. I actually don’t know, but if he did cowboy up and sign off as the legal father (and that’s way more loyal than I would ever be), then he is the legal father, and the birth certificate is truthful. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/112 "2010-01-26T06:21:34Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > Nonsense!! I disagreed when you outright said that children have no rights Not a single person in this thread has said that. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/113 "2010-01-26T06:58:28Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > As remote as it is, to prevent a man from marrying his sister. A father from marrying a daughter? Accurate documents kept by the state of a child’s true birth record prevent such an occurrence. Methinks someone has been reading too much V.C. Andrews. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/114 "2010-01-26T07:01:13Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > I say it’s this one —\> “The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right **to know** and be cared for by **his or her parents** ” > > “Immediately after birth” IMHO means bio-parents unless one is no longer alive, then and only then can an adoptive parent or guardian be susbstituted on a birth record. Hello, is this thing on? What about the case where the biological mother is unknown, as in the case of egg donation? I think this is the third time I’ve brought that up. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/115 "2010-01-26T07:07:01Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > This is the point you seem to be having some trouble grasping. The purpose of a birth certificate is not to collect genetic information, but legal information. The legal father is the father, and it’s insulting to all adoptive fathers for you to call that a “lie.” Exactly right, and the OP should read this sentence a hundred times until it penetrates his skull. It’s very important in the infertility community. The legal father and/or mother is always the sperm and/or egg recipient, not the donor, and that’s whose name goes on the birth certificate. ---
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/116 "2010-01-26T07:10:32Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > Oh well thanks everyone. It looks like children have absolutely no rights whatsoever in our society. While true, this doesn’t really follow from the fact that we don’t have universal state-mandated paternity testing. > [@Kimstu](#): > > That’s not true. Children have a whole bunch of recognized rights in our society, including the right to receive care and support from the individuals listed as their _ **LEGAL** _ parents. Those aren’t rights. Those are entitlements. ---
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/117 "2010-01-26T07:25:28Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > If you agree with the OP, then you read the part where it was mentioned that the mother DID NOT KNOW her husband was not the biological parent. > > And I still don’t understand why this father would EVER let his daughter get wind of the fact that he had any doubts about her being his biological child. That is just cruel. Plain and simple. > > I’ve never figured out how to do multiple quotes, but I think this line for ZPG Zealot is very important…“If you’ve been a child’s father for several years, and the discovery that they aren’t your biological child makes you wish to sever all ties with the child you have loved and comforted and played with, well, then, certainly you are no sort of father.” > > I don’t understand all the sympathy for the father here if what the OP added is true…once his wife admitted she’d had an affair many years before, he decided to check to see it the daughter was his biological child…because she’d always been a little different from the other kids. Talk about sending the wrong message to your daughter! No wonder the girl ran away…not only does her dad say essentially that he never really felt the same way about her as he did her siblings, but now she feels responsible for breaking up her parent’s marriage! Way to go, jerk…no wonder the wife had an affair. If he cheats, it’s his fault. If she cheats, it’s his fault. :rolleyes: I can think of a number of reasons you might cut yourself off from a child you’ve raised upon finding out this information. Members of my family have been faced with this situation more than once. While it is absolutely heartbreaking, it’s also absolutely necessary when you’re dealing with certain kinds of people. You can’t cut yourself off from the former spouse if the child is being held by said former spouse as a hostage/bargaining chip through abuse of custody laws. When there is nothing you can do to protect the child, all you can do is leave and maybe protect yourself from the abusive, dangerous spouse. This is never an easy decision in my experience, and not one of the individuals I’ve met who had to make it was able to just flip a switch and stop caring about the child, but the truth of the matter is that sometimes you lose the really important fights, and all you can do is cut your losses and try to move on. ---
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/118 "2010-01-26T07:27:48Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > And children have lots of rights. Some they don’t get until they are old enough to handle them responsibly. If they don’t get them now, they don’t have them. Why is this fact not blatantly obvious? ---
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/119 "2010-01-26T07:37:09Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > Well I do think that a child has rights, and so does the **[United Nations](http://www2.ohchr.org/english/law/crc.htm)**, [**Bill Clinton and Barack Obama**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_ratification_of_the_Convention_on_the_Rights_of_the_Child#Drafting_and_signature). > > **[Convention on the Rights of the Child](http://www2.ohchr.org/english/law/crc.htm#part1)** There are a lot of protections listed there, but every place in that doccument where actual rights are touched on, the function is to limit and infringe upon those rights. Lots of stuff in there about the rights of parents to exercise soverign control over the child, and some protections provided to the child by the government against some of the abuses of the absolute power granted parents. But no actual rights of the child guarenteed in that doccument. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2010, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297/120 "2010-01-26T09:45:17Z")
> [@Clu-Me-In](#): > > The above underlined statements are assumptions that you have made that are not necessarily true. There are at least 2 other possibilities I can immediately think of — > > 1. the mother knows exactly who he is and won’t tell. > 2. She truly does not know who he is or his name, maybe because of the circumstance of the affair she had. What if, instead of an affair, the woman was raped? In which case she really may have no idea who the bio-father is, and no way to locate him for a paternity test. It is not unheard of for a man to blame his wife for a rape, or to view it as an infidelity, even if quite a few of us would hold the woman blameless in such circumstances. There is still also quite a bit of shame associated with rape, such that it is conceivable a woman might be raped _and not tell anyone_ about it for fear of shame or ostracism. Needless to say, if 12 or 15 years down the road the husband suddenly finds that he’s _not_ the bio-dad of one of his kids that could really blow up into an ugly situation. This is not to imply that that is the circumstance in the OP, just offering it as a hypothetical situation where the women may _genuinely_ not know who the bio-father is without any unethical intent on her part. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-child-should-have-the-true-name-of-his-parents-on-his-birth-record/526297.md?page=7)