# A Christmas poem **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 25, 2009, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526 "2009-12-25T05:47:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Carnacki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@Carnacki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnacki)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2009, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526/1 "2009-12-25T05:47:50Z")
Here’s a Christmas poem I wrote many moons ago, submitted for your reading pleasure. 'Twas the night before Christmas when, what in the hell? A fat bearded man standing ringing my doorbell? Checking the time as I got out of bed I opened the door – there he was, all in red. I moaned “Jesus Christ, it’s a quarter of two.” He replied “Well, I would have come down through the flue But your chimney is clogged up, with ashes and shit.” I sarcastically said, “Be right back, let me clean it.” He said “Not to worry, just came to deliver Your presents!” His grin down my spine sent a shiver. So I invited him in. In my good chair he sat. (I thought he would break it - my lord he was fat!) He exclaimed “Merry Christmas!” Me: “Big fat hairy deal.” He retorted “I’ve not come to give, but to steal Your money!” With this he pulled out a gun, Aimed it at me, whispered “You’re fucked now, son.” So he looted my place, and took all my money. And he laughed “Ho, ho, ho” so I asked “What’s so funny? Christmas is time for giving, and sharing. And here you rob me? You’re sick! And uncaring!” He replied “I’m so sorry you feel that way, Mac.” He finished his theft, put my shit in a sack. And as he was leaving I spit at the creep Who said “Well, goodnight, and have a nice sleep.” And laying a finger aside of his ear He hopped in my car - out of town he did steer. But I heard him exclaim from my car he’d done stole: “Have a fucking grand Christmas and New Year, asshole!” ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526/2 "2009-12-27T05:50:13Z")
:eek: But well done. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526/3 "2009-12-27T06:59:33Z")
Coming Christmas 2010: _GTA5: North Pole_ ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526/4 "2009-12-27T09:54:32Z")
There’s 30 seconds I’ll never get back.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-christmas-poem/522526/5 "2009-12-27T16:51:13Z")
Premise is kooky enough to be funny. You should work on scanning for your future efforts, however. “Hell” and “doorbell” technically rhyme, but as “doorbell” has the accent on the first syllable, it doesn’t really work. Also, the way you reverse word order in “out of town he did steer” and “in my good chair he sat” sounds forced. Finally, the way you break up quotations for the sake of rhyme (“Not to worry, just came to deliver // your presents”) is awkward and and distracting. I suggest taking a creative writing class.