# A condom question for the gents... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864 "2000-11-27T16:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/41 "2000-11-28T21:40:07Z")
Sorry to be jumping into this thread so late, but allow me to wax nostalgic for a few. The epitome of condom development was achieved in the late 1980s while I was in college. Prior to 1987, I had experimented with several brands of condoms. Like most young men, my first sexual foray was with Trojans. They’re horrible condoms, but they have excellent market penetration. These were the “enz”, lubricated, and they stank like a tire fire. Unfortunately, I discovered in talking about condoms with other lovers that several women are allergic to the proprietary lubricant this variant uses. Anyway, I fairly quickly quit using them even before making that discovery because, the second I ever slept with a girl, the damn condom broke. I didn’t realize it at the time. I just thought, “Well, THIS is feeling a lot better than it did a minute ago.” Oops. Luckily, other than a week and a half of unbridled terror, there were no ill consequences. So, for the next few years, I vacillated between brands, finding Ramses Extra to be the most acceptable. Then, in late '87, I stumbled upon the greatest condom ever made. It was (ironically) also a Trojan product, but they apparently put some thought into this. The brand was called Mentor, and Shazam!, was it ever wonderful. First of all, the sizing was perfect. Second, the Trojan people apparently had heard about fingernail contact being a problem with breakage. These bad boys had, are you ready, an APPLICATOR. The condom and the applicator (which was either a very soft plastic or a very thick latex) unrolled together. Girls actually liked to help you suit up because it felt so neat. The lubricant was contained between the condom and the applicator; so a little hand work was required to fully lubricate the thing, making condom wearing suddenly not just necessary, but pleasant. As an added bonus (which may not sound like one at first), there was an adhesive section at the base end of the condom. I know, I can hear you yelping out there, but it was akin to the adhesive on Post-It notes, not Krazy Glue. That way, after you finished, you could stay inside for a bit without worrying about slippage. Obviously, if you hung out until you completely deflated, nothing short of duct tape is going to keep the condom situated, but if you (like me) like to stay inside for a minute or so afterward, this was THE only reasonably safe way to do it with a condom. The only downside was, Mentors cost about twice as much as the standard “love glove” garden variety condom. I was MORE than willing to shell out the extra coin, even as a starving college student for all the pluses. Then I got involved in a long-term monogamous relationship. Condoms were no longer a necessity. YAHOO. A few years later, though, life worked out the way it does and I was back on the circuit. I hunted drug stores, grocery stores, 7-11s, sex shops and every other place I could think of looking for these damn things. Not only could I not find them, nobody had ever HEARD of them. I knew I wasn’t completely crazed. No way did I hallucinate this masterpiece of design. I have to admit, though, that I did call up an old girlfriend with whom I had parted on fairly good terms just to get a confirmation from her that, yes, we used Mentors. She probably wouldn’t have agreed with the first statement in this paragraph by the time we hung up. I then decided to fall back on the good old Ramses Extras I used in my pre-Mentor days. Either their sizing or mine had changed in the five years or so since then. Tight. Binding. Uncomfortable. Breakable. Useless. Since that didn’t have good results, I of course then went through the ritual of trying different brands. Magnums were just too big that I didn’t feel comfortable with them. Relaxed fit is NOT the feel you want in a rubber. I settled finally on Durex extra sensitive, and they worked fine, although I now understood why other guys complained so long and loudly about having to use condoms. Still, not worth dying for. After a few different jobs, I ended up as the product copy writer for an online adult merchandise site. If you think that sounds like a dream job, write product descriptions for 140 different pink 6" x 1.25" real-feel jelly filled multi-speed vibrators and make them all sound unique and interesting. If you can do it, you’re more creative than I. At any rate, this company also had physical stores, one of which contained my office. On my way out one night I was going past the condom rack and lo and behold what did I spy but a rack of Mentors. I bought them all. At the 50% discount employees received, it was just like buying a 24 pack of any other condom. Sheer paradise, I tell you. Of course, when luck cuts in your favor like that, you know it’s not long before it turns back and just CUTS you. A couple months after that, I noticed we had not re-stocked them. I had a few left, but didn’t want to have a lull. I asked our condom buyer (How’d you like THAT for a job title) when we were getting more Mentors. Brian, the buyer, a nice old guy looked me squarely in the eye and said, “We’re not. They were discontinued by the manufacturer.” My howl of agony made it sound like we had opened up a “Try it before you buy it” section in the S&M department. I asked him why, and he responded that apparently not too many guys were willing to pay double for benefits of Mentors. These are the same guys who, to paraphrase someone else, would rather have a keg of Pabst Blue Ribbon than a bottle of 18 year old Glenmorangie. Troglodytes. I called the distributor, the manufacturer and everyone else I could think of. I begged. I pleaded. I threatened. I groveled. Nada. I then had the problem of deciding whether or not to just keep using them until they were gone or to buy a standard pack and save the Mentors for “special occasions”, added help or whatever. The fact that there were only two months until the expiration date answered that question pretty easily. I know I’m about 1000 words past making a long story short, but I still have one of them. Unopened. Original package. They’re gone forever as a product, but for one brief shining (or rather “glistening”) moment, one man found his one perfect condom. Now, however, I’m forced to wander the earth using the standard tinfoil-packaged monstrosities as everyone else, a tragic figger of a man who knows that once upon a magical time, life was made better by design. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/42 "2000-11-28T21:58:27Z")
_wipes a tear from his eye_ ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/43 "2000-11-28T22:28:01Z")
If that post alone isn’t reason enough for Trojan to bring the Mentor back, they should close their doors forever on the condom business. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/44 "2000-11-28T22:32:09Z")
Funny, I’m not exceptional in any dimension, but I’ve always found the big ones to fit just as well as the small ones. For me, there is only one brand of condom that is really worthless: **Class Act**. You’ll find these awful, might-as-well-be-knotted-off-sections-of-intertube at your less reputable convenience stores and supermarkets. They appear to be made of a thicker, less flexible material that fails to communicate any sensation while being far more prone to breaking. Some would call them “cheaper,” but their true cost per unit is anywhere from fifty cents to four hundred dollars to the rest of your Godforsaken life. Avoid! Trial and error is the way I learned it, but folks, please take this advice: if you’re a dollar short for a box of _real_ nodders, you’re too poor to screw. (Incidentally, xixor’s “never had to roll one down that far” joke has worked quite well for me. Since I was first asked the question, I’ve always answered very seriously: “Of course they do. You’re supposed to write down the serial number when they break and send it in to the manufacturer. They send you free replacements.” Landed me in the rack with a curious lass more than once. Hope I didn’t disappoint.) ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/45 "2000-11-28T22:38:09Z")
**handy** quoth: > [@](#): > > tiggeril, they make a condom for females. How do you know which one FITS you? You’re talking to a virgin here. Hell if I know. **Fallen Angel** : :eek: \ Wow. That was the first condom epic I’ve ever read. Certainly makes _The Iliad_ look boring. 😃 **Sofa King** a dit: > [@](#): > > (Incidentally, xixor’s “never had to roll one down that far” joke has worked quite well for me. Since I was first asked the question, I’ve always answered very seriously: “Of course they do. You’re supposed to write down the serial number when they break and send it in to the manufacturer. They send you free replacements.” Landed me in the rack with a curious lass more than once. Curious, or just gullible? (No offense meant, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/46 "2000-11-28T23:06:35Z")
In the two cases where I think the reply sealed the deal, curiosity was probably the case. Only one was gullible enough to come back for seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/47 "2000-11-28T23:26:22Z")
FallenAngel, what a…well, I was going to say what a touching, moving, lovely tale, but is it really appropriate to say that about a condom story? Well said, anyway! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2000, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/48 "2000-11-28T23:58:01Z")
In a pinch, I hear you can slap some saran wrap on that dick. Funniest condoms were those that glow. I think it was a John Ritter flick they used them. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/49 "2000-11-29T02:45:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spooje \*Then she spread her fingers out and said ‘“Too tight”, my ass’. To which half the class replied, in unison, “Use lube!” ---
**Author:** ![Phalanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Phalanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phalanx)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/50 "2000-11-29T05:06:40Z")
I find that regular durex sheiks are too snug for my liking… I find that only the Durex Comfort brand (the purple box) is relaxed enough for me to wear and not “wince”. You can get them with and without spermicide too. -S ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/51 "2000-11-29T05:25:36Z")
It’s been a while since I bought any, but I remember what I found most amusing: Condoms are placed into the paper bag as soon as they are rung up. They don’t just sit on the counter while any other items are rung up, money is exchanged, etc. When I first started buying condoms (age 16), I went to a pharmacy across town. The little old lady who rung up my 3-pack of Fourex actually put them into the bag before entering the price on the register! I continued buying (only) condoms there for years. ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/52 "2000-11-29T20:20:23Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* \*\ ***handy** quoth: [quote] **Fallen Angel** : :eek: \ Wow. That was the first condom epic I’ve ever read. Certainly makes _The Iliad_ look boring. 😃 \*\* Thanks, Tiggeril, although Trojans do figure prominently in both tales. [;-)}\> ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/53 "2000-11-29T23:03:00Z")
Hee hee hee… Ok, another question: Are there really such things as **flavored** condoms? They sound kinda UL-ish to me. ---
**Author:** ![monkeylucifer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@monkeylucifer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monkeylucifer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/54 "2000-11-29T23:50:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > \*\*Hee hee hee… > Ok, another question: Are there really such things as **flavored** condoms? They sound kinda UL-ish to me. \*\* Nope, they’re the real thing----\> [Flavored Condoms](http://www.postalcondoms.co.uk/other.htm). This company sells Strawberry, Orange, Lemon, Passion Fruit, Cherry, Banana, Malabar, Grape, Coconut, Chocolate, Pineapple, Apple, Lager & Lime, Apricot, Kiwi, and Mango. I’d recommend the passion fruit…as it seems to best suit the occasion! 😃 I don’t know what the hell a Malabar is…but Lager & Lime doesn’t sound too great…silly brits. ---
**Author:** ![broccoli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@broccoli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/broccoli)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/55 "2000-11-30T02:57:17Z")
I didn’t want to read this entire two pages. I just read the initial question and decided to post. The easy way to figure this one out is: Get a toilet paper roll (you can start the giggles now all you mature and enlightened kids out there). Place it over your stiffy. If it’s really loose you need to get the smaller sized condoms. If it’s just about right, get regulars. If it’s a tight fit go with the Magnums. I dunno if that helps. punk snot dead, broccoli! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2000, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/56 "2000-11-30T03:20:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Danalan \* > \*\*It’s been a while since I bought any, but I remember what I found most amusing: > > Condoms are placed into the paper bag as soon as they are rung up. They don’t just sit on the counter while any other items are rung up, money is exchanged, etc.\*\* Upon opening the box of my first condom purchase, my partner and I discovered that the box was empty of all but an instruction sheet. I returned to the store the next day for a refund, which I received only after the clerk at the front of the store had a shouted conversation with the manager at the back of the store. A long conversation. A loud convesation. A public conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864/57 "2000-12-01T06:28:26Z")
Broccoli!, I just tried to screw a toilet paper roll and it told me to pee up a rope. I’m hoping it’s because I was too tight. For the kids out there, let’s remember that condoms along with a female spermicidal foam applicator combine to provide 98% effectiveness in pregnancy prevention. When’s the last time anyone saw a foam applicator? Is it gone the way of the sponge? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-condom-question-for-the-gents/42864.md?page=2)