# A Cornucopia of MiniRants! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 15, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788 "2010-11-15T21:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/61 "2010-11-20T17:42:46Z")
Ouch! I haven’t done that in ages; I’m never sure which is stronger, the irritation at wasting those sleeping hours getting ready, or the relief that you can go back to bed. I used my airmiles to get a Ray Charles and friends cd of duets of old classics, and it’s kind of pissing me off; I’m listening to Ray Charles and Natalie Cole singing “Fever,” and Natalie’s voice is lovely, then Ray comes in, sounding just awful. It’s the same with almost all of the songs - Ray’s voice is kind of ruining them. I respect the man and his reputation and all that, but there comes a point when your voice just isn’t cutting it any more, and he recorded this cd after that point was reached, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![adhemar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@adhemar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adhemar)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/62 "2010-11-21T05:01:30Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Oh I just can’t STAND the thought of someone spending Thanksgiving without the loving embrace of FAMILY. Now you all come right on over. I mean, Thanksgiving is so important to me and my family that I’ve spent all YEAR coming up with JUST the right recipes and I already went shopping and oh my GOODNESS it will be so difficult to find a way to make it stretch and it will completely ruin the proportions of the meal and I just don’t have any idea how we will POSSIBLY fit you at the table which was custom-made for exactly TEN and you’ll make ELEVEN which is just SUCH an odd number to have at DINNER unless you were thinking you might bring your PERSON along and I guess I can’t STOP you and during this PRECIOUS HOLIDAY which should be spent with FAMILY which of course we AREN’T but we do try to teach the children to be CHARITABLE I’m sure our sacrifice will be REPAID by just the idea of bringing you such JOY and HAPPINESS. waggling eyebrows “I going to spend the day making Boyfriend very thankful! I appreciate you thinking of us anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![slalexan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@slalexan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slalexan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/63 "2010-11-21T08:22:25Z")
Dear Controls Professor, Laplace transforms, differential equations, calculus and basic algebra are all things that are included on our list of things we know. In fact, we all take many math classes specifically designed for engineers so that we know those things. So it really isn’t necessary to spend the first six weeks of class reteaching us any of this. How about spending that time teaching us about useful things, like how to draw block diagrams so that we can don’t all fail your second midterm. Also, no one memorizes Laplace transforms on purpose except to be pretentious. So let us have a table for tests. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/64 "2010-11-21T17:07:50Z")
Sister-in-law, my husband keeps telling you in reply to your Facebook wall posts to contact me via E-mail (and giving you the address) for planning what to bring for Thanksgiving. We don’t have your E-mail address or your phone number, and I’m not on Facebook. The reason why we haven’t told you via Facebook is because you’ve made posts to him **3 different times** asking what you can bring, worded as if you’ve never asked him before. Please sober up before getting on your computer and posting “love you soooo much bro, what can I bring?” messages. We don’t believe you’ll remember our response even if we responded to one of your drunken wall posts, and we’d see yet another “what can I bring???!!1” from you. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/65 "2010-11-21T17:30:49Z")
Using the term “US American” automatically brands you as an irritating wanker. Yes there are a lot of countries on the American continents. But you know what? Every single one of them except the USA has a name that’s easy to turn into a national epithet. Canada = Canadians. Mexico = Mexicans. Brazil = Brazilians. And you know what? If you want to talk about South America as a whole you can say “South Americans”. Ditto “Central Americans” and “North Americans”. So just get the fuck over yourself and your fucking snotty barely-glossed-over anti-Americanism. We don’t fucking like you either. I bet it never fucking occurred to you that we’re just people, too. Piss off. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/66 "2010-11-21T19:04:00Z")
My rule has always been to call residents of a place [what they call themselves](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/67 "2010-11-21T19:08:25Z")
On the upside, for a brief shining moment Mario Lopez got to feel like an intellectual giant. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/68 "2010-11-21T19:46:10Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > God, I hate those leggy little melonfarmers. At least this one had the good manners to stroll out right in front of me, so I could easily bash him to death. (He was coming RIGHT AT ME!) A week ago my arachnophobic wife calls me into the bathroom to swat a spider that is out of her reach. A cortisone shot to my shoulder, some oxycodone, a week of rest and lots of Aleve later, I can finally comb my hair and dress myself without excruciating pain in my right deltoid. Fuckin’ spiders. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/69 "2010-11-21T22:33:18Z")
Hey, we need people to sign up for OVERTIME next week! Hey boss, when one of the days is a holiday and you don’t count that towards regular hours, it means the extra hours you want us to work are NOT overtime. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/70 "2010-11-21T23:28:25Z")
Deleted. Wrong thread. My apologies. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/71 "2010-11-22T03:15:19Z")
Hey soon-to-be-Ex, what you did to our son today was mean. He was really excited about watching his teacher’s drumming group perform at the festival. You should have led him to that part of the building instead of making him and his little friend stay clear on the other side. They could barely hear the performance and didn’t see a bit of it. I’m sure the kids WERE being rambunctious beforehand, they were SO excited about seeing their teacher. Insisting they calm down first would have been prudent. Yep. But you didn’t need to make him miss the whole thing. Broke his little 6-yr-old heart. p.s. I’ll bet his friend’s mom is PISSED. You’re gonna have to deal w/her on your own. heh. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/72 "2010-11-22T08:31:43Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > O, Nava you weren’t even trying. Heed the examples of purplehorseshoe and jsgoddess. > > I was hoping for a day off, but my husband caved to the not-so-subtle hints of a friend who didn’t want to eat alone on thanksgiving. Friend better be willing to play some boardgames and maybe help with the dishes. Sitting on the couch and drinking all my beer is going to get him booted early. You haven’t heard my mother, that’s the problem. The woman can put more fake in “good morning” than a whole chain of plastic surgery clinics can put on tits. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/73 "2010-11-22T15:36:47Z")
I was idly scrolling through my cell phone this past weekend, when I ran into the phone number of my now-dead [cousin](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12781029&postcount=776). I thought about it for a moment - hesitated, really - and then, I deleted her contact information from my phone. She’s been gone for months, might as well not pocket-dial some random person in Warsaw. A small gesture, crazier not to do so then to keep a dead woman’s defunct cell number. Still. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/74 "2010-11-22T15:53:47Z")
**I have apparently perfected the one-second stinkeye.** I’m browsing in a bookstore over the weekend when I hear someone behind me babbling nonstop in her Cellphone Voice. I swivel my head around to confirm this, making brief eye contact. This triggers about two minutes of nonstop cellphone babbling to the effect that “someonegavemeadirtylookfortalkingonmycellphone,howaboutthatIdidn’trealizeyouhadtobequietandnottalkonyourcellphoneinabookstore,arebookstoressupposedtobequietplaces,canyoubelievethat…” Somewhat gratifyingly however, this and subsequent nonstop babbling were at approximately 50% less decibels. I must use my powers wisely. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/75 "2010-11-22T16:11:37Z")
I was browsing in a bookstore last week, and someone came in blabbing away on their cell nice and loudly; I kept moving away from her, and she kept following me. I finally just fled. It must have looked like something from a comedy skit. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/76 "2010-11-22T16:12:01Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I was idly scrolling through my cell phone this past weekend, when I ran into the phone number of my now-dead [cousin](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12781029&postcount=776). I thought about it for a moment - hesitated, really - and then, I deleted her contact information from my phone. She’s been gone for months, might as well not pocket-dial some random person in Warsaw. > > A small gesture, crazier not to do so then to keep a dead woman’s defunct cell number. Still. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. That sucks, **purplehorseshoe.** For today’s contribution, it drives me batty when people ask me a question and they don’t like the answer so they just ask the question again. Nope, answer’s still the same. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/77 "2010-11-22T16:24:17Z")
I just realized that on Friday night, somewhere between locking the door and passing out fully clothed on top of the covers, I managed to write and send a very wordy, very mushy, very embarrassing (albeit impressively spelled and punctuated, under the circumstances) text message. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/78 "2010-11-22T17:58:33Z")
An open request to internet genealogy searchers: stop being such a bunch of retards. When someone’s tree states that an ancestor was born in 1618 in Connecticut, you might just try to jostle those brain cells a bit to question such an obviously wrong “fact”, instead of just copying it to your own family tree and furthering the lie. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/79 "2010-11-22T19:46:55Z")
> [@niblet\_head](#): > > That sucks, **purplehorseshoe.** > > For today’s contribution, it drives me batty when people ask me a question and they don’t like the answer so they just ask the question again. > > Nope, answer’s still the same. > > :smack: Thanks. Also, you should never come work in my office. My boss’s boss and my officemate are both bad about this. Your forehead would get flat from all the self-inflicted :smack:. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788/80 "2010-11-23T02:38:43Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I just realized that on Friday night, somewhere between locking the door and passing out fully clothed on top of the covers, I managed to write and send a very wordy, very mushy, very embarrassing (albeit impressively spelled and punctuated, under the circumstances) text message. :smack: To whom? Your boss? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-cornucopia-of-minirants/560788.md?page=5)