# A coworker can't wait to move away from her kids, is that normal? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2021, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931 "2021-08-03T03:46:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2021, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/61 "2021-08-08T14:35:27Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I think my wife is going to struggle a lot when our teenage kids leave the house. She definitely sees the upside of being an empty-nester, and is looking forward to expanding her personal interests, but she also really enjoys the friendship she has with our kids. At the same time, she completely rejected all of her own parents’ attempts at being friends and couldn’t wait to move away. It’s a mystery to me. When I was in college communication with my mother was once a week phone calls from the payphone in the lobby. When my kids were in college they’d call on their way to classes. My wife probably talked to them more than when they were at home. > [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > I suspect parents who cry when their kids go to college are sad because they’re going to miss their kids. A person spends a certain percentage of their lifetime in close proximity to their parents; **[a recent Kurzgesagt video](https://youtu.be/JXeJANDKwDc?t=345)** pointed out that by the time you become an adult and move out of your parents’ home, most of that together-time has already elapsed; for the rest of your life, the total amount of time you spend with your parents will probably be measured in weeks. I haven’t had a chance to look at the video, but most kids go home from college during summers, which is months, not weeks. I’m right now visiting one daughter who just had her second child. We’ve spent lots of time with both kids especially after our grandchildren were born, and both have moved back home for brief periods while transitioning between jobs and schools, with spouses. > [@msmith537](#): > > The point being this. Objectively speaking, if you give a 40 year old the choice of say…dealing with a couple of bratty teenagers and their teenager bullshit or go clubbing around Belmar, NJ as a “hot MILF” hooking up with random dudes…forgetting what you are “supposed to” do? I don’t know. The “hot MILF” in this example is married, so I doubt she’ll be picking up hot dudes. Yeah, I know it sounded like she was single. Some days raising kids sucked, but 99% of the time it was great, and it’s even better now they are out of the house, married, successful, and have kids. They’ve both enriched our lives amazingly. I do agree with you that sometimes being in the house by yourself is good. But not for too long. My response to the OP is that sending kids to boarding school might not be weird, especially if the local schools are deficient, but moving to a place where the kids can’t really come back to is. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2021, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/62 "2021-08-08T20:51:37Z")
I agree that it’s the moving away part that seems strange. I’ve known a couple of people who sent their kids to boarding schools and many more people whose kids moved out of the parental home - but only two couples under the age of 70 or so who moved out of the area where they raised their kids when one or more of the kids were still living in that area. Even (maybe especially) if the “kids” are adults with families of their own. I didn’t cry when my kids moved out and I was plenty ready for them to go - but as long as they are in the NYC area, I will be too. Now if one moves to Montana and the other to Louisiana , that’s another story. > [@steronz](#): > > I’m sure everyone posting here just LOVED living with their parents as teenagers, and probably wanted to continue living at home all through college, and continue to live in the same town/neighborhood as their parents because they just love spending time with them… I didn’t love living with my parents as a teenager and I did continue living with them all through college (although I would have preferred not to) but I have lived my entire adult life within a 20 minute drive of my mother’s house (I’m 58). Not because I love to spend time with her - but because it has made my life easier and hers too. Having seen the benefits of staying close by is the reason I won’t move away from my kids. Although I must point out that there is a reason I live a 20 minute drive away rather than a 5 minute walk - a 20 minute drive was too long for my mother to unexpectedly appear at my door. \* they commuted to college and moved out the summer they were 25 and 26 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2021, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/63 "2021-08-09T03:13:57Z")
> [@Kron](#): > > I can’t fucking WAIT for them to be out of the house. (youngest is now 17… Sooooooooooon…) > > I am not going to change my lifestyle in any way when they are gone; not going to try to “recapture my youth”; just going to continue my life while not having to take care of single-dad-ing every day. Same for me and my wife! Love our kids, loved having them around, and loved it when they moved out. I assumed I was “just going to continue my life”, but I noticed one big change: I was suddenly getting a full night’s sleep! (My kids were nightowls, and were often out 'til midnight. I didn’t really sleep until they made it home) ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2021, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/64 "2021-08-09T04:31:46Z")
Sounds like a spoiled, rich, narcissistic, divorced party girl who married young and now wants to “live” again. Where’s the father in all this? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2021, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/65 "2021-08-09T11:04:21Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > When he was finally surrounded by Americans, upon going to college in the US, the biggest culture shock for him was how little respect his peers had for their parents. He’d say things like, “Asian kids honor their parents a lot more; I’m like them.” Having lived for decades in Asia, I don’t buy into “Asian kids honor their parents.” I do believe that Asian society makes it more difficult to say what they are thinking in many cases, but that doesn’t mean they honor them. Japanese even has a word for the teenage rebellious period and many of my friends are surprised that Beta-chan (now 12!) actually still talks to me, as many daughters (and some sons) just want to have absolutely nothing to do with their fathers. Asian mothers are often seen as interfering and nagging. (Japanese fathers are often working too much and detached from the family.) Not all families are like this, of course, just like not all American families are, but tweens and teens are tweens and teens the world over. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2021, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/66 "2021-08-09T19:18:47Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I do believe that Asian society makes it more difficult to say what they are thinking in many cases I suspect that generalization comes closer to the truth, and a young teen would have trouble telling the difference - although to be clear, he didn’t particularly interact with Japanese kids, who were rarely sent to the international school; there was a separate Japanese school that they all went to. His best friend was Chinese Malaysian and most of his other friends were Indian, with a few Koreans and Indonesians thrown in for good measure. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/67 "2021-08-11T02:05:49Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > Sounds like a spoiled, rich, narcissistic, divorced party girl who married young and now wants to “live” again. Where’s the father in all this? Probably sick of all their shit. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2021, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/68 "2021-08-11T02:33:19Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > > [@msmith537](#): > > > > The point being this. Objectively speaking, if you give a 40 year old the choice of say…dealing with a couple of bratty teenagers and their teenager bullshit or go clubbing around Belmar, NJ as a “hot MILF” hooking up with random dudes…forgetting what you are “supposed to” do? I don’t know. > > The “hot MILF” in this example is married, so I doubt she’ll be picking up hot dudes. Yeah, I know it sounded like she was single. > Some days raising kids sucked, but 99% of the time it was great, and it’s even better now they are out of the house, married, successful, and have kids. They’ve both enriched our lives amazingly. > I do agree with you that sometimes being in the house by yourself is good. But not for too long. > > My response to the OP is that sending kids to boarding school might not be weird, especially if the local schools are deficient, but moving to a place where the kids can’t really come back to is. “Exciting beach town” I just sort of pictured an older version of Snooky or J Woww from that Jersey Shore reality show. But yeah, it could easily be just wanting to sit quietly reading a book without having to deal with family drama. Although given that the woman the OP describes doesn’t seem to particularly care about her children, she might not give a crap about being “married” either. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2021, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/69 "2021-08-16T02:57:20Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > Sounds like a spoiled, rich, narcissistic, divorced party girl who married young and now wants to “live” again. Where’s the father in all this? Looks like you didn’t read the OP’s clarification in [post #11](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/11)? > [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > This isn’t a single parent though, shes married to the kids father and has been since before the kids were born. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931/70 "2021-08-18T15:29:39Z")
You’re right, I didn’t see that, but I’d imaging with an attitude like that her marriage will have problems, but regardless, I’d like to know where the father is in this mess? He have the same attitude? If he’s a more “normal” father, the marriage is likely in trouble. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-coworker-cant-wait-to-move-away-from-her-kids-is-that-normal/947931.md?page=3)