# A day in the life of my Junk Mail filter.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2002, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443 "2002-10-01T20:46:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/1 "2002-10-01T20:46:27Z")
Hmmm. 12 junk e-mails since noon. Let’s look at the subjects, shall we? \*\*jack off 4 free no charge 30 min offer \*\* I’m confused. Does this person come from a place where they charge to jack off? Who exactly do they get to collect that tax, and can the tax collectors write off the rubber gloves? Can I jack off for 30 minutes free, and after that there’s a charge, or is it only free if I respond in the next 30 minutes? Is this real time, or cumulative? If it’s the later, is there a time limit like, say AOL? Do I have 30 minutes a day/month/year/lifetime? I need more information. **the ultimate poker game…you versus live players** Well, that’s good, the dead ones were remarkably easy to beat, even though they have great poker faces. **Get your FREE mortgage…** A free mortgage? Wow. I can work free into my budget. I think I’ll buy Falling Waters. \*\*How’s your online business doing? \*\* I don’t think I would want to take any advice from someone who thinks spam is an effective marketing tool, thanks anyway. \*\*advantage \*\* This is either for flea medication or a very abreviated tennis score. \*\*LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! \*\* THANK GOD! I was just about to walk into the light, but this email pulled me back! \*\*WEIRD, They can help you \*\* No, THEY can’t. THEY are all out to get me! **SEE EVERYONE’S FBI FILE ONLINE!** All at once? Gonna be a mighty busy screen \*\*YOU’RE BEING WATCHED!!! \*\* SEE??? I told you THEY were out to get me! \*\*hey \*\* Nice to see Gary Glitter is doing OK after the whole child porn thingy. \*\*Make $18.90/per hour Guarenteed \*\* Stuffing envelops or sending spam? Either way, it’s a career with a future! \*\*WEIRD!, Is this cool or what?!! \*\* Yea. Spam. Real cool. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/2 "2002-10-01T21:45:26Z")
**Jenna 11:39 AM -0500 3 (adlt) How far will she go? All the way! Stacie 1:21 PM 10/1/02 -0800 1 Never Shave Again?** Ever notice how you get emails from Jenna or Stacie but seldom from Gertrude or Naomi? \*\*recordingpen@recorde.cu.99 11:34 PM 10/1/02 -0400 3 ADV:MP3 digital long time hi-Fi recording Pen,fully pc \*\* One would not want a politically incorrect recording pen, I guess… **Navarro Abrianna 3:06 AM -0700 8 Eliminate Creditor Harrassement Immediately… Stacie 12:46 PM 10/1/02 -0800 1 Never Shave Again?** Persistent, isn’t she? **\<[sty2002\_mortge\_deb\_nort2228t76@earthlink.net](mailto:sty2002_mortge_deb_nort2228t76@earthlink.net)\> 5:38 PM 10/1/02 -1000 1 Save 30% on your current loans [a d v] Savannah 9:07 AM -0700 16 Dear Ahunter! Public nudity & sex in public places! Jus** Fooey. It’s the public nudity and sex in non-public places that we want to learn more about… **James Burby 2:43 AM 10/2/02 -0400 4 FREE: Buy 5 and Get 1 Marlboro Carton Free!** ---
**Author:** ![Lyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Lyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyra)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/3 "2002-10-02T00:14:41Z")
**Sally Kincaid** I hear from her 2 or three times daily. The subject is always “I laughed until I cried” or I laughed so hard I was in tears". I have hotmail, and Sally is one annoying lady. I don’t pay attention to the from address, but I particularly like the ones that say “Increase your penis by 4 inches in 10 minutes”. Well, let’s see, that is a huge amount!!! Considering, we’re starting with nothing, how amazing!!! But, they are persistent, if I took every offer I received, I’d have 30 feet by now and Guinness would be knocking on my door. I must see the lady with the 30 foot penis that she got in 1 hour through internet offers!!! AARRRGHHHH!!! ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/4 "2002-10-02T02:47:27Z")
Yeah, but my chest measurements would be pretty phenomenal by now. (Unless I availed myself of the less-often touted reduction services at some point along the way). ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/5 "2002-10-02T17:21:52Z")
\ \*\* 100% FREE Nuddies!\*\* I wonder what a nuddie is. A type of nut? \*\* Lose 80lbs in 3 months!\*\* I think my doctor would advise against losing over half of my weight in three months, or, you know, at all. 'Sides, if I did that, I’d be in danger of having Sally Struthers following me around with a pork-chop. \*\* Increase your penis length by 3 inches!\*\* What the hell good would a 3 inch long penis be to me? Why don’t they at least try to avoid sending this crap to feminine names? I know they can get my first name, enough of it comes with my name in the subject line. I suppose I could keep it in a jar, and bring it with me when I’m hiking or something, so I could pee in the woods. \*\* Get Viagra without a prescription!\*\* Do I need this if I go hiking? \*\* Are you paying too much for Life?\*\* Someone should have told me I needed to keep paying for it, no wonder mine’s so dull lately.:smack: \*\* Chat with Singles for Free on Volura!\*\* Isn’t that one of the moons of Jupiter? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/6 "2002-10-02T17:31:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elfkin477 \* > \*\*What the hell good would a 3 inch long penis be to me? I suppose I could keep it in a jar, and bring it with me when I’m hiking or something, so I could pee in the woods. > \*\* Thank you for the biggest laugh of my day! 😃 I managed to stop just about all the junk spam to my Hotmail accounts by taking the filter to the max. So far, my yahoo account has stayed spam-free, and my netscape account gets occasional weird offers, but none of the hot, slutty teenage girls in heat that used to show up on Hotmail. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2002, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-day-in-the-life-of-my-junk-mail-filter/130443/7 "2002-10-02T17:38:47Z")
A friend’s mother somehow got hold of my email address, and started to include me in her “distributions”. She averaged three to five “Jesus Saves” and “worst virus ever” emails a day for weeks. Finally, I set up this rule… Friend’s mom email rule #1 Apply this rule after the message arrives: Where the From Line contains: Friend’s mom @ her email .com and where the message body contains ‘virus’ or ‘jesus’ or ‘god’ Delete it I felt a twinge of guilt, but I had to do it.