# A different sort of joke thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [January 6, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865 "2010-01-06T03:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/221 "2010-01-15T00:17:38Z")
How do you get Siamese twins off the couch. Just jerk one off and the other will come. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/222 "2010-01-15T00:47:48Z")
A frog hops into a bank and onto the counter. “I’d like to borrow some money, please,” he croaks. The teller stares and says, “Er, what’s your name?” “Keith Richards, Jr.,” the frog says, and then he looks at her name plate. “And you must be Patricia Whack.” “Yeah. Junior, huh? Is your dad–?” “Yep–that Keith Richards. So can I borrow some money?” “How much do you need?” “A million dollars.” “Do you have any collateral?” the teller asks. “Sure!” The frog reaches into a pocket and pulls out a little plastic hula girl that bobs around on a spring. The teller is totally flummoxed, so she goes to the bank manager. “Sir, I’ve got a frog here, says he’s Keith Richards Jr., wants to borrow a million dollars, and all he has for collateral is this thing, and I don’t even know what it is!” The manager takes one look at it and answers, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack–give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!” ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/223 "2010-01-15T01:18:07Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > The Soviet Union falls and the Romanov monarchy is restored. Gorbachev is exiled to Siberia. Months later he learns that his wife, back in Moscow, is very ill, and he grows desperate to see her. He is finally able to get the new Tsar on the phone, and begs the monarch to permit him to return to the capital to attend to his ailing wife. The Tsar puts his hand over the receiver and says to his closest advisor, “I don’t know, what do you think, Gromyko?” I don’t get this one. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/224 "2010-01-15T01:34:01Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I don’t get this one. Gromyko was known as “Mr. Nyet” ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/225 "2010-01-15T01:35:03Z")
A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. “Downsizing.” He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to fire. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing at the water cooler. He says to himself, “Okay it’s going to be one of them.” He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He’s in a quandary. It’s Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. She comes over to say goodbye. “Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don’t look so good. Is everything okay?” He looks at her and says “To be honest, I’m having a tough time here. I can’t decide if I should lay you or Jack off.” And she looks at him and says "Well I have to catch a bus, so i suggest you jack off. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/226 "2010-01-15T01:45:14Z")
> [@Hoopy\_Frood](#): > > Gromyko was known as “Mr. Nyet” Hmmm… I still don’t get it. I mean, I get that “nyet” means “no,” but I still don’t get the joke. Personal favorite: Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? Because she was a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/227 "2010-01-15T02:03:16Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I don’t get this one. Andrei Gromyko was the quintessential Communist Party survivor, serving every Soviet leader from Stalin to Gorbachev. No matter who was in power, he always landed on his feet: [Andrei Gromyko - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrei_Gromyko). ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/228 "2010-01-15T02:23:07Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > 6 points. Is ‘tight’ slang for drunk? If so, 7 points. Yes. Frankly, I don’t see why it should even be worth as much as 6 without that. Don’t people say “tight” for drunk any more? Merriam-Webster gives it, and does not even mark it as slang. > [@](#): > > I dunno…if you pronounced it ‘grand pricks’ it would still be funny. I suppose it might still sort of work that way, but it seems to me that, in spoken form, one of two things is likely to go wrong: either it takes a moment or two figure out what the pun is, and joke falls flat, or else you immediately realize, before hearing the last line, that she has misread “Grand Prix” as “grand pricks,” and it just becomes too obvious to be funny. In the written form, you have a much better chance that the light will dawn at just the right moment. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/229 "2010-01-15T02:34:17Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > A frog hops into a bank and onto the counter. “I’d like to borrow some money, please,” he croaks. > The teller stares and says, “Er, what’s your name?” > “Keith Richards, Jr.,” the frog says, and then he looks at her name plate. “And you must be Patricia Whack.” > “Yeah. Junior, huh? Is your dad–?” > “Yep–that Keith Richards. So can I borrow some money?” > “How much do you need?” > “A million dollars.” > “Do you have any collateral?” the teller asks. > “Sure!” The frog reaches into a pocket and pulls out a little plastic hula girl that bobs around on a spring. > The teller is totally flummoxed, so she goes to the bank manager. “Sir, I’ve got a frog here, says he’s Keith Richards Jr., wants to borrow a million dollars, and all he has for collateral is this thing, and I don’t even know what it is!” > The manager takes one look at it and answers, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack–give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!” I have a much better version of that one, but it is too long to fit into this margin. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/230 "2010-01-15T02:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Why don’t black people go on cruises? 8 points. > [@](#): > > So Olie and Lena are out on their first date and they go to a fancy restaurant 7 points. > [@](#): > > Proper capitalization is the difference between : “I helped my brother Jack off his horse” 7 points. > [@](#): > > Stalinist Russia in 1947. Two policemen are standing on a streetcorner 7 points. > [@](#): > > The Soviet Union falls and the Romanov monarchy is restored. 😕 > [@](#): > > A commissar is haranguing factory workers during the Russian Revolution. 7 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/231 "2010-01-15T03:02:11Z")
> [@](#): > > A plane crashes into the deepest, darkest heart of the Amazon rain forest. Zero points. > [@](#): > > What’s the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist? 6 points. > [@](#): > > A guy is stuck in traffic on his way home one day. Zero points. > [@](#): > > Do you know what woks are for? 7 points. > [@](#): > > Two spiral galaxies go into a pub. The bartender looks up and scowls: “Get out - you’re barred.” 😕 (not nerdy enough to get this one) > [@](#): > > Quasimodo goes into a pub. 6 points. > [@](#): > > How do you get Siamese twins off the couch. 8 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/232 "2010-01-15T03:05:39Z")
> [@](#): > > A frog hops into a bank and onto the counter. “I’d like to borrow some money, please,” he croaks. Jesus. Really? Jesus. Ok…8 points. > [@](#): > > A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. Zero points. > [@](#): > > Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver? 8.5 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/233 "2010-01-15T03:09:23Z")
> [@](#): > > I suppose it might still sort of work that way, but it seems to me that, in spoken form, one of two things is likely to go wrong: either it takes a moment or two figure out what the pun is, and joke falls flat, or else you immediately realize, before hearing the last line, that she has misread “Grand Prix” as “grand pricks,” and it just becomes too obvious to be funny. In the written form, you have a much better chance that the light will dawn at just the right moment. Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But I told it today and got a huge laugh. Even though they got the joke before the actual punchline, the phrase ‘you’re gonna be disappointed’ set them over the edge. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/234 "2010-01-15T05:42:00Z")
Two gay men are walking down the sidewalk. Across the street, walking toward them, is the most gorgeous woman they’ve ever seen, with a stunning figure and a low-cut dress. They stare as she walks past. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy replies, “Yeah! It’s almost enough to make me wish I were a lesbian!” ---
**Author:** ![KennerTheGreat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a8b319/32.png) [@KennerTheGreat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KennerTheGreat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/235 "2010-01-15T06:30:32Z")
What do you call a woman who trades sexual favours for spaghetti dinners? A pasta-tute. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/236 "2010-01-15T06:51:47Z")
A physicist, an engineer and a computer programmer are in a car. The car is headed downhill and the brakes have failed, when they finally come to a stop they get out of the car and start discussing what went wrong. The engineer wants to take the front tires off and examine the brake system for a failure, the physicist wants to do some testing and find the coefficient of friction between the pads and rotors to see if maybe that’s the problem…The computer programmer says “let’s just take it to the top of the hill and see if it does it again” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Klutz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captain_klutz/32/4993_2.png) [@Captain\_Klutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Klutz)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/237 "2010-01-15T11:00:20Z")
Many years ago, a young man walked into a theatrical agent’s office and said “I’ve got a song and dance act. I’ll show you”. He did some of it and the agent saw that the kid was good. Real good. The agent said “You’re pretty good. What’s your name?” “Penis Van Lesbian” he replied. There was a stunned silence. Then the agent said “Well, that’s go to to change. I know, we’ll call you Dick Van Dyke” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/238 "2010-01-15T16:10:54Z")
Two rabbis are walkng along when they pass by a church. The sign out front states “Convert to Catholicism, we pay you $50.” One turns to the other and says “That can’t possibly be right. Their church can’t be so hard up for worshipers that they’d do something like that!” “Well there’s only one way to find out,” the second one chuckles “Why don’t you go inside and ask?” “All right then.” the first one says. He walks into the church while the other one enters the church. Ten minutes go by. The second rabbi emerges from the church. “Well? Did they really pay you $50?” the first rabbi asks. The second rabbi looks at his friend and sneers. “It’s always about the money with you people…” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/239 "2010-01-15T16:39:11Z")
> [@](#): > > Two gay men are walking down the sidewalk. 6 points. > [@](#): > > What do you call a woman who trades sexual favours for spaghetti dinners? A pasta-tute. 8 points. > [@](#): > > A physicist, an engineer and a computer programmer are in a car. 6 points. > [@](#): > > Many years ago, a young man walked into a theatrical agent’s office and said “I’ve got a song and dance act. I’ll show you”. Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/240 "2010-01-15T16:43:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Two rabbis are walkng along when they pass by a church. Minus 1, for the repeat. (post #147): > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Herschel and Moishe walk by a Christian church that has a big sign out front: _Convert to Christianity - win $1000!_ > > Herschel says to Moishe, “What do you think?” Moishe says, “Eh, a thousand bucks is a thousand bucks.” He goes into the church and Herschel waits on the sidewalk. Moishe comes out ten minutes later and Herschel asks, “So, how’d it go? Did they give you the money?” > > Moishe glares at him. “It’s always about the money with you Jews, isn’t it?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=13)