# A different sort of joke thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [January 6, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865 "2010-01-06T03:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 29
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/561 "2010-01-28T19:40:08Z")
Roy Rogers has a pair of boots custom made for him. Dale makes him leave them out on the porch at night so he won’t track dirt into the ranch house. He gets up one day and finds his beloved boots outside the door torn to shreds by a bobcat. He calls all his ranch hands together and tells them to hunt down and kill that critter. Later that afternoon a ranch hand rides up with a dead bobcat slung across his saddle. Roy comes out of the house, the hand throws the bobcat on the ground and says: “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?” Hell, I give MYSELF a zero. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/562 "2010-01-28T19:46:45Z")
I don’t get it, **koufax**. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/563 "2010-01-28T19:50:29Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I don’t get it, **koufax**. Try saying… better yet, SINGING the punchline, instead of reading it. (Hint: Think of Glenn Miller) ---
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/564 "2010-01-28T20:01:05Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I don’t get it, **koufax**. ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/QzHIn5S-RbY/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/QzHIn5S-RbY?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/565 "2010-01-28T20:19:47Z")
> [@koufax](#): > > “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?” > > Hell, I give MYSELF a zero. I posted that one in a pun thread. It didn’t go over that well there either. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/566 "2010-01-28T21:04:32Z")
A young polar bear goes to his mother and asks “Mom, am I a full blooded polar bear?” His mother says, “Well, my mother and father were polar bears, and all of my grandparents were polar bears, so I’m a full blooded polar bear, so you must be a full blooded polar bear too.” The young polar bear replies “OK.” and wanders off dejectedly. A little while later he goes to his father and says “Dad, am I a full blooded polar bear?” His father says, “Son, of course you’re a full blooded polar bear. I’m a full blooded polar bear, my parents were full blooded polar bears, all the way back in our family tree all your ancestors have been full blooded polar bears.” He replies “Ok.” and wanders off again. That night at dinner, the young polar bear asks “Mom & Dad, are you _sure_ I’m a full blooded polar bear?” His parents look at each other and say “Son, we’ve both explained to you that we’re full blooded polar bears, our parents were full blooded polar bears, their parents were full blooded polar bears, and so on. You are definitely a full blooded polar bear.” He replies “Ok” once again. His parents then ask, "Son, why are you so concerned if you’re a full blooded polar bear? He looks at both of them for a second and answers, “It’s just that I’m fucking _freezing._” ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/567 "2010-01-28T21:28:02Z")
A little Ethnic brave goes up to his Daddy, the Chief, and asks “How do Ethnic babies get their names?” The Chief answers “Well, when a squaw gives birth, she opens the teepee flaps and names the papoose after the first thing she sees. That’s why your sister is named Rising Sun. Now, why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?” ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/568 "2010-01-28T22:00:41Z")
Oh boy, polar bears. Now time to tell my lame ass polar bear jokes. What did the polar bear cub say to his mom at dinner? Oh man, seals again? What do you call a balanced meal for a polar bear? A seal in each paw. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/569 "2010-01-28T22:48:46Z")
> [@Rain\_Soaked](#): > > …“I just come home from work and watch porn movies and eat Cheetos.” OMFG. I’d give this a 10!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/570 "2010-01-29T03:10:40Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > At last, she looked up angrily and yelled, “Shaddup a you face! I’m-a talk-a to your MOTHER!!!” 8 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/571 "2010-01-29T03:12:00Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > We’d hate to leave out the antipodean cousins, so: > > New Zealand has also raised its security levels… 6 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/572 "2010-01-29T03:13:40Z")
> [@Rain\_Soaked](#): > > The man says, “Me too Doc! I don’t have any real stress now. I just come home from work and watch porn movies and eat Cheetos.” Zero points. I’d heard that one a long time ago and had forgotten it; thanks for reminding me of it. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/573 "2010-01-29T03:14:44Z")
> [@koufax](#): > > “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?” Hell, I give MYSELF a zero. Yeah, I give ya a zero too. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/574 "2010-01-29T03:16:02Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > He looks at both of them for a second and answers, > > “It’s just that I’m fucking _freezing._” 8 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/575 "2010-01-29T03:17:04Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > A little Ethnic brave goes up to his Daddy, the Chief, and asks “How do Ethnic babies get their names?” > > The Chief answers “Well, when a squaw gives birth, she opens the teepee flaps and names the papoose after the first thing she sees. That’s why your sister is named Rising Sun. Now, why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?” Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/576 "2010-01-29T03:18:07Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Oh boy, polar bears. Now time to tell my lame ass polar bear jokes. > > What did the polar bear cub say to his mom at dinner? > > Oh man, seals again? > What do you call a balanced meal for a polar bear? > > A seal in each paw. 6 points. 6 points. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/577 "2010-01-29T04:16:31Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Gimme my money. I first heard that in the early Seventies; it was quite popular in my elementary school. 😃 > > * * * I was talking to Mr. Meanie… Why should I give money to _you_? You’re the one who has been stealing all my best jokes. …now I’ll have to dig through what’s left of my brain to find a good one… ::grumble grumble:: ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/578 "2010-01-29T12:46:59Z")
Heard about the new pirate movie coming out? It’s rated _aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh_ ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/579 "2010-01-29T12:49:26Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > It’s rated _aaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhh_ 0 points. That’s an oldie. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/580 "2010-01-29T12:58:11Z")
It was 1st grade, and spelling was the subject. The teacher asks the class “Who can spell a word that begins with A?” Little Michelle raises her hand and says “Apple. A-P-P-L-E” . “Very good, Michelle. Now, who can spell a word that begins with B?” Little Michael raises his hand and says “Banana. B-A-N-A-N-A” , and so on… Then the teacher got to W. Silence. “Come on, doesn’t anybody know a word that starts with W?” Little Johnny raises his hand, and says “Womb. W-O-M-B.” “Very good, Johnny. Do you know what that word means?” Little Johnny replied “Yeah. It’s the sound of two elephants fucking… WOMB! WOMB! WOMB!” (It’s better when told, rather than typed, probably) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=28) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=30)