# A different sort of joke thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [January 6, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865 "2010-01-06T03:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 33
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/641 "2010-02-02T15:43:25Z")
Why do Ethnic couples like to do it doggy style? So both of them can watch the hockey game! ---
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/642 "2010-02-02T19:04:14Z")
Two men are having a loud conversation in a bar. “All lawyers are assholes!!!”, one of the men loudly yelled. Down at the other end of the bar a man answered back, “hey fella, watch what you’re saying. I strongly resent those remarks!” The first man says, “Oh I’m sorry, are you a lawyer?” The other man replies… “No, I’m an asshole.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/643 "2010-02-03T03:14:33Z")
Three astronauts are about to be sent to the space station on a year long mission. Because they’ll be in space so long, NASA decides to let them choose the one thing they wanted the most and bring it along. The first astronaut always wanted to learn Latin, so he got several texts on the language. The second wanted his wife along so she was given a crash course at the space center and put on the rocket with her husband. The third loved cigars so much, but rarely got the good Cubans, so asked to have a crate of those added to the manifest and so they were placed in the cargo hold. A year later, the space shuttle returns with the three astronuats. The first one comes out, walks up to the microphone and speaks perfect Latin to the cheering crowd. The second comes out with his wife and two babies in their arms. They hold them up to the crowd, which cheers even more. The third comes out, chewing on the stub of a cigar. He stalks up to the podium, grabs the microphone and says “Anyone got a light?” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/644 "2010-02-03T10:43:14Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Once more Ole shakes his head. “First der was Sven with his budgie-jumping, den Knute parrot-shooting … and now Lars, hen-gliding.” > > Dats all! Dare ain’t no more! 7 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/645 "2010-02-03T10:45:00Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? > > With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside. 8 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/646 "2010-02-03T10:46:01Z")
> [@A\_Spoonful\_of\_Awesome](#): > > Why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkled? > > Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they’d be Asprin. > > (cue crickets) > > Don’t know why, but that one cracks me up every time. Uhh…5 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/647 "2010-02-03T10:47:27Z")
> [@A\_Spoonful\_of\_Awesome](#): > > “He should have quit while he was a head.” > > 😃 Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/648 "2010-02-03T10:48:47Z")
> [@A\_Spoonful\_of\_Awesome](#): > > I can stop anytime I want to. I just don’t want to… > > Two fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says “any idea how to drive this thing?” > > * * * > > A fish is swimming down a stream. He hits a wall and goes “Dam!”. > > * * * > > Two peanuts are walking down an alley in a bad neighborhood. One was a salted. > > * * * > > And, I’m sure many of you have heard this one but for some reason I feel compelled to post it.. > > [You’re going to hate me for this.](http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com/vb/showpost.php?p=1704611&postcount=96) 😛 Zero points, all. Except the link; I’ll score that one maybe after I retire. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/649 "2010-02-03T11:12:46Z")
If memory serves, this will only work if you know that just off the coast of Texas, near Mustang Island, there is a species of fish (Snappers) that is quite tasty. Sometimes, you can tell the difference at the market by the different colors of the fish. ::ahem:: So, did you hear about the woman who went fishing with three guys and came back with a big Red Snapper? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/650 "2010-02-03T15:03:02Z")
A man set up a table in a public park with a big sign reading, _Free crackers and cheese!_ People gathered around and eagerly helped themselves until they realized that the cheese tasted absolutely disgusting. It was the most terrible, terrible taste in the world. People wept as they spat out the cheese and wailed in their anguish, it was so very, very bad. Then they looked around and, panicking, realized that there were no water fountains in the park. That was when the man set out a second sign: _Mouthwash: $25 a cup._ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/651 "2010-02-04T04:20:19Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > “Don’t worry about it,” he replied. “Other guys usually just leave her hanging from the tree.” 6 points. That was a long journey. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/652 "2010-02-04T04:22:02Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > “I’m sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.” Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/653 "2010-02-04T04:23:09Z")
> [@J-P\_L](#): > > “Well, you should watch the movie”, answers the wife, “you already know how to play hockey.” 7 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/654 "2010-02-04T04:24:16Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Why do Ethnic couples like to do it doggy style? > > So both of them can watch the hockey game! Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/655 "2010-02-04T04:25:21Z")
[QUOTE=koufax;12067973The first man says, “Oh I’m sorry, are you a lawyer?” The other man replies… “No, I’m an asshole.”[/QUOTE] Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/656 "2010-02-04T04:27:05Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Three astronauts are about to be sent to the space station on a year long mission. Because they’ll be in space so long, NASA decides to let them choose the one thing they wanted the most and bring it along. The first astronaut always wanted to learn Latin, so he got several texts on the language. The second wanted his wife along so she was given a crash course at the space center and put on the rocket with her husband. The third loved cigars so much, but rarely got the good Cubans, so asked to have a crate of those added to the manifest and so they were placed in the cargo hold. > > A year later, the space shuttle returns with the three astronuats. The first one comes out, walks up to the microphone and speaks perfect Latin to the cheering crowd. > > The second comes out with his wife and two babies in their arms. They hold them up to the crowd, which cheers even more. > > The third comes out, chewing on the stub of a cigar. He stalks up to the podium, grabs the microphone and says “Anyone got a light?” **TEN POINTS For Intergalactic Gladiator !!!** ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/657 "2010-02-04T04:28:25Z")
> [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > So, did you hear about the woman who went fishing with three guys and came back with a big Red Snapper? Zero points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/658 "2010-02-04T04:29:25Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > That was when the man set out a second sign: _Mouthwash: $25 a cup._ 6 points. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/659 "2010-02-04T04:42:28Z")
[SIZE=“7”] **Leader Board Updated** [/SIZE] **The following posters have 10-point submissions:** Elendil’s Heir (x2) Johnny Q (x2) J-P L (x2) amrussell CMOSDES Intergalactic Gladiator Joey P njtt Tattman40 Zakalwe ElvisL1ves ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/660 "2010-02-04T16:30:25Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > **TEN POINTS For Intergalactic Gladiator !!!** Woo hoo! Thank you, thank you. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who made this possible, the academy, whoever told me that joke many years ago. I’d also like to thank my mother because without her, I’d never be here. She gave me bus fare. _music plays_ _Intergalactic Gladiator walks off stage the wrong way_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=32) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=34)