# A different sort of joke thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [January 6, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865 "2010-01-06T03:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 37
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/721 "2010-02-11T17:08:50Z")
I’m in for it with this one, but here goes … There are three kinds of Ethnics, who can be categorized as Motees, Monbacks, and Doodahs. The highest-class Ethnics are the Motees. They like to dress up in nice clothes and hold well-behaved little parties for each other. They are so named because they often say “Mo’ tea?” In the middle are the Monbacks. They do work, but at menial jobs like Parking Lot Attendant. They are so named because they wave at drivers and yell " 'Mon back!" And, at the bottom, are the Doodahs. They don’t work at all, they just sit around saying “Do dah check come today or do dah check come tomorrah?” ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/722 "2010-02-12T00:19:17Z")
> [@Hoopy\_Frood](#): > > That’s how I always heard it as well, and I’m not a Euro. (Though, I think I originally heard it from my girlfriend, who has a spent a lot of time in Europe, including **bartending under the table** in Ireland while she was doing study abroad.) Wow. What bar is this? I need to go there! [QUOTE=ElvisL1ves] The highest-class Ethnics are the Motees. [/quote] Moteesuhs. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2010, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/723 "2010-02-12T00:54:34Z")
> [@Zakalwe](#): > > Wow. What bar is this? I need to go there! > > Moteesuhs. “Under the table.” As in being paid cash directly since she didn’t have a work visa. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2010, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/724 "2010-02-12T01:23:15Z")
> [@Hoopy\_Frood](#): > > “Under the table.” As in being paid cash directly since she didn’t have a work visa. Ummm…yeah, I understand that. I made a funny. See how that works in a joke thread? ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Uncle\_Goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Goat)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/725 "2010-02-12T01:42:47Z")
The wife of the German factory worker was nearing her ninth month and they still didn’t have a crib. Money was very tight, and the poor worker wasn’t sure what to do, so he slowly started stealing parts from the factory. Before his wife went into labor, he quickly took the parts he had taken and tried to make them into a crib. But no matter what he did, or how he arranged the parts, he always ended up with a machine gun. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/726 "2010-02-12T02:05:08Z")
Where do you find a llama with no legs? Wherever you left him. OK, fine. I tell a lot of jokes to little kids. They love 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Uncle\_Goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Goat)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/727 "2010-02-13T14:07:04Z")
A little boy was sitting behind the bus driver singing over and over: “If my mommy was a hippo and my daddy was a hippo then I’d be hippo. If my mommy was a lion and my daddy was lion then I’d be lion. If my mommy was a monkey and daddy was a monkey then I’d be monkey.” The bus driver finally snaps and snarls “What if you’re mommy was a whore and your daddy was a bum?” “Then I’d be a bus driver!” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2010, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/728 "2010-02-14T23:13:41Z")
What’s the moral to the movie Toy Story? Never play with your Woody when you have a Buzz. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/729 "2010-02-15T22:23:54Z")
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “You actually know that many women?” he asks, amazed. “No,” says the mad mailer. “I don’t know any of them.” “Then why spend so much to send so many expensive cards?” asks the man. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/730 "2010-02-15T23:36:50Z")
In honor of Presidents Day: Lincoln was called “two-faced” by a critic and joked, “If I was two-faced, do you think I’d be wearing this one?” Lincoln grew frustrated with the slow pace of Gen. George McClellan’s military operations and said, “If Gen. McClellan doesn’t want to use the Army of the Potomac, I’d like to borrow it for awhile.” When Lincoln ran for Congress against a well-known local Baptist preacher, he attended one of his opponent’s tent-revival meetings. The preacher noticed him and said, “Everybody who thinks he’ll go to Heaven, stand up!” Quite a few people stood up. Then he said, “Everybody who _wants_ to go to Heaven, stand up!” Everybody stood up but Lincoln. The preacher whirled towards Lincoln and said, “And you, Mr. Lincoln, where do you want to go?” “I reckon I’d like to go to Congress,” he replied, grinning. ---
**Author:** ![GreatStuffMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f04885/32.png) [@GreatStuffMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreatStuffMan)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/731 "2010-02-17T10:27:48Z")
Q. Why don’t blind men skydive? A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/732 "2010-02-17T10:58:34Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > A Cajun who died went to hell. > > … > > The Cajun kept grinning and asked, “Don’t dis mean de Saints won da Super Bowl?” Speaking of The temperature of Hell… An old chestnut, which has been often repeated on the Internet ([one example](http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/exoendo.htm)) – so I’m not claiming it’s mine by any stretch) – but a good one: > [@](#): > > **Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? > Hell from an engineering approach** > > The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid term. The answer was so profound that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. > > Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)? > > Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: > > ``` > "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. > > Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: > > 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. > 2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. > > So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze." > > ``` ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/733 "2010-02-17T13:08:20Z")
> [@GreatStuffMan](#): > > Q. Why don’t blind men skydive? > A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog. Done already, and got 0 points back then as well. ---
**Author:** ![optimisticcynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4da419/32.png) [@optimisticcynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/optimisticcynic)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/734 "2010-02-26T02:00:11Z")
Can we bring this back?? ---
**Author:** ![optimisticcynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4da419/32.png) [@optimisticcynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/optimisticcynic)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/735 "2010-02-26T02:09:59Z")
Why did God give women legs? So they wouldn’t have orgasims all the time. ---
**Author:** ![optimisticcynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4da419/32.png) [@optimisticcynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/optimisticcynic)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2010, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/736 "2010-02-26T02:15:42Z")
BTW, steer me thru the process of hiding the answer for the clue, joke. I’m an old guy, new to this. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2010, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/737 "2010-02-26T04:33:54Z")
> [@optimisticcynic](#): > > BTW, steer me thru the process of hiding the answer for the clue, joke. I’m an old guy, new to this. Put [spoiler] at the beginning and [/spoiler] at the end, just without the spaces inside the brackets. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865/738 "2010-03-03T03:27:09Z")
This one is a bit more graphic, but here goes: Why did God give Woman legs? So they wouldn’t leave slime trails like slugs everywhere they went. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-different-sort-of-joke-thread/523865.md?page=36)