# A dorm etiquette primer
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 18, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896 "2002-10-18T21:25:15Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/41 "2002-10-21T15:24:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Rhum Runner \*
> \*\*Do not let this recorder wench walk all over you. People who aspire to playing the recorder are bound to respect intimidation, it is a law of nature. \*\*
Rumor is there’s a chord that when played on the recorder makes everyone shit their pants. Who’s intimidating who? whom?
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/42 "2002-10-21T15:25:48Z")
Ah, **Monty** – I do love your “Hey Kool-Aid!” style entrance into a thread.
OP: I hate it when my hat blows away on a windy day. And bobby pins mess up my hair.
Monty: Just last week, a man in Beaver Lick, Kentucky got a bobby pin stuck in his eye when the hat blew off the head of the woman in front of him. She didn’t have it duct-taped to her head at all. He’s blind now.
OP: Monty, I think that’s a bit of an over-reaction.
Monty: Fuck you! I wasn’t talking about you! Fuck you! Stupid!
others: Wow, that’s a bit rude, don’t you think?
Monty: It’s her fault! I was just telling a story! I like stories! Fuck you!
[sub]The previous was a dramatization, and may not have happened.[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/43 "2002-10-21T17:37:18Z")
Well, it _is_ a big problem you know. Not long ago I stumbled home drunk, and what with my leaving the door unlocked and still having plenty of beer I was able to rush inside and rape myself toot-sweet.
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### Author:  [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/44 "2002-10-21T19:10:14Z")
Yet again, Lamia, you miss a couple of points. A dorm room is not the safe, cuddly, little nest. “Drop dead” is a euphemism, not an actual wish.
Since you don’t care about your own safety, neither do I.
& I certainly won’t apologize to a moron (you) for your moronic behaviour.
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### Author:  [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/45 "2002-10-21T19:12:15Z")
Giraffe: You fiction is lame.
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### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/46 "2002-10-21T19:23:57Z")
Lame perhaps, but it’s a pretty good analogy.
A girl in my building sophomore year had a pretty good solution. When she didn’t want to be bothered, she simply left a sign on her door that said **MASTURBATING**. Somehow it even kept the guys out, too.
With respect to locking your door, I went to college in New York City. The idea of an unlocked door is enough to make me queasy.
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/47 "2002-10-21T19:33:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Monty \*
> \*\*Yet again, Lamia, you miss a couple of points. A dorm room is not the safe, cuddly, little nest.
> \*\*
Mine is. It’s my room, this is the second year I’ve lived in it, and I think I know a little more about it than you do.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> “Drop dead” is a euphemism, not an actual wish.
> \*\*
I don’t believe that I, or anyone, have suggested otherwise. It’s still a rude thing to say, though.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> Since you don’t care about your own safety, neither do I.
> \*\*
My safety precautions are more than adequate for my situation, but regardless of that fact I do not and never have asked you to trouble yourself about it.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> & I certainly won’t apologize to a moron (you) for your moronic behaviour. \*\*
A decent and reasonable person should always apologize for their own behavior when that behavior has been unneccesarily rude, as yours has been. I don’t actually expect you to do this, as your bizarre insults and apparent strange misplaced anger towards me (someone who has never done you harm, who has not even insulted you here where it might be expected of me) would indicate that you are not a decent or reasonable person, although I would be pleasantly surprised to be proven wrong on that point.
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### Author:  [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/48 "2002-10-21T19:43:29Z")
Lamia, if I may offer a bit of advice. The lovely world of the SDMB is a lot better when you learn to ignore the occasional rude bastard.
Monty is one of these, and I’ve come to discover that even watching people pit him is less than entertaining because he is an unrepantant jackass who is neither creative nor crazy enough to be any fun whatsoever. I’m quite pleased to only be exposed to him virtually, where I can skip over anything I happen to see he’s written.
As for your little problem, that blows. Of the few Pit rants I have authored, two of them have been about dorm living. I can’t imagine going back for my senior year. Even so, my rants were about people throwing up all over the bathroom floor and throwing loud parties during midterms. These clueless children managed to understand the idea of a closed door with no answer.
And there are very few places where I would consider locking a door in a room that I was awake, and inhabiting. All of them include rampant gunfire in the streets. (When I was in the dorms I didn’t lock my door at all, and my campus sounds far less safe than yours. This may not have been the greatest decision, but it allowed my friends to give me presents while I was gone. I liked being able to come home to surprise flowers on my computer.)
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/49 "2002-10-21T19:43:29Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Maeglin \*
> \*\*
> With respect to locking your door, I went to college in New York City. The idea of an unlocked door is enough to make me queasy. \*\*
One of the few (_very_ few) advantages to living in this grim, conservative, backwater area is that there is no reason to keep your door locked when you’re in your own room during the day.
New students from New York City do sometimes get that queasy feeling, but for different reasons…
“What do you mean there isn’t a Starbucks here?”
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/50 "2002-10-21T20:01:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Medea’s Child \*
> \*\*
> Lamia, if I may offer a bit of advice. The lovely world of the SDMB is a lot better when you learn to ignore the occasional rude bastard.
> \*\*
Thanks. 🙂 I try, really I do, but sometimes…
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> As for your little problem, that blows. Of the few Pit rants I have authored, two of them have been about dorm living. I can’t imagine going back for my senior year. Even so, my rants were about people throwing up all over the bathroom floor and throwing loud parties during midterms. These clueless children managed to understand the idea of a closed door with no answer.
> \*\*
Last year my hallmates and I briefly had a problem with girls from the floor above us, who had decided that it would be a good idea to use _our_ bathroom for their drunken vomiting. This kept _their_ bathroom nice and tidy all weekend. But even those girls didn’t try to burst into my room. As bad as that situation was, I think it bothers me more to have my private space invaded. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s the difference between dealing with annoying drunks on the street and dealing with an annoying neighbor who lets herself into your house.
UPDATE: I haven’t seen any sign of the Great Barger-Iner since Friday, so I’m hoping that maybe she got the hint and is avoiding me out of shame.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/51 "2002-10-21T20:03:45Z")
Yeah I go to school in NYC, so I try to lock my door whenever I go out.
Sigh, so I guess I can’t harbor illusions that you and I go to the same school, **Lamia** , though a few nights ago, I could have sworn someone in the lobby said something about meeting Lamia…Well I must have misheard, or maybe there’s a different lamia at my school.
I do tend to think of our dorm as a cute, soft, little nest. We actually made cupcakes yesterday night. Adorable. And there isn’t a lot of wild partying…so while it isn’t perfect, it is pretty good.
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [October 21, 2002, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/52 "2002-10-21T23:17:11Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Monty \*
> \*\*Giraffe: You fiction is lame. \*\*
That’s too bad. I had a great story all ready to go about you riding a bicycle with no seat. Guess I’ll have to turn it into a children’s book or something. (The illustrations really do bring the story to life.)
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### Author:  [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)
#### Post date: [October 22, 2002, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/53 "2002-10-22T07:43:09Z")
Well, what **does** have to happen before you guys start locking your doors?
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### Author:  [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)
#### Post date: [October 22, 2002, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/54 "2002-10-22T12:03:39Z")
… [sigh]
Ok, this is so very tiresome. She _does lock her fucking door_.
As she said, she just does’t feel the need to lock it in the middle of the day when she is there. Kinda makes sense what with the exterior security and all.
I don’t usually lock the door to my house until I go to bed at night … friends are allowed to stop by whenever, but when I go to bed I lock the door because I’m paranoid.
**Lamia** , I don’t give a good Goddamm if you lock your fucking door or not, but I understand you wanted to complain about the dumb, rude shit who was pestering you.
To others …
She being a senior in college, I somehow think she realizes she can lock the fucking door if she wants too, and she really doesn’t need “advice.”
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 22, 2002, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/55 "2002-10-22T14:45:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \*
> \*\*Well, what **does** have to happen before you guys start locking your doors? \*\*
I can’t imagine. No, I really can’t. I’m wracking my brain trying to think of some threat that is both so dire that I (a fully grown adult woman, in her own room, in broad daylight, with 13 other young women within easy shouting distance) would be unable to handle it, yet so feeble that it could be held off by my rather flimsy door, and I’m not coming up with anything. Please, let me know what threat made you decide that you needed to keep a locked door between yourself and the rest of the world at all times.
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### Author:  [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)
#### Post date: [October 22, 2002, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/56 "2002-10-22T15:29:47Z")
I already shared mine. Rampant gunfire in the streets.
My dorm had a security checkpoint, you couldn’t get in unless you were buzzed in by the security guard at the booth. If you didn’t live there you had to sign in. This would limit (though not eliminate) the number of violent street people that could wander in. At 2pm, playing Mummy Maze at my computer, I generally had no complusion to lock my door. (Hell, at 2am, playing Mummy Maze on my computer I didn’t lock my door either.)
Two years in the dorms and the worst thing that ever happened to me because my door was unlocked was that I got a vase full of flowers left for me on my desk. It was a calulated risk, but it works okay.
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### Author:  [@Lathe\_of\_Heaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lathe_of_Heaven)
#### Post date: [October 22, 2002, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/57 "2002-10-22T22:00:50Z")
\
About RecorderGirl:
1. Tell her to find a practice room. At my school (UC Davis), the Music Dept. had a bunch of nice soundproof ones available on a sign-up basis.
2. Tell her to make herself a homemade recorder mute. Get a little slip of paper, fold it in two (with a sharp crease–use fingernails), open it back up again just a little so it looks like a very acute V. Slip it over the labium, with one end hanging over the ramp and the other inside the head. Voila–much softer tone. Try wax paper if regular paper gets too wet.
If she refuses to do either, hit her upside the head with my compliments. 🙂
\
–nightsky
survivor of dorm life and sometime recorder player
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### Author:  [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)
#### Post date: [October 23, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/58 "2002-10-23T00:19:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Lamia \*
> \*\*
>
> I can’t imagine. No, I really can’t. I’m wracking my brain trying to think of some threat that is both so dire that I (a fully grown adult woman, in her own room, in broad daylight, with 13 other young women within easy shouting distance) would be unable to handle it, yet so feeble that it could be held off by my rather flimsy door, and I’m not coming up with anything. Please, let me know what threat made you decide that you needed to keep a locked door between yourself and the rest of the world at all times. \*\*
You’ve already stated that at least one of these 13 young women doesn’t respect a **closed** door. At my first college, I had a friend who used to buy a pack of cigarettes from me when I’d purchased a carton. One day she went into my room when I was out, took a pack and left $2, as if that made it okay. Another time, someone walked into my room late at night and demanded that I share my stash with them because they were “stressed”. Then there was the boyfriend of the girl next door, who stumbled into my room drunk on his way back from the bathroom. Interestingly, my roommate judged that **I** was in the wrong for not wearing a traditional nightgown.
Finally I wised up and started locking my door at all times. I know that doing so saved me from other difficult situations. Don’t assume that no one in your dorm could be a pilferer, or have an oafish SO.
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [October 23, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/59 "2002-10-23T00:52:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Rilchiam \*
> \*\*
> One day she went into my room when I was out, took a pack and left $2, as if that made it okay.
> \*\*
I’ve already stated, repeatedly, that I lock my door whenever I go out.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> Another time, someone walked into my room late at night and demanded that I share my stash with them because they were “stressed”.
> \*\*
I’ve already stated, repeatedly, that I lock my door at night.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> Then there was the boyfriend of the girl next door, who stumbled into my room drunk on his way back from the bathroom. Interestingly, my roommate judged that **I** was in the wrong for not wearing a traditional nightgown.
> \*\*
I’ve already stated, repeatedly, that I lock my door at night.
What I do not do is lock my door _during the day_ when I am _inside the room_, and despite several suggestions that I _should_ do this as a safety matter I have yet to be presented with a single reason _why_ it is so essential to my personal safety or the safety of my property.
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### Author:  [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)
#### Post date: [October 23, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dorm-etiquette-primer/132896/60 "2002-10-23T03:13:32Z")
Yeah, exactly…you’re not locking out people from coming in and chatting with you. Maybe at certain times. But the story about someone demanding to share a stash could have happened in daylight, too…And it’s not as if someone in the middle of the day should feel obligated to lock their doors. At night and when you’re out- that is reasonable, but the rest of the time is bordering on shut in territory.
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