# A Dumb Question About Newborns From an Obvious First-Time Parent **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 29, 2021, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425 "2021-10-29T00:25:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/21 "2021-10-29T11:49:41Z")
I played patty-cake with my granddaughter almost from the start. It was interactive, I used a silly voice, I held and moved her hands, so there was contact and activity, and she seemed to enjoy it. She’s 3 now, and I’ll still gather her in a hug and patty-cake with her. Her brother is due in 16 days, so the cycle is about to begin again. 😀 ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/22 "2021-10-29T11:55:34Z")
Been awhile, since my youngest just turned 16, but I remember the hospital after my wife gave birth to one of ours recommended swaddling the baby if he’s fussy or won’t stop crying. Swaddling consists of taking a baby blanket and wrapping the baby snugly like a burrito. For some reason this is supposed to be soothing for them. Maybe it’s a back-to-the-womb thing. I think there’s a specific way to do it right, but I’m sure there are instructions online. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/23 "2021-10-29T11:58:08Z")
I’m sorry you and your wife are dealing with so much crying. I know that’s incredibly stressful, and I hope you find some relief. The thing about babies is they’re all premature. They have to come out when they do because their heads are already so big, and women’s pelvises can’t get much wider if we’re going to keep walking upright. But they’re not really ready for the world yet. Just try to muddle through this as best you can. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/24 "2021-10-29T12:17:39Z")
Sounds more like reflux than colic, which is very common and very treatable. Don’t wait for your 6 week appointment, make one now. If it’s reflux, she’s crying because she’s hurting. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/25 "2021-10-29T13:11:11Z")
My son (now 23) cried an inordinate amount when he was very young - no cause was ever identified, but my unprovable theory is that he was bored, and crying from frustration. Taking him for walks in his Baby Bjorn helped a lot. I also used a lot of patter to go with his diaper change - I’d basically narrate the whole process in a gentle voice (“Mommy is going to change Charlie’s diaper. Charlie is lying on his back on the bed now. Mommy is unfastening the diaper and removing it. Here is a new diaper. Mommy is picking up Charlie’s legs and putting the diaper under Charlie’s bottom” etc. etc.) I’d also go through a whole talk-and-touch routine while he was lying on the bed after the change - “Here’s Charlie’s head. Mommy is patting Charlie on the head. This is Charlie’s left cheek. Mommy is stroking Charlie’s left cheek. Charlie has two cheeks. This is his right cheek. This is Charlie’s right ear. Mommy is wiggling Charlie’s right ear. This is Charlie’s left…” and so on. This was a soothing ritual for at least one of us. And done with attention to detail, it takes up a good 15 minutes or so. BTW, if all that third person chatter sounds creepy, I used to read tons of linguistics texts about childhood language development (for fun, I wasn’t trying to raise a super-baby, I just find it a fascinating topic). The books all said that pronouns (I, you) are too hard for new babies to understand, which makes sense because they aren’t consistent (I call Daddy “you” but then he calls me “you,” so which one of us is “you”?) They said babies will understand more if you avoid the ambiguity of pronouns and use names. I don’t know if that’s true, but the way I talked to him must not have hurt. He was a very early and prolific talker (I’m still waiting for him to shut up decades later 😆) You mention being isolated and that’s rough. Is there any way at all for your wife to find and start regularly meeting with moms of babies the same age? I was in an incredibly isolating situation with my newborn (we were living in Mozambique and I didn’t speak Portuguese or any of the local languages) but somehow managed to hook up with three other mothers with babies the same age - one Dutch, one British, and one German. We took turns meeting at each others’ houses. Being able to compare notes with them was a godsend. The variety of cultural perspectives on child-rearing was fun too! ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/26 "2021-10-29T13:15:03Z")
Yeah, the OP did not mention if they are using breast milk or formula. Maybe a change would ease things, but I would first check with the pediatrician. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/27 "2021-10-29T14:22:43Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > The books all said that pronouns (I, you) are too hard for new babies to understand, which makes sense because they aren’t consistent (I call Daddy “you” but then he calls me “you,” so which one of us is “you”?) They said babies will understand more if you avoid the ambiguity of pronouns and use names. I remember visiting my young nephew, and one of my kids called me “mommy”, and my nephew told the kid, that’s not mommy (pointing at me), that’s mommy (pointing at his mother.) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/28 "2021-10-29T14:24:57Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Yeah, the OP did not mention if they are using breast milk or formula. Maybe a change would ease things, but I would first check with the pediatrician. My daughter had mild colic, not as bad as the op describes. And i think she was lactose intolerant. I know that when she got old enough to talk, she complained of tummy aches all the time, and when we stopped giving her milk her stomach aches went away. Newborns can usually digest lactose, but i bet mine was never very good at that. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/29 "2021-10-29T14:29:47Z")
My son had lactose issues when he was a baby, so my wife cut out dairy while she was breastfeeding. He was also colicky, and I found if we played some white noise, it quieted him right up. (I have a distinct memory of rocking him in the dining room at 3am, with the blender going in the kitchen to soothe him. It worked.) ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/30 "2021-10-29T14:36:52Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > My son had lactose issues when he was a baby, so my wife cut out dairy while she was breastfeeding. It may have helped for other reasons, but humans make their own lactose. This thread reminded me that for one of our babies, we did have excessive spitting up problems and supplementing with soy formula rather than regular seemed to help. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/31 "2021-10-29T15:03:57Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I used to read tons of linguistics texts about childhood language development I remember my son realizing he had a sister, and pointing to her, saying her name. But if you asked whether she had a brother, he’d answer no. ---
**Author:** ![SpacemanSpiff\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@SpacemanSpiff\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpacemanSpiff_II)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/32 "2021-10-29T15:28:34Z")
Here’s what you do for kids with colic (I speak from extensive experience here). Hold them against your stomach/chest, with their backs to you. One hand under their bottom and the other arm around their stomach. Walk around while shaking/vibrating them very slightly. This works. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/33 "2021-10-29T16:15:59Z")
@Sir_T-Cups congratulations! Don’t fret…billions and billions of parents throughout history have been in the same position as you and your wife. You’ll figure it out. All babies are different, so take parental advice you receive with a grain of salt. As past experience is not necessarily an indicator of future results. I always tell new parents…it’s really really hard to accidentally kill a child. If your intent is good, then parental intuition will guide you. Once you get her sleeping through the night and you and your wife can get a good nights sleep, things will begin feel more reasonable. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![slalexan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@slalexan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slalexan)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2021, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/34 "2021-10-29T16:43:15Z")
Congrats on your new baby. First things first - You and your wife are doing a great job. You are not a bad parent because your baby cries a lot. Babies cry, it is what they do. Repeat this as often as needed. Second - The spitting up sounds a lot more like reflux to me than colic. My baby has reflux and we found that my breast milk works best for him over any formula we were able to source in the grocery store. Keeping his head elevated for a while after feeds helps reduce the spit up and keep baby a bit more comfortable. Since I’m the milk machine, I usually just make sure to hold him after feeds.We have not resorted to medicine yet because his case is pretty mild. Please call your pediatrician about the spit up and crying though. They want to help you. And when your baby is under a year old, no one is gonna complain if you need to call a lot. Third - Remember, this time is temporary. Your baby will not cry forever. This will pass. Note: There is a difference between spitting up and vomit. Vomit has force behind it, spit up does not. Vomitting tends to be less pleasant for baby while spitting up is generally not bothersome (other than getting wet). ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2021, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/35 "2021-10-30T02:09:20Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > He was also colicky, and I found if we played some white noise, it quieted him right up. (I have a distinct memory of rocking him in the dining room at 3am, with the blender going in the kitchen to soothe him. It worked.) I made a 45-minute cassette tape for my daughter of the vacuum cleaner running. Put her right to sleep! I knew someone who’d take his baby to the bowling alley to get him to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2021, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/36 "2021-10-30T02:09:51Z")
Does anyone know how to multi-quote in here? I genuinely want to do more than just blanket responses, but I don’t know how to multi-quote in the new board. Thanks for the responses/encouragement everyone! I know I know, and I think deep down my wife knows too that we’re doing the best we can with her and these hardship phases will pass. I feel like I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth a bit, but I don’t think she has colic. Her crying immediately after feedings is loud and goes on longer than we’d like, but they aren’t for three hours at a time. We signed up for an online class-type thing about babies and it’s really for babies older than her (mostly 5 months versus the one month she is) but we’ve been using a lot of their techniques and they seem to be working. We definitely have a white noise machine playing the soothing sounds of the ocean when she sleeps. It does seem to help a lot and both the Mrs. and I love the ocean so we’re all happy. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2021, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/37 "2021-10-30T02:39:33Z")
Print out this thread and put it in their baby book. It will be much enjoyed displayed at their wedding reception! My latest grandchild, baby #2, won’t sleep without his sound machine! It makes a “shhhh-shhhh-shhhh” noise. His parents have a rechargeable portable one for the times he naps not in the nursery with the machine. Heck, I travel with a sound machine to be able to sleep and I’m 71! In case you ever need it, there are several very good, free, highly customizable sound machine/white noise apps for iPhones. I presume Android has them too. Ocean sounds are a soothing favorite of mine too. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2021, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/38 "2021-10-30T05:06:54Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Does anyone know how to multi-quote in here? I genuinely want to do more than just blanket responses, but I don’t know how to multi-quote in the new board. Highlight the text you want to quote and it show up in the reply box below. You can add your comments BELOW the end quote line (it won’t let you have anything on the same line as the end quote tag. Then go and highlight some more text from anywhere. > [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > I feel like I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth a bit, but I don’t think she has colic. Like this. It can also be from another post, and you are multiquoting. I hope it all works out! My son went though a period where having him in a child seat on my bicycle would let him sleep. We did laps and laps and laps at 4:00 am around a nearby park. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2021, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/39 "2021-10-30T10:02:41Z")
> [@slalexan](#): > > First things first - You and your wife are doing a great job. You are not a bad parent because your baby cries a lot. Babies cry, it is what they do. Repeat this as often as needed. Take some time to remember this, the fact that you are worrying about it puts you ahead of the majority of all parents in history. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > You’ll figure it out. All babies are different, so take parental advice you receive with a grain of salt. As past experience is not necessarily an indicator of future results. > > I always tell new parents…it’s really really hard to accidentally kill a child. This bears repeating as well. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Once you get her sleeping through the night and you and your wife can get a good nights sleep, things will begin feel more reasonable. Good luck. This will happen! Once you had a couple of good nights you’ll wonder what the fuss was all about. Just remember that if the baby is awake, that doesn’t mean both of you must be to. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2021, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425/40 "2021-10-31T03:55:54Z")
I recall my then 4 week old niece liked laying on her belly across my thighs. Well, she didn’t fuss about it. Keep in mind, your daughter doesn’t understand English. It doesn’t matter WHAT you say to her as long as you say it in a gentle tone and soft volume. I recall telling a different infant of that age “You act like such a baby. Grow up and act your age”. “What kind of surgeon are you going to be if you drop your binky in your patient’s chest cavity in the middle of a heart transplant?”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-dumb-question-about-newborns-from-an-obvious-first-time-parent/953425.md?page=3)