# A Facebook friend expresses a bigoted opinion. You... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 17, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039 "2011-08-17T15:58:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gallan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee59a6/32.png) [@gallan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/21 "2011-08-17T17:15:43Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I don’t have any friends who would write bigoted nonsense, and if they ever did, it would feel like a slap in the face and I would definitely talk to the person about it, and not on Facebook. It would be enormously disappointing to find out someone I’m friends with is a bigot, and would warrant a conversation. I haven’t read all of the comments, but this is exactly how I feel. I don’t friend anybody on Facebook unless I’m actually close to them in real life. And if any of my real-life close friends expressed a bigoted opinion, I would feel a bit betrayed, actually, and definitely call them on it. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/22 "2011-08-17T17:29:50Z")
I was de-friended by an old college friend, and called racist, bigoted, and a host of other unsavory terms, for expressing my concerns about the Obama health care plan. Another old college friend threatened to de-friend me over my opinion of anthropogenic global warming. Rather weird things to get in a tizzy about, if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![smaje1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@smaje1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smaje1)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/23 "2011-08-17T17:32:06Z")
> [@MostlyClueless](#): > > Which is why I think facebook needs a ‘thumbs down’ button. I “Like” this sentiment! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/24 "2011-08-17T17:48:55Z")
**Vinyl Turnip** licks this. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/25 "2011-08-17T18:10:46Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Question: Honestly with no snideness intended, but do y’all just friend anybody who asks, or are all the people on your list actual friends? Pretty much, just speaking for myself. But, my fb is pretty boring, just some random sillya$$ pictures and some vacation shots. I also get deleted a lot, I guess when they see that. . . I’m pretty boring. But I do draw the line with these supermodel-looking friend requests with Eastern European looking names. But to answer the OP, I would not likely defriend anyone who posted obviously offensive stuff. I’d be more likely to just hide them and watch the flameout–but that hasn’t happened. I did have a niece hidden for a while, but not because of offensive stuff–[her writing skills](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570136) were just so deplorable I found them embarrassing. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/26 "2011-08-17T18:27:21Z")
Sometimes I’ll just defriend, sometimes I’ll post a comment first and explain why I’m defriending. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/27 "2011-08-17T19:05:56Z")
I haven’t had to deal with totally ‘out’ bigoted statements on FB because mostly I’m not friends with people with those type of opinions (those who might have some - like one of my bosses - are smart enough to keep them under wraps), but have seen plenty of borderline/inappropriate ones. I almost always reply a] with a cutting remark or two, or b] simply with one or two words labeling the post as inappropriate - ie ‘racist’, ‘unkind’, ‘body shaming’ etc. Usually the original poster gets REALLY upset when I make this kind of negative comment on their inappropriate post. Sometimes they even apologize. There is a part of me that loves this sort of confrontation… I’m also the bitch that lectures men I don’t know for what they say and do to women in public. People get away with far too much because no one wants to call them on it. A lot of people are born clueless and/or not raised right - I consider it a public service to teach them what is acceptable public behavior. I don’t really defriend people. However if the n-word popped up in my news feed, that would be a rant and a half and a subsequent de-friending. Also if someone started spamming really negative shit about Obama or ‘the gays’ or something. But my FB friends are mostly pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/28 "2011-08-17T19:32:54Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Because I don’t want to give even tacit approval to hateful bigotry. > > To be clear, I’m not talking about differing political opinions or whatever. Most of that stuff I just let go without commentary. But making racist jokes or expressing that you think gay people are destroying American society or whatever, is a different level for me. This. Political differences I can handle (and would actually say my favorite thing about Facebook is civil political conversations with differing viewpoints), but I don’t do bigotry. It’s not worth being that angry all the time, and you can’t reason with these kinds of attitudes. I just defriend. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/29 "2011-08-17T19:39:00Z")
Oh, it’s on. My Facebook group will often get into some really deep political or philosophical discussions. I would respond with something terse and fact-based, and then the rest would pile on. I would greatly enjoy it for a few days. But if I didn’t see a serious back-down - like enough to make me think s/he’d had a change of heart, I’d defriend in every sense of the word. Life is too short to hang out with jerks. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/30 "2011-08-17T19:39:44Z")
I defriended someone who joined a group called: **This is England, not Poland, so fuck off** I refrain from political debate on Facebook though, unless I’m making a ‘smart’ comment. An old friend of the family posted the most bigoted thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and after I’d calmed down - which took a week and several deleted emails to him - I just hid his posts. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/31 "2011-08-17T19:43:49Z")
I have some high school “friends” who occasionally post stuff I strongly disagree with. I usually just ignore it- these aren’t people I interact with in “real” life, and nothing I say on Facebook is going to change whatever wacky cultural milieu they are in that makes them say this stuff. I just keep them as “friends” out of idle curiosity about their lives. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/32 "2011-08-17T19:53:30Z")
Yeah, the offensive posts are usually from people I went to high school with and who found me on FB. If you haven’t heard from me since 1985, take the hint, I don’t really need to what you think of our president’s lineage. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/33 "2011-08-17T20:13:57Z")
> [@jali](#): > > My post with the explanation would be for any of my friends who might have seen the bigoted post while visiting my page. Are you saying that friends come and post bigoted comments directly as a comment on your wall to you specifically? Or are they are posting comments on their own wall that show up in your news feed because they are friends with you? If the former, seems odd that someone would post a random bigoted comment to you specifically unless you two had already started a conversation about the topic. If its the latter, then all of your other friends won’t see the bigoted comment unless they are friends with the bigoted poster as well, and such an explanatory post by you is unnecessary. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/34 "2011-08-17T20:36:17Z")
I was friended a few years ago by a local politician - state congresswoman. We knew some of the same people. She’s now the state House Majority Leader or something and is frequently posting stuff that makes me angry - anti-Obama rehtoric or anti-union stuff or just political spin that is completely misleading. I call her out on it all the time. I’m usually shouted down by her fans but i can’t believe she hasn’t un-friended me yet :). ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/35 "2011-08-17T20:54:24Z")
My Nephew put something on his FB that offended me, but It was a stupid kid thing ( Using Gay as a pejorative term) I said something about it, and he came back with a smartass remark, I deleted the post, told him if I head him talking like that again, I would remove him from my facebook, and put a bug in his mother’s ear about the whole thing. He hasn’t made any more remarks like that. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/36 "2011-08-17T23:25:34Z")
I have recently been pondering whether to post something like, “If you don’t support Gay Marriage and full civil rights, please unfriend me, or let me know so I can unfriend you.” However, I have been convinced by my better half that if they stay quiet about it, I should not force the issue. What say you all? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/37 "2011-08-17T23:28:35Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > I have recently been pondering whether to post something like, “If you don’t support Gay Marriage and full civil rights, please unfriend me, or let me know so I can unfriend you.” However, I have been convinced by my better half that if they stay quiet about it, I should not force the issue. > > What say you all? I posted something similar a few months ago, but in my case I basically said that I support gay rights, it’s a very important issue to me, and I am warning people that if they want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’ll be defriending them. I guess my mom’s boyfriend didn’t get the message. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/38 "2011-08-17T23:39:07Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I posted something similar a few months ago, but in my case I basically said that I support gay rights, it’s a very important issue to me, and I am warning people that if they want to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’ll be defriending them. I guess my mom’s boyfriend didn’t get the message. Too much drama for my tastes. I’ve only defriended one friend (and many dozens of people that I stupidly friended for Mafia Wars back when I first started FBing). She works for some moron natural food company that freaks out about vaccines and shit. When I argued with some of her posts about how magnets or fuckever was better than the mega-flu-shot corporate scam, her friends started accusing me of being a stooge for the medical industry. BAM! Too much drama! So she went away, being only a high school friend anyway and not a close one at that. She wrote me a plaintive email apologizing for her friend’s exuberance and asking for an explanation or a second chance or something. I thought of writing back, but too much drama, too little time in life. What’s the percentage? She’s gone gone gone. On the flip side, I was close friends with someone for about a decade, until she had a drama falling out with some local people and moved away suddenly and cut off all ties. I’ve sent her two friend requests on FB, which have been ignored. Part of me wants to pursue it, but my smarter part of my brain says, Drama alert! and lets it go. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/39 "2011-08-17T23:53:23Z")
One of my boyfriend’s friends from high school keeps posting very over-the-top bigoted things on facebook. It has become a form of entertainment for us to make fun of the crazy and dumb things he posts. For obvious reasons, my bf has no interest in interacting with him ever again, so he keeps the guy on his friend list friend purely so we can watch his posts and make fun of him. We never comment on the posts of course. He’s an idiot and nobody takes him seriously, so there would be no sense in arguing about it. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039/40 "2011-08-18T00:16:17Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > My general policy on Facebook bigotry is to simply instantly defriend the person because I don’t want to see that stuff in my feed. Now I’m wondering whether, from a moral/philosophical standpoint, it wouldn’t be better to leave those people in my friends list and simply publicly challenge them any time they make such commentary, as a way of saying, “hey, your opinions aren’t shared by everybody.” How do you analogize FB friends with people you see in person? I mean, they’re not just random strangers in crowds. They’re, if not _friends_, at least some class of acquaintance, right? And _defriending_ is–what? Just like avoiding someone in real life, right? So if an acquaintance made these remarks in your actual presence, what would you do? Say nothing, and then just avoid them thereafter? It sounds to me like that wouldn’t be sufficient. I say let 'em know what you think, one time good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-facebook-friend-expresses-a-bigoted-opinion-you/593039.md?page=3)