# A Few Football/Soccer Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 31, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423 "2004-08-31T15:10:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/1 "2004-08-31T15:10:54Z")
1. I fucking hate the defensive play where the defender let’s the ball run out of the endline by shielding it with his body so the attacking player can’t get it. I fucking hate it because it seems like the definition of obstruction, the defender is NOT playing the ball, and I hate it because the offensive player is often called for a foul because he has to mug the guy to get to the ball. 2. When a player commits a foul and picks up the ball and holds it? Yellow card his ass. I was watching the Bolton-Fulham match yesterday and on eplayer committed a handball, grabbed the ball and held it. The FUlham player goes to retrieve it and practically had to tackle the guyy to get it. Who gets the card? The Fulham player. Freaking ridiculous. I know why they do it, cuz they want to argue with the ref on their time and delay the free kick. Fuck that shit, as we say so eloquently here in the states, there is no reason to to pick up the ball. Leave it the fuck alone. 3. Memo to defenders: Quit ethrowing your hand up in the air to alert the world to your belief it is offisdes. Just play defense and let the lineman make the call…kay? 4. Also, anyone asking the ref to give a card to another player, especially if they use a hand wavey mimed card, is to be given a card. Let the goddamn officials call the game! 5. Please make the players throw te ball in somewhere resembling where it went out. I am not asking for an exact spot, but I would think within ten yards is reasonable, donch’a think? 6. Fuck Man U! ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/2 "2004-08-31T15:31:36Z")
You vastly overestimate the intelligence of the average professional footballer. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/3 "2004-08-31T15:51:07Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > You vastly overestimate the intelligence of the average professional footballer. Probably true…and I don’t rate them very high at all. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/4 "2004-08-31T15:51:34Z")
I agree with everything except the offside thing. Remeber that the referree can overrule the linesman, and a well syncronised step forward, armraise, and “Ref!” can often fool a referee into blowing up. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/5 "2004-08-31T15:59:40Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > 1. I fucking hate the defensive play where the defender let’s the ball run out of the endline by shielding it with his body so the attacking player can’t get it… Then you want to see the clip of Danny Mills trying this on Thierry Henry. Henry, having the 12 invisible legs that he does, seemingly manages to nip round Mills, flick the ball backwards _through Mills’s legs_ and nip back round him, running off with the ball, all without appearing to do anything more tricky than blowing his nose. Mills is just left in the corner, hands aloft as if he’s trying to claim he was fouled. It’s one of the best clips from last season. I’ll see if I can find a link, but I suspect it won’t be online. > [@](#): > > 1. Memo to defenders: Quit ethrowing your hand up in the air to alert the world to your belief it is offisdes. Just play defense and let the lineman make the call…kay? I can live with this one, particularly given the often very difficult task of spotting offsides. I’m sure it’s not why they do it, but a bunch of players sticking their hands up will make it a lot easier for the linesman to pick out the attacking player. > [@](#): > > 1. Please make the players throw te ball in somewhere resembling where it went out. I am not asking for an exact spot, but I would think within ten yards is reasonable, donch’a think? As well as this, their throw-in technique is shite. Half the throws they make I would have been called on for a foul throw in my Sunday League days. I’ve seen precisely one foul throw called in all the Premiership matches I’ve watched. > [@](#): > > 1. Fuck Man U! Nah, fuck _Chelsea_. So you can buy success. Whoop-de-fucking do. Oh alright, fuck both of them. 🙂 I’d like to add, if I may: 1. Premiership? Championship? League fucking ONE? What’s next, is the Vauxhall Conference to be called the “Particularly Special Tournament With The Name Different To The Others But Not Inferior, Oh No”? What the hell was wrong with Divisions 1, 2 and 3, hmm? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/6 "2004-08-31T16:00:49Z")
I’ll agree with all except the first one. You’d end up with one of those dodgy rules where the ref doesn’t just judge the fact but also has to guess the players intent. You know was he shielding the ball or just too far away to play it? Both forms of Rugby have rules like this and they are infuriating. Sometimes the defender appealing for offside is great, like when he misses a beat looking toward the ref and someone like Rooney puts a yard on him in a split second. Its like in cricket when batsmen are bowled letting one go. ---
**Author:** ![scule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@scule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scule)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/7 "2004-08-31T16:03:18Z")
I agree to it all. Also, anyone swarming the referee to complain should get a card. Personally, I think anytime you approach the referee to do anything but ask a politely-toned question, you should get carded. I’m sick of the abuse referees get (and I still hate them!). In one of my games this year, the whole opposing team swarmed the ref and threatened his life after a call he made. He let them finished the game, for his own safety, but afterwards we were granted the 3 points even though they ended up scoring after the resumption of play. They had 3 or 4 of their guys suspended for life from ever playing in Canada anywhere again (though I doubt it will be too hard to bypass that ruling). ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/8 "2004-08-31T16:09:27Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > 1. Fuck Man U! Man, I forgot my favourite football-related joke. What are the three English football teams with swearing in their names? Arsenal, Scunthorpe, and fucking Man United… I know, it’s rubbish. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-football-soccer-rants/262423/9 "2004-08-31T20:16:45Z")
> [@TwistofFate](#): > > …a well syncronised step forward, armraise, and “Ref!” can often fool a referee into blowing up. “Often”?? I guess defenders get encouraged by the occassions when a ref hesitates before overruling the linesman - but that doesn’t mean they’ve influenced his decision at all. The more likely outcome is that they end up crying wolf, and have their legitimate calls ignored.