# A few misconceptions about real-life Ninjas, cleared up **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 20, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467 "2004-03-20T22:43:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/161 "2004-03-25T14:32:07Z")
> [@GMRyujin](#): > > “MUSINGS OF A TEENAGE NINJA” > … > DUMB JOCK: What, you scared? C’mon, gimme all ya got! > NINJACHICK: Fine. > She strikes an elaborate, cool-looking martial arts pose, and then punches him in the chest. Nothing happens for a second. > DUMB JOCK: What, is that it? > DUMB JOCK explodes backwards, smashing through walls, leaving Dumb Jock outlines as he goes. He finally lands four rooms away. > REAL KARATE MASTER leaps out of his seat. He talks like he’s badly dubbed… No, no, no… DUMB JOCK explodes… IMPRESSED JOCK decides to befriend this dangerous loner. IMPRESSED JOCK: Where’dja learn to do that? NINJA CHICK: Beat it. NINJA CHICK begins to walk away. IMPRESSED JOCK grabs her by the elbow. IMPRESSED JOCK: C’mon, don’t be like that. NINJA CHICK _batting IMPRESSED JOCK’s hand away_: Look, it’s better if you don’t know. So just back off. IMPRESSED JOCK: What’s it going to hurt? Where’d you learn ninjitsu like that? NINJA CHICK _shouting_: On the street! Okay?! I learned my ninjitsu on the street! I’m a Street Ninja! _cue dramatic plot-point music_ ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/162 "2004-03-25T15:21:55Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > 3c. Yes, there are different degrees. I’m a first degree. This is too complicated for you. God, I hate it when people do this. Look. I’m a smart girl. It’s not too complicated for me. If I’m asking you all these questions, it means I want to know more about the art, and I’d like to enlighten myself. Saying “It’s too complicated for you” means either you’re snooty about it, or you don’t understand it enough to explain. > [@](#): > > 1. Yes, we do yell. In TKD, we call it a kiyap. To summon the ancient and mystical Powers of the Ninja Stone. Actually, it tightens your abs so getting hit/thrown hurts less, and other reasons that you don’t understand. See comment above. > [@](#): > > 1. Yes, I can kick over my head. Especially if I jump. > 12a. Yes, I could sweep you or throw you right now. But I’m not very good at it, so you’d probably get seriously hurt, so no, I won’t do it. > 12b. No. I don’t know any ‘kung fu grips’ or ‘karate chops’. Really, there’s NO SUCH THING. And also, I still don’t know kung fu, nor am I a karate kid. Shut up. I think you’re confusing “kung fu grip” with “Vulcan nerve pinch” Common mistake. 🙂 > [@](#): > > 1. Yes, that page full of little stick figures is a stick figure going through the moves of one of our patterns. It’s more interesting than biology, okay? You should pay attention in Biology. If you don’t, you may regret it later. (I know I did.) > [@](#): > > 1. One last time: _ **IT IS NOT KUNG FU. IT IS NOT KARATE.** _. > 17a. Watching Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Jet Li, etc, does not mean you know anything about martial arts. At all. I’m actually a Sammo Hung fan, he’s adorable! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/163 "2004-03-25T16:02:35Z")
> [@Stephi](#): > > I’m actually a Sammo Hung fan, he’s adorable! 😃 I prefer Sammo Adorable. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/164 "2004-03-25T18:18:14Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > I prefer Sammo Adorable. That’s surprising, coming from you, King Cockblaster. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/165 "2004-03-25T20:10:45Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > 1. Yes, I really _am_ sore. I spent the better part of an hour doing things that hurt last night. Seen on a martial arts humor page: > [@](#): > > **Dojo** , _n._ Much like a bondage parlor, only without the mistress. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/166 "2004-03-25T20:51:47Z")
> [@Stephi](#): > > God, I hate it when people do this. Look. I’m a smart girl. It’s not too complicated for me. If I’m asking you all these questions, it means I want to know more about the art, and I’d like to enlighten myself. Saying “It’s too complicated for you” means either you’re snooty about it, or you don’t understand it enough to explain. Actually, if I may be so brash as to put on NinjaChick’s hat for a moment, I believe the conversation would go something like this: _Please note, 18 questions, all of varying degrees of idiocy, including the same questions worded slightly differently, have preceeded this exchange._ **Random High School Boy** : “So, you’re like, a black belt?” **NinjaChick** : “A first degree black belt, yes.” **R.H.S.B.** now has the exact expression a chicken adopts when watching a card trick. **R.H.S.B.** : “_First_ degree black belt? Like, what does that mean?” _Cue ominous music; see aforementioned script treatment for likely results._ **Stephi** , as an intelligent person, you would most likely avoid the cliche questions, and be answered in an honest and appreciative way. I would also note that if **NinjaChick** is in any way a **HotNinjaChick** , her odds of scintillating conversation with her 17 year old male peers is drastically reduced. NinjaChick, if I’ve overstepped my bounds, please feel free to tell me to fuck off. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/167 "2004-03-25T21:25:45Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > She _plays a Stratocaster too?_ What a dumb question! She’s a ninja, isn’t she? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/168 "2004-03-25T21:33:57Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > What a dumb question! She’s a ninja, isn’t she? :rolleyes: Well, I have a Strat and a Black Beauty. If she doesn’t, I get a cameo playing the opening song! ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/169 "2004-03-25T21:35:03Z")
> [@](#): > > NinjaChick: “A first degree black belt, yes.” Isn’t that a Van Morrison song? _She is a Ninja, of the first degree…_ ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/170 "2004-03-25T21:43:16Z")
Hang on for a second… so right here in this thread we have a **Teenage Ninja**. And what with various environmental problems and two-headed frogs and so forth, it seems quite likely that somewhere in the world right now is a **Mutant Turtle**. We’re almost there! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/171 "2004-03-25T21:47:07Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > I would also note that if **NinjaChick** is in any way a **HotNinjaChick** , her odds of scintillating conversation with her 17 year old male peers is drastically reduced. I get it now! **Ninjachick** is seventeen. Could it be that she’s too young and clueless to figure out that when guys ask her dumb questions _it’s because they want to date her_ and are trying to make conversation in the pathetic way most guys make conversation? > [@](#): > > NinjaChick, if I’ve overstepped my bounds, please feel free to tell me to fuck off. 😃 In a thread where **pravnik** announces a desire to be renamed \*\* King Cockblaster\*\* you think there are bounds left to cross? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/172 "2004-03-25T21:56:09Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Could it be that she’s too young and clueless to figure out that when guys ask her dumb questions _it’s because they want to date her_ Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Step right over here and select your prize! ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/173 "2004-03-25T22:05:01Z")
Hee! May I just say, I love these boards? Though, regrettably, I must correct a few errors: _shameful sigh_ It’s not a guitar, actually. It’s a violin. Also, I am in no way a HotNinjaChick. More accurate would be something along the lines of ShortAndStubbyNinjaChick. Also…Ew. I greatly hope that they _don’t_ want to date me. And if they did, wouldn’t they realize that, perhaps, it would be better to not act like Stupid Buffoons? _crickets chirp_ Damn. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/174 "2004-03-25T22:11:20Z")
yeah, god, what could possibly be worse than people wanting to date you? Sounds like fucking torture. And to try and get to know you by asking questions, that really IS beyond the pale. You sound like a bundle of sunshine. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/175 "2004-03-25T22:12:28Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Also…Ew. I greatly hope that they _don’t_ want to date me. And if they did, wouldn’t they realize that, perhaps, it would be better to not act like Stupid Buffoons?. OMG us men have been getting it wrong for centuries, you mean we aren’t supposed to act like Stupid Buffoons if we want a date :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/176 "2004-03-25T22:32:17Z")
> [@](#): > > I get it now! Ninjachick is seventeen. Could it be that she’s too young and clueless to figure out that when guys ask her dumb questions it’s because they want to date her and are trying to make conversation in the pathetic way most guys make conversation? Yeah? Well, they can just _step off!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/177 "2004-03-25T22:54:50Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Hee! May I just say, I love these boards? Though, regrettably, I must correct a few errors: > _shameful sigh_ It’s not a guitar, actually. It’s a violin. > Also, I am in no way a HotNinjaChick. More accurate would be something along the lines of ShortAndStubbyNinjaChick. > Also…Ew. I greatly hope that they _don’t_ want to date me. And if they did, wouldn’t they realize that, perhaps, it would be better to not act like Stupid Buffoons? Hey, we’ll get you one of those nifty electric violins that I vaguely remember possibly seeing (or am just making up), slap some distortion on it, and remix The Devil Went Down to Georgia as The Ninja Went Down To School. All the kids love remixes, right? And lemme spill one of the great Guy Secrets: If we’re acting like Stupid Buffoons, we are trying desperately to get your attention. It’s just one of those things we do. ---
**Author:** ![Erroneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71c47a/32.png) [@Erroneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erroneous)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/178 "2004-03-25T23:31:34Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > Additionally, I (at the time I earned my BB) trained at a WTF school. What happens when you graduate from a WTF school? Do you get to go to an OMFG college? 🙂 Oh, and my cockblaster master says that I will soon be a King. Right now I’m just a Duke cockblaster. Sometimes when I walk into classes, I accidentally blast my cock. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/179 "2004-03-26T01:01:17Z")
> [@Erroneous](#): > > Oh, and my cockblaster master says that I will soon be a King. Right now I’m just a Duke cockblaster. Sometimes when I walk into classes, I accidentally blast my cock. Technically, Grasshopper, you are a Baron Wangsmacker. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467/180 "2004-03-26T01:09:42Z")
> [@Erroneous](#): > > Sometimes when I walk into classes, I accidentally blast my cock. Well if you’d use your holster, instead of just shoving your pistol into the waistband of your pants, you wouldn’t have this problem. NinjaChick said, a couple pages back: > [@](#): > > My main problem, really, is people treat it as an amusement, not something to take seriously. I feel the same way about my music. A lot of people think that, when I’m performing with my band, I’m out “partying”. I don’t think so. Sure, it’s fun, but it’s also a lot of work. And it’s easy? Hah! Why don’t y’all step up to the microphone and sing your head off for four and a half hours, in a room full of cigarette smoke, and sound as good at 1:30AM as you did at 9:00PM. I wanna see you do it, Karaoke Boy. Really. Show me how easy it is. Oh, and I don’t play bass because I can’t play guitar. I play bass _because I love the bass_, fool. It’s also longer and heavier than a guitar, and thus makes a much bigger dent in the side of your head when I get pissed and swing it at you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-few-misconceptions-about-real-life-ninjas-cleared-up/235467.md?page=10)