# A friend disappears **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 26, 2011, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126 "2011-08-26T02:00:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/21 "2011-08-27T16:20:11Z")
Does he have a valid passport? If so, can the police or family check to see if it has been traveled/used? ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/22 "2011-08-27T17:12:02Z")
One point about looking at the computer… Assuming that the police are not looking at it, you may want to invest in a computer forensic examiner to poke around on the PC. A person with the right tools and training can find traces of activity that a non-forensics person won’t see just by looking at the browser history and cache. And in fact, if you poke around too much, you might actually complicate the job of a forensic examiner if you ever decide to go that way. They’re not cheap, but if the cops aren’t investigating this as a crime and if you’re really worried, you might want to look into that. [Disclaimer: I am a computer forensic examiner, but I am not familiar with the laws in your area or with the facts of the situtation beyond what you’ve presented here. Consult qualified experts and legal counsel before hiring anyone to conduct an investigation.] ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/23 "2011-08-27T18:14:16Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > His dad should be able, and I would think willing, to let you into the apt to check the computer history. I would think his dad himself - or, indeed, the police - are better candidates for that task. Just to clarify to everyone - I wasn’t looking for advice on how to conduct an investigation; I think the search in the best hands it could be (his family and the police). I was just mentioning that I was concerned. That’s all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/24 "2011-08-27T18:48:13Z")
Well, I for one subscribed to the thread just because now I’m curious how things will turn out. I hope your friend turns up unharmed! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/25 "2011-08-27T19:53:21Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > I wasn’t looking for advice on how to conduct an investigation 🙂 It is, of course, human nature to try and help. 🙂 I will make positive waves. ---
**Author:** ![AndyLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@AndyLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyLee)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/26 "2011-08-27T20:00:25Z")
You can alway hire a PI but they ain’t cheap Are you familiar with a [fugue state](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugue_state)? The one thing I was thinking is this guy had enough money to live independently. Maybe he didn’t have as much as you think. He could’ve had gambling debts or a drug problem and it got out of hand and he left. What’s gonig to happen at the end of this month when the rent is due. Reminds me of a story about a guy in Winnepeg that was dead in his apartment for six months before anyone found him. He paid his rent out of his bank account directly to his landlord. And when that stopped, the landlord looked and found him. This sort of reminds me of a case I read about in the Chicago Tribune about two or three years ago. A woman went missing. The cops didn’t want to get involved right away. Her family was worried. After a few months the cops did get involved and traced her. She told the cops to to tell everyone she was fine and they should mind their own business. I guess that was that. It makes you wonder, I am now unemployed and I could easily go missing for a month and I really doubt anyone would notice now. I usually only talk to one of my family members maybe every other month or at holidays. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/27 "2011-08-27T20:24:48Z")
> [@AndyLee](#): > > This sort of reminds me of a case I read about in the Chicago Tribune about two or three years ago. > > A woman went missing. The cops didn’t want to get involved right away. Her family was worried. After a few months the cops did get involved and traced her. She told the cops to to tell everyone she was fine and they should mind their own business. Yep, this could be a case of a person who wants to try out a new life. A friend of mine, years ago, decided that his friends were the reason he wasn’t happy, and quite suddenly severed ties with all. It was many years before any of us heard from him again, by which time most apparently wanted nothing to do with him. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/28 "2011-08-27T20:40:46Z")
> [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](#): > > Yep, this could be a case of a person who wants to try out a new life. > > A friend of mine, years ago, decided that his friends were the reason he wasn’t happy, and quite suddenly severed ties with all. It was many years before any of us heard from him again, by which time most apparently wanted nothing to do with him. Maybe. But he does own his apartment - it’s not rented. That seems like a strange thing to abandon. I’m hoping he shows up in a couple of weeks and just went abroad or something for a break. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/29 "2011-08-27T23:20:55Z")
A few years back this guy I gamed with dropped off the face of the Earth. I still wonder what happened to him. In a short period of time he lost his job as a computer programmer (still in his first year out of school, burdened by $75k in student loans), his gf broke up with him and his car broke down. We drove by his place but there was no answer, we got his phone number, there was no answer. People in the group had a couple of hundred dollars of his books out on loans, we kinda expected he’d ask for them back, but…nada. ---
**Author:** ![freep5637](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/cdc98d/32.png) [@freep5637](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freep5637)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/30 "2011-08-28T05:48:44Z")
I have a best friend like this, he up and disappeared one day; no one knew where he was and no one heard from him for like three months. Turned out that he’d gotten it into his head that he wasn’t happy at home (living with parents after a particularly rough semester away at school his junior year) even though there was no indication that he was unhappy… he’d been acting a little ‘off’ but that was about it. He’d been living with his rents for about 6 months, had a job, gf, etc… He ended up calling me out of the blue from new orleans (we’re from the detroit, michigan area) sounding a little manic at about three am. We eventually talked him into coming home. We found out that winter that he was severely manic depressive and had basically had an extreme manic episode that found him living on the streets of NOLA. No one seemed to notice the build up of his mania because he’d lived away at school for the past three years including when school was out of session. Though in hindsight we kinda started connecting the dots, there were periods of time when his roommates would just not know where he was for short periods of time like a week or so. He’d always cover and say he’d met a girl etc. Sometimes I’d talk to him and get the sense that something wasn’t right but he wouldn’t let on. Either way it ended in an explosion where he was so manic that he wasn’t himself and was no longer able to cover for his oddness or prolonged absences… Happy to report that he’s doing well, on meds, and finishing school… so hopefully your friend has a similarly benign outcome. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/31 "2011-08-29T11:03:26Z")
The news isn’t good. His bag was found on a beach and a note was sent to his parents saying he planned to swim to a nearby island. Fearing the worst now. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/32 "2011-08-29T12:03:28Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > The news isn’t good. His bag was found on a beach and a note was sent to his parents saying he planned to swim to a nearby island. Fearing the worst now. Can you tell us where this beach is, and how far it is from where the guy lived? ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/33 "2011-08-29T13:28:51Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > Can you tell us where this beach is, and how far it is from where the guy lived? About 20-30 miles away (different town). At the moment we’re assuming he caught a train, since he has no car. It’s made the [local paper](http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/9220701.Police_plea_to_find_missing_man/) now. We’re all a bit shellshocked, and still holding out hope. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/34 "2011-08-29T14:11:48Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > The news isn’t good. His bag was found on a beach and a note was sent to his parents saying he planned to swim to a nearby island. Fearing the worst now. That sounds incredibly suspicious, like someone is trying to either fake their own death or someone else trying to cover the disappearance of your friend. Was the note handwritten? ETA: Just read the article. Suicide is a very possible reason. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/35 "2011-08-29T14:12:58Z")
He claimed he was going to make an eight-mile swim? Is he much of a swimmer? Ye gods. I hope they find him safe and sound. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/36 "2011-08-29T14:26:30Z")
If I’ve found the right [page](http://www.surf-forecast.com/breaks/Ventnor/seatemp), water temps there are 16.6 °C (62 °F) now. Without protective gear and training I fear such a venture would stand no chance of success. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/37 "2011-08-29T14:33:46Z")
I’m so sorry **Candyman74**. It’s not the kind of news you expect. ---
**Author:** ![AndyLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@AndyLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyLee)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/38 "2011-08-29T19:12:37Z")
Remember Olivia Newton-John’s ex boyfriend, the so called “Love of her life.” He disappeared for a month, she wasn’t even aware he was gone. Shows how much she was involved with him. Now the police are pretty certain Patrick McDermott is alive and living somewhere in Latin America after trying to fake his own death. It seems more like a mental disorder than a suicide. I mean you can kill yourself in so many ways, this if it is true, is a cry out for attention. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/39 "2011-08-29T23:29:08Z")
I’m very sorry, **Candyman74**. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126/40 "2011-08-30T03:55:00Z")
So sorry, **Candyman74**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-disappears/594126.md?page=3)