# A friend goes down in flames **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 24, 2011, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611 "2011-10-24T07:07:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/21 "2011-10-24T18:20:55Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > I had been friends with this guy – we will call him Kal – since about February. He made it clear to me from the beginning that he was interested in me romantically, but as I was in a relationship and Kal had only just gotten divorced,… Not that we need any more black marks on Kal’s reputation, but did he start the LTR with Amy while he was still married? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/22 "2011-10-24T18:42:34Z")
I’m confused by your title, Mississippienne. I don’t see any friends described in your OP. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/23 "2011-10-24T18:56:36Z")
Did you ever confirm Amy actually has cancer (that you’re not supposed to mention) or did you just take the liar’s word for it? ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/24 "2011-10-24T18:59:05Z")
32-year-old named “Kal” – is it possible that he’s suffering the effects of red kryptonite? ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/25 "2011-10-24T19:01:50Z")
I’ll be the voice of disagreement here. If you were Amy, wouldn’t you want to know the truth? I sure as hell would. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/26 "2011-10-24T19:57:11Z")
Quickly gonna try to answer all the questions. As to whether Kal was with Amy while he was still married: I don’t know. He was separated from his wife for about a year and a half before the divorce was final, and I assume they got together during that time period. As for whether Amy really has cancer, I addressed that in my OP. I heard her having an involved conversation with her doctor about it (to be fair to me, she began the conversation while riding in the car with me, so I could hardly have not listened in). I believe she does have cancer. As for telling her, I have considered it. However, I’m not sure she would even believe me, and I don’t want to give Kal any excuse to get angry with me. I think he will bring himself down without my help. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/27 "2011-10-24T22:59:08Z")
Wow that’s a special flavor of special that one doesn’t come across that often, or at least I’ve been lucky enough not to. Glad you managed to avoid further entanglement. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/28 "2011-10-25T13:39:47Z")
I think your presence might have sent some red flags up for Amy. I’m sure you covered your surprise (at the surprises) well, but I’m also sure her girlfriend radar was heightened a bit. I’m also almost sure (I’m making a lot of stuff up in my head ;)) that Amy was the one who did the background check. I do think you called it and saw douchenozzle for what he is. Good job getting out! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611/29 "2011-10-25T18:35:12Z")
That’s a tough call on what to do about Amy - I think you should let your guiding principle be, what’s best for _her_? It’s hard to imagine that having this piece of crap in her life is good for her, but he might be. Good for you for leaving - I wouldn’t have lied for him, and deleting him from your life is the right thing to do. What a piece of work he is. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-goes-down-in-flames/600611.md?page=1)