# A friend just told me her marriage is a mess **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2015, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784 "2015-01-02T17:23:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784/21 "2015-01-04T16:14:48Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > Kind of hard to be supportive if I’m not talking to her. I think the post you’re responding to has a misplaced quote mark. I think \*\*Dallas Jones \*\*meant: She: “Honey, do you want to know what **Twickster** said about you when we were having our problems?” He: “What a bitch! I don’t think you should talk to her anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784/22 "2015-01-04T17:13:59Z")
Ah, yeah, that does make more sense, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784/23 "2015-01-06T08:54:59Z")
That’s a lot of handle. I’m sorry for her. My father was extremely abusive to my mother and then to us kids. It didn’t start out with physical abuse, “just” emotional abuse, which escalated over time. Here’s [some information](http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/) about abuse. > [@](#): > > It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive. > > In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. > > Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners. > > If you’re beginning to feel as if your partner or a loved one’s partner is becoming abusive, there are a few behaviors that you can look out for. Watch out for these red flags and if you’re experiencing one or more of them in your relationship, call the hotline to talk about what’s going on. It goes on and gives a checklist. They have people you can talk to, and they should be better about giving advice. It’s good that they are in counseling together, but she should probably live apart while she thinks about it. Not that you can necessarily suggest that, but sometime abusers use counseling as part of the process of stringing their partner along. The more important thing is that she has individual counseling to see why she’s staying with someone abusive. I hope it goes well. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784/24 "2015-01-06T15:11:26Z")
Thanks, **ToykyoBayer** , very helpful. I’ll be seeing her Thursday for a work-related event, but we’ll be having coffee after and I hope we can talk then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-just-told-me-her-marriage-is-a-mess/708784.md?page=1)