# A friend may be getting himself into something he may not like **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 20, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591 "2012-11-20T06:41:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/101 "2012-11-21T17:06:07Z")
> [@al27052](#): > > See, here’s the thing…you and I are saying the same thing, but I’m the one that gets abused. > > It amazes me how little compassion there is for the fiance. He is clearly a dupe of the first water, and, even if he has the luck to escape this relationship situation, is almost certainly going to get into a relationship with yet another scam artist. Why? Because the dude has NO common sense when it comes to women. How much compassion can you have for someone who is freely making their own choices? If the story really is that fishy, then the guy apparently has zero common sense or street smarts. What are you going to do? Keep him in a bubble? GIve him a helmet and some kneepads? People enter bad-idea relationships all the time, and frankly there is nothing you can do to stop them. All you can do with your friends is give them one stiff warning, hope for the best, and plan to be there to comfort them when it falls apart. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/102 "2012-11-21T20:56:03Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > I don’t know. I’m relying on what Buddy has said–things like, “The tests have shown…” I haven’t asked what kind of tests. Maybe I should. > . This makes me think that he’s not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps he doesn’t know it, but it sounds more like he’s making it up as he goes along - first mentioning that tests prove it’s not his, then he was not around at the right time so tests weren’t necessary, and now you mention that the baby’s just been born and unlikely that tests could have been performed Regardless, I’d back off and not get involved. He’s a big boy and able to make his own mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/103 "2012-11-21T22:02:48Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > This makes me think that he’s not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps he doesn’t know it, but it sounds more like he’s making it up as he goes along - first mentioning that tests prove it’s not his, then he was not around at the right time so tests weren’t necessary, and now you mention that the baby’s just been born and unlikely that tests could have been performed Maybe he meant something like an ultrasound that dated the pregnancy and put conception at a time they weren’t together. Not that I don’t think it’s very likely that something ain’t right here. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/104 "2012-11-22T03:31:16Z")
Apparently I’m the only person who’s going to cringe/flinch when we find out about this wonderful situation going to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/105 "2012-11-22T07:27:31Z")
> [@Girl\_From\_Mars](#): > > Regardless, I’d back off and not get involved. He’s a big boy and able to make his own mistakes. No worries. I’m not going to get involved. Buddy can do as he pleases. This is a situation that I haven’t personally encountered before, and I wanted to get the Dopers’ reactions on it. Those I got, and I’m thankful to everyone who contributed–you managed to mention a few things that I had not thought of. I’ll admit that I am interested in the legal implications, but that’s more for my professional interest–had any Oregon lawyers contributed, I would not have advised Buddy with their information. (Any legal advice to Buddy will be of the “Consult an Oregon lawyer” variety.) At any rate, I’ll wish Buddy the best of luck; and tell him to keep in touch and to visit when he can. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/106 "2012-11-22T15:08:44Z")
> [@spoons](#): > > no worries. I’m not going to get involved. Buddy can do as he pleases. > > This is a situation that i haven’t personally encountered before, and i wanted to get the dopers’ reactions on it. Those i got, and i’m thankful to everyone who contributed–you managed to mention a few things that i had not thought of. I’ll admit that i am interested in the legal implications, but that’s more for my professional interest–had any oregon lawyers contributed, i would not have advised buddy with their information. (any legal advice to buddy will be of the “consult an oregon lawyer” variety.) > > at any rate, i’ll wish buddy the best of luck; and tell him to keep in touch and to visit when he can. tell him to run!! ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/107 "2012-11-22T15:25:59Z")
> [@al27052](#): > > tell him to run!! As you evolve through various family, friend and professional relationships, you’ll see life comes down to being right and alone or being kind and supported by those you care about in a life made richer by those around you. You may not like it but that is human nature. Most people don’t have the money or charisma it takes to keep true friends and loving family while being an honest, tell-it-like-it-is asshole like I’m being right now. If you like, you can commission that embroidered on a pillow from Etsy. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/108 "2012-11-22T15:50:47Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > As you evolve through various family, friend and professional relationships, you’ll see life comes down to being right and alone or being kind and supported by those you care about in a life made richer by those around you. You may not like it but that is human nature. > Most people don’t have the money or charisma it takes to keep true friends and loving family while being an honest, tell-it-like-it-is asshole like I’m being right now. If you like, you can commission that embroidered on a pillow from Etsy. I agree with what you’re saying. I have maybe 2 male friends in my life who, were they about to get screwed over like this, I would tell to “run, baby, run!”. The only other people I would be that honest with would have to be people who seemed to sincerely want my opinion on the subject, and who seemed like they’d be able to take it without hating me, I think. But yeah, I do have 2 friends who I’d be this honest with. So there’s that. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591/109 "2012-11-22T16:29:47Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > No worries. I’m not going to get involved. Buddy can do as he pleases. > > This is a situation that I haven’t personally encountered before, and I wanted to get the Dopers’ reactions on it. Those I got, and I’m thankful to everyone who contributed–you managed to mention a few things that I had not thought of. I’ll admit that I am interested in the legal implications, but that’s more for my professional interest–had any Oregon lawyers contributed, I would not have advised Buddy with their information. (Any legal advice to Buddy will be of the “Consult an Oregon lawyer” variety.) > > At any rate, I’ll wish Buddy the best of luck; and tell him to keep in touch and to visit when he can. Unfortunately, that’s probably the best you can do. He’s gotta touch the hot stove for himself, apparently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-may-be-getting-himself-into-something-he-may-not-like/641591.md?page=5)