# A friend of mine would like to know why he shouldn't commit suicide **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 6, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701 "2014-09-06T22:08:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/21 "2014-09-06T23:06:35Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > he doesn’t want to get locked up. If the choice is locked up or dying, the latter is what he would choose. > > He does want help. He doesn’t want help if getting locked up is a necessary prerequisite of getting help. What is so fucking difficult about understanding that? I do understand it. That’s why I posted two other options that do not involved being involuntarily put on a hold. I don’t know why you’re being so hostile to me and others. You got concrete answers plus some additional perspective from folks who’ve been in your shoes. Use what info you can and ignore the rest. ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/22 "2014-09-06T23:12:03Z")
There is a checklist that doctors or therapists go through to determine if someone is a danger to himself or others. I won’t list them since your friend could merely hold that key information back. But it’s a pretty high standard. In fact it’s damn hard to have someone committed against their will. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/23 "2014-09-06T23:17:23Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > Starting to get the distinct impression that our OP is ‘asking for a friend’ in the more euphemistic sense. > > Regardless, if ANYONE wishes to talk to someone about their suicidal thoughts and **NOT** GET LOCKED UP for it, the US national hotline is 1-800-273-8255. It is a CONFIDENTIAL and ANONYMOUS call. They will not press for details if you don’t wish to give them. > > They can offer advice, sympathy, and trained theraputic help, and if you WANT TO, they can help you find local physical sources of help. > > Good luck. Actually, they will (based on my limited experience with a suicidal friend who killed himself) get pretty pushy for details. At least they did in my case, in Michigan, about two and a half years ago. When I told them I was calling for a friend in crisis, they did nothing but push me to call 911 with details. I didn’t, not right away. In hindsight I wish I had, but he killed himself right after hanging up the phone. It was awful and pointless and it still hurts, for him, for everyone he knew. I could not ever give advice to someone to let a friend commit suicide without fighting hard before all else. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/24 "2014-09-06T23:19:16Z")
It sounds like the fear of “being locked up” is short-circuiting everything. Call the national hotline. They are in the best position to put your friend (or “friend”—doesn’t matter) in touch with the resources he needs to make an informed decision. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/25 "2014-09-06T23:22:20Z")
OP, tell us: Does your friend have specific reasons he is feeling suicidal? If so what are they? For example, his wife left him after 30 years of marriage… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/26 "2014-09-06T23:24:36Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > He should call a suicide prevention hotline: there are lots of local ones and also: > [http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) > > Why does he feel like committing suicide? I can certainly understand it if he is terminally ill and in substantial physical pain–but not otherwise. > > As to why not there is a good chance these feelings won’t last forever–and if he kills himself he will never be able to enjoy life. Why is physical pain the only “understandable” reason for suicide for so many people? I dont get this. And to the OP, is this “friend” really **Frank**? I assume it is, given the emotion with which you are responding to these posts to your thread. I empathize with you and hope you get the help you are looking for. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/27 "2014-09-06T23:24:41Z")
This may seem like an unhelpful answer, but it’s helped me out of some tough evenings: There is no way to kill yourself that does not leave a frightful mess that somebody has to clean up, and he doesn’t really want to subject people to that, does he? Have him think about it. Even with poison, he might vomit or void his bowels. And what if he’s not found for a couple days? Bloat and leakage and stench to high heaven. Suicide by truck or train? Messy and he leaves behind some poor sap who thinks about what he could have done to not kill him. Jumping off a bridge? That ruins the day ofor dozens of searchers, each hoping they’re not the one who finds his corpse–has he ever smelled a floater? And what if he screws up? A shotgun under the chin seems like a sure, though very messy, thing, but has he ever seen photos of someone who aimed a little cockeyed and lived? Tell him to go ahead and look for photos on the net. I double-dog dare him. Or there are all the good answers you’ve been given. There are worse ways to spend 72 hours than in a psych ward and he will realize his desire to kill himself has been replaced by a desire to kill all of his fellow patients. Trust me, mine is the voice of experience. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/28 "2014-09-06T23:34:25Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Why is physical pain the only “understandable” reason for suicide for so many people? I dont get this. Psychological pain can be fixed by tranquilizers and other drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/29 "2014-09-06T23:35:42Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > It sounds like the fear of “being locked up” is short-circuiting everything. Yes, I can think of no reason to argue with this assessment. While my friend has not necessarily decided on suicide, the ability to commit suicide is critical. Perfectly willing to discuss why he should not; unwilling to discusss why others insist that he should not, nor to accept their blocking his ability to do so. Anyone in doubt of the meaning of this post should read the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/30 "2014-09-06T23:39:47Z")
One option might be to call a suicide hotline for Canada or the UK. They would not have the resources to make you do anything, but would have access to useful general information. It wouldn’t be a free call, but other than that I don’t see why you couldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/31 "2014-09-06T23:40:24Z")
He should phone the hotline AND first thing, mention he wants to talk to someone about how he feels but doesn’t, out of fear of being locked up! He will immediately be reassured by pros and given treatment options that will be much more appealing. I lost a brother to suicide a few years ago, if needs be, call yourself and ask for some answers FOR your friend. Do it now! Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/32 "2014-09-06T23:48:09Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Yes, I can think of no reason to argue with this assessment. While my friend has not necessarily decided on suicide, the ability to commit suicide is critical. Perfectly willing to discuss why he should not; unwilling to discusss why others insist that he should not, nor to accept their blocking his ability to do so. > > Anyone in doubt of the meaning of this post should read the OP. It is not really that easy to commit suicide and supposedly sure-fire attempts often fail - does he have a concrete plan? Seems to me that he is still dithering, which is OK because it’s a big decision. Fear of a short three-day hold (should it come to that and it may well not) seems like an inconsequential issue in the grand scheme of things. He can call a suicide hotline and talk to someone without revealing anything personal. Even if they push, he is not obligated, and they cannot access that information unless he tells them. So really, he is holding all the cards at this point. He’ll be anonymous if he calls. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/33 "2014-09-06T23:54:09Z")
There is a TED talk you can find by searching for “bridge” and “suicide” that would be really helpful. It’s harmless enough to watch. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/34 "2014-09-06T23:54:59Z")
If he just wants someone to listen, I’m willing Frank. I’m not trained or anything, but if he just wants to talk, I’d be happy to listen. I’m close to his age. My name is Tania. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/35 "2014-09-06T23:56:10Z")
> **[The bridge between suicide and life](https://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_briggs_the_bridge_between_suicide_and_life)** > > For many years Sergeant Kevin Briggs had a dark, unusual, at times strangely rewarding job: He patrolled the southern end of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge, a popular site for suicide attempts. In a sobering, deeply personal talk Briggs shares... And I’d be happy to talk. I happen to be 57, too. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/36 "2014-09-06T23:56:59Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Seems to me that he is still dithering, which is OK because it’s a big decision. Fear of a short three-day hold (should it come to that and it may well not) seems like an inconsequential issue in the grand scheme of things. Only speaking for my friend, of course, but a three-day-hold, would, in his mind, merely accentuate the desireability of suicide, before they held him again, and prevented him again. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/37 "2014-09-06T23:59:51Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > Psychological pain can be fixed by tranquilizers and other drugs. Is this a woosh?? You are trying to say that psychological pain is “fixable” thru the use of tranquilizers, etc. but _physical_ pain, that’s the “unfixable” sort? I’d say you have it exactly backwards. When someone refers to a medication as a “pain-killer”, they aren’t referring to mental/emotional pain. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/38 "2014-09-07T00:00:37Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I’ve looked for a serious answer, and all I get is “too fucking bad, deal with what we want you to do”. So fuck you, fuck all of you. Sorry I tried to help, Jackass. What the fuck? ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/39 "2014-09-07T00:10:28Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > If he just wants someone to listen, I’m willing Frank. > > I’m not trained or anything, but if he just wants to talk, I’d be happy to listen. > > I’m close to his age. My name is Tania. I’m betting a lot of us would be happy to talk to your friend, Frank. I’m fifty-one, just shy of watching “Leave It To Beaver” first-run but that might be a plus. Tell your friend, please, that he should hold off on obliterating his options until he has exhausted them first. We’re here to help him exhaust them. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2014, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701/40 "2014-09-07T00:15:06Z")
I think it’s highly dependent on location and a lot of other factors. I’m always surprised in these threads that there are places where it’s “easy” to get locked up. I’m much more used to people (former clients, specifically, when I worked mental health) presenting at the emergency room with suicidal feelings and being evaluated and sent home. Feelings are one thing; an active plan (not “I know how I would do it” but, “I am doing x,x, and y on Tuesday to ensure that I don’t live until Wednesday”) is what would get a person locked up. Honestly, if your friend wishes to manage outside an inpatient setting, it’s important to state, “I have suicidal thoughts and feelings, but I am not going to act on them” to whomever he is speaking to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-friend-of-mine-would-like-to-know-why-he-shouldnt-commit-suicide/697701.md?page=3)