# A Genuine Caption Contest (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 19, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731 "2020-07-19T04:15:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 165
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2021, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3286 "2021-04-12T09:36:37Z")
No anesthesia, so ancient Roman doctors distracted the patient with a topless assistant. (Assistant in blue is thinking:) Oh no, not more HMO paperwork! ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2021, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3287 "2021-04-12T12:07:41Z")
The PG13 version of _The Merchant of Venice_. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3288 "2021-04-13T02:10:22Z")
This actually drew a richer trove of entries than I thought it would. Congratulations @Spoons. You’re up. > [@Spoons](#): > > “You know, sir, most warriors get tattoos on their arms.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3289 "2021-04-13T03:14:29Z")
Thanks, **Kent**! Okay, everybody, give this one a try: [![](https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/04/05/12/24/cat-316994_960_720.jpg) ](https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/04/05/12/24/cat-316994_960_720.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3290 "2021-04-13T03:21:09Z")
There’s a reason they call them calico cats. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3291 "2021-04-13T12:44:55Z")
After a busy day of laundry chores, Boots will settle down to a nice selection of mice to torture. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3292 "2021-04-13T13:53:49Z")
Mehitabel is no longer toujours gai. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3293 "2021-04-13T14:03:23Z")
“Hey, Ma! The fucking mittens were in the laundry the whole time!” ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3294 "2021-04-13T14:44:29Z")
Oh, sure, “not fashionable.” _You_ try getting good clothes in my size. And you can’t exactly make your own when you don’t have opposable thumbs. ---
**Author:** ![FastDan1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fastdan1/32/427_2.png) [@FastDan1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FastDan1)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3295 "2021-04-13T15:05:46Z")
Toonces, the cat who could dry the clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3296 "2021-04-13T15:27:30Z")
(With apologies to Bertolt Brecht) You dogs can watch while I’m washing these clothes And I’m washing these clothes while you’re gawking Maybe once ya tip me and it makes ya feel swell In a ratty waterfront in this ratty-old hovel But you’ll never guess to who you’re talkin’. No. You couldn’t ever guess to who you’re talkin’. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3297 "2021-04-13T15:38:06Z")
Mon-day, how I hate doing laun-dry, I dread scrubbing these kids’ clothes, hanging them on the li—ne… [To the tune of _Memory_ from _Cats_] ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3298 "2021-04-13T15:47:29Z")
“Buy the kid a damned doll, already!” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2021, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3299 "2021-04-13T15:49:23Z")
OK, I posed for your picture. Now get these clothes off of me before I claw your @^&%ing eyes out! ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3300 "2021-04-14T03:51:41Z")
And the winner is @Quondam_Mechanic for this gem: > [@Quondam\_Mechanic](#): > > Oh, sure, “not fashionable.” _You_ try getting good clothes in my size. And you can’t exactly make your own when you don’t have opposable thumbs. Your turn, **Quondam**! ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3301 "2021-04-14T06:02:59Z")
_yawn_ – it’s the wee hours here, so I’ll try to come up with something in a few hours. Thanks, **Spoons**! ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3302 "2021-04-14T14:16:25Z")
At long last – and I hope better late than never, but it might be a close call. [![](https://i.pinimg.com/600x315/8d/90/aa/8d90aa61dd497fbbd63e5fa3c7fca8dd.jpg) ](https://i.pinimg.com/600x315/8d/90/aa/8d90aa61dd497fbbd63e5fa3c7fca8dd.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3303 "2021-04-14T14:19:01Z")
[OK, I’ll take the obvious start] It’s Spongebob Deadpants! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3304 "2021-04-14T14:38:41Z")
_All right, Mr. Crab! I’ve had enough of your attitude. Into the Kettle with ya!_ ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/3305 "2021-04-14T14:44:15Z")
Because the comics industry had been struggling, Marvel thought to capture the _Sponge Bob_ audience that had grown to the teenage bracket by making their childhood hero a bloodthirsty psycho killer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=164) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=166)