# A Genuine Caption Contest (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 19, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731 "2020-07-19T04:15:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 255
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2021, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5087 "2021-12-07T18:41:50Z")
Now we know why Santa was so jolly (someone had to take the obvious one) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2021, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5088 "2021-12-07T19:28:28Z")
Why is the rum always gone? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2021, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5089 "2021-12-07T20:13:56Z")
Santa brought Christmas cheers. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2021, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5090 "2021-12-07T22:27:42Z")
Old St. Nick was an alcoholic Who was very rarely stable. Kringle O Kringle was a boozy single Who could drink you under the table. Santa Claus could chug without pause Sobriety is a fable Father Christmas was a loaded mess Who drove his sleigh into a gable The jolly fat elf couldn’t help himself… (I could do this all day.) ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5091 "2021-12-08T01:22:53Z")
“This is better than cookies and milk, but next Christmas, could you leave some ice as well?” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5092 "2021-12-08T02:43:43Z")
If you want that new XBox, you’re not going to breathe a word of this to Mrs. Claus! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2021, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5093 "2021-12-08T22:17:40Z")
Okay, it’s been about 24 hours so I’m giving it to: > [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > If you want that new XBox, you’re not going to breathe a word of this to Mrs. Claus! Take it away! ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5094 "2021-12-09T11:37:03Z")
Thanks, Lumpy. What do you want under your tree? [![](https://allthatsinteresting.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/xmas-gun.jpg) ](https://allthatsinteresting.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/xmas-gun.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5095 "2021-12-09T15:11:52Z")
Republicans are winning the War on Christmas one gun at a time. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5096 "2021-12-09T15:15:02Z")
I saw Mommy winging Santa Claus… ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5097 "2021-12-09T15:44:05Z")
_Handguns waiting on an “open fire;”_ _Snipers plinking near your nose;_ _Though it’s been said many times, many ways,_ _Merry Christmas to you._ ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5098 "2021-12-09T16:27:04Z")
Why is there no “i” in Christmas? Because Ralphie put an i out. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5099 "2021-12-09T16:31:11Z")
Unfortunately, the fourth gift of the Magi was confiscated at the border. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5100 "2021-12-09T18:02:01Z")
Be ready, because that ain’t Santa coming down the chimney! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5101 "2021-12-09T18:21:40Z")
ou might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost on your windowsill But if someone’s climbin’ down your chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill –Weird Al Yankovic ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2021, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5102 "2021-12-09T19:46:10Z")
This gives an entirely new meaning to “taking down” the Christmas tree. “Children, this is why there are no heirloom glass ornaments in the family.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2021, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5103 "2021-12-10T12:48:54Z")
All the entries are superb, so I’ll give Elmer the prize for stuffing the ballot box. > [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > I saw Mommy winging Santa Claus… ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2021, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5104 "2021-12-10T14:33:16Z")
Thanks! [![](https://mir-s3-cdn-cf.behance.net/projects/404/9bcb2441035313.5796b2574d001.jpg) ](https://mir-s3-cdn-cf.behance.net/projects/404/9bcb2441035313.5796b2574d001.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2021, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5105 "2021-12-10T14:36:55Z")
_War on Christmas_: Christmas is fighting back. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2021, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5106 "2021-12-10T17:11:08Z")
Santa Smash! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=254) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=256)