# A Genuine Caption Contest (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 19, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731 "2020-07-19T04:15:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 281
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5607 "2022-03-21T14:39:02Z")
[![](https://newsroom.wcs.org/dnnimagehandler.ashx?mode=file&file=/Portals/164/Images/Photo02_Musk%20Deer(c)DMiquelle.rs.jpg) ](https://newsroom.wcs.org/dnnimagehandler.ashx?mode=file&file=/Portals/164/Images/Photo02_Musk%20Deer(c)DMiquelle.rs.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5608 "2022-03-21T15:54:20Z")
“You think I’m an herbivore? Go ahead, try me.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5609 "2022-03-21T17:18:44Z")
What happened after Dracula fed on Bambi ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5610 "2022-03-21T19:40:04Z")
The infamous saber-toothed jackalope. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5611 "2022-03-21T19:40:27Z")
Universal Studios presents Wild Kingdom ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5612 "2022-03-21T19:50:05Z")
And no one ever saw Thumper again… ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5613 "2022-03-23T18:57:34Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > “You think I’m an herbivore? Go ahead, try me.” You’re up @Kent_Clark ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5614 "2022-03-24T00:00:38Z")
As long as we’re looking at sharp things [![](https://www.knifecountryusa.com/store/image/products/magnified/312310_312315.jpg) ](https://www.knifecountryusa.com/store/image/products/magnified/312310_312315.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5615 "2022-03-24T00:15:46Z")
Fail! A left-handed bacon stretcher is thoughtlessly not included. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5616 "2022-03-24T00:47:51Z")
"Thanks for the nice Christmas gift, Mom and Dad, but I really wanted the one with _four_ bottle openers. This one only has three. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5617 "2022-03-24T01:31:28Z")
Conversely, the Swiss Navy knife has no blades. ---
**Author:** ![Quondam\_Mechanic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quondam_mechanic/32/3404_2.png) [@Quondam\_Mechanic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quondam_Mechanic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5618 "2022-03-24T02:25:20Z")
Why going on a bivouac with the Swiss Army might not be the rugged adventure you were expecting. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5619 "2022-03-24T02:37:53Z")
Far less successful than it’s famous pocket knife was the Swiss Army’s all-in-one surgical tool, with scalpel, forceps, retractor, clamp, bone saw, cranium drill, suturing tool, lance, and intravenous line inserter. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5620 "2022-03-24T07:24:22Z")
Gordon Ramsay: “Now, all you need is this Swiss Army Knife, and you too can prepare a delicious meal of French onion soup, a lamb roast with mint sauce, scalloped potatoes and green beans, and assorted cheeses. No need to dig around in the kitchen cutlery drawer any more, if you have this.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5621 "2022-03-24T07:59:30Z")
“What? No pipe cleaners?” ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5622 "2022-03-24T12:49:07Z")
(2005) “the Swiss Army knife for the Dutch West Indies boyfriend.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5623 "2022-03-24T17:48:22Z")
…and pushing the white cross for precisely 17 seconds turns it into a hand grenade. Watch out for the shrapnel! ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5624 "2022-03-24T18:07:54Z")
“Official reports indicate that the hiker froze while frantically searching his multiplex knife for the fire-starter tool.” The Swiss Army changed their purchase agreement to a cost-plus contract. And the instruction book says that this tool is used for low urine flow. DON"T EVER USE THIS TOOL! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2022, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5625 "2022-03-24T18:14:49Z")
“But I couldn’t find the tweezers” ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2022, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/5626 "2022-03-25T00:19:48Z")
So many creative uses! I have to award @Lumpy by a hair (or a hair trimming tool) for including a cranium drill in his list of tools. Go Lumpy! > [@Lumpy](#): > > Far less successful than it’s famous pocket knife was the Swiss Army’s all-in-one surgical tool, with scalpel, forceps, retractor, clamp, bone saw, cranium drill, suturing tool, lance, and intravenous line inserter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=280) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731.md?page=282)