# A Genuine Caption Contest (Part 1)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731
**Category:** Thread Games
**Created:** [July 19, 2020, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731 "2020-07-19T04:15:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 312
### Author:  [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2022, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6227 "2022-07-08T02:45:08Z")
Frustrated, Johnny urinates in his teacher’s purse.
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2022, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6228 "2022-07-08T17:09:16Z")
(In what forsaken universe is twelve minus three equal to fifteen?)
🎶
"If Clarence took fair Gwendoline out for an auto ride
And if at 60 miles an hour one kiss to capture tried
And quite forgot the steering gear on her honeyed lips to sup
How soon could 20 men with brooms sweep Clare and Gwennie up?
Oh, oh, oh!
Put down six and carry two
Gee, but this is hard to do
You can think and think and think till your brains are numb
**I don’t care what teacher says, I can’t do the sum**"
_I Can’t Do The Sum_ (1903) from _Babes in Toyland_ by Victor Herbert
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2022, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6229 "2022-07-08T17:10:50Z")
You can’t take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that’s really four tens
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add 'em to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that’s nine.
Is that clear?
_New Math_ by Tom Lehrer
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### Author:  [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2022, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6230 "2022-07-08T17:35:57Z")
Poor dyslexic Bobby thought today’s quiz was on Lepidopterology.
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [July 8, 2022, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6231 "2022-07-08T17:55:39Z")
But there IS always a place for everyone, Johnny grew up to work for the Office of Management and Budget.
The local bank tellers all learned to disappear when Johnny’s teacher came in “because of an error in the bank’s statement”.
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6232 "2022-07-09T03:00:11Z")
Wow, every single caption was great. You’re all winners in my book.
But, alas, there can only be one victor. And for digging up a reference to Victor Herbert, I’ll pass the torch to @Bonum_Legatum. See if you can come up with something that will be remembered 119 years from now!
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6233 "2022-07-09T18:07:19Z")
Thank you. Cat pictures seem to be popular, so…
[ ](https://i.imgur.com/Ae8mxhg.jpg)
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### Author:  [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6234 "2022-07-09T18:10:25Z")
“What are you all looking at? You’ve never seen a dude with a pussy before??”
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6235 "2022-07-09T18:21:49Z")
Old Mr. Johnson had troubles of his own,
He had a little cat that wouldn’t leave his home.
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### Author:  [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6236 "2022-07-09T18:22:07Z")
Even his whiskers have whiskers!
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### Author:  [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6237 "2022-07-09T18:31:34Z")
When he finds that mouse who lives in my pubes, things are going to get really lively here.
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### Author:  [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6238 "2022-07-09T19:32:20Z")
“I call him Kuato“
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### Author:  [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6239 "2022-07-09T19:56:49Z")
SCP 1701: Living Beard
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### Author:  [@LegendHasit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LegendHasit)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2022, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6240 "2022-07-09T22:22:04Z")
cat got your tongue
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2022, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6241 "2022-07-10T00:50:58Z")
That cat has the bushiest tail I’ve ever seen.
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### Author:  [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2022, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6242 "2022-07-10T04:37:46Z")
“Fluffy! So that’s where you been the last seven years!”
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### Author:  [@boson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boson)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2022, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6243 "2022-07-10T05:26:00Z")
“Take the damned pitcher. My pussy is getting the willies.”
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [July 10, 2022, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6244 "2022-07-10T15:23:22Z")
Cat pictures bring out the best, making it difficult to choose. Let’s go with
> [@LegendHasit](#):
>
> cat got your tongue
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### Author:  [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)
#### Post date: [July 11, 2022, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6245 "2022-07-11T20:31:55Z")
24 hours and no reply.
> [@furryman](#):
>
> SCP 1701: Living Beard
Furryman, please take over.
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### Author:  [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)
#### Post date: [July 12, 2022, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-genuine-caption-contest-part-1/915731/6246 "2022-07-12T18:25:17Z")
Dammit! Just came up with the perfect caption:
Now you know why they call me furryman.
[ ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/17/d9/ab/17d9aba6999ea4e5cf94e0fad196aa68.png)
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