# A good pun is its own reword **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 21, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239 "2009-01-21T01:16:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/41 "2009-01-23T18:19:44Z")
Joe hires on as a school bus driver. On his first day he is going to transport very little children, and the bus is decorated with pictures of Bert, Ernie and Big Bird. At the first stop a very, very chubby little girl gets on. "Hi, " she says. “My name’s Patty.” Second stop, yet another girl gets on, and she’s even fatter than the first one. “Hi,” she says. “My name’s Patty.” Whatever. Next stop a little boy and his mother are waiting. She helps him on the bus. “This is Ross,” she says. “He’s special.” Next stop is another girl. She is sneezing and sneezing. “I’m Betty,” she says. “Sorry about the sneezing, I have really bad allergies.” Next, she sits down on the floor, takes off her shoes and starts messing around with her feet. “What are you doing?” asks Joe. " My bunions hurt," says Betty. Well, Joe finishes the route, goes back to the bus garage, tosses the keys on the dispatcher’s desk. “I’m quitting!” he says. “Can’t stand it!” “What?” says the dispatcher, “Were the kiddies that bad?” “No,” says Joe. “But I’ll be damned if I’m going to drive two obese Patties, special Ross, Betty sneezing, picking bunions, on a Sesame Street bus!” ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/42 "2009-01-24T10:51:14Z")
You know, I just realized that the Hamburglar is a patty criminal. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2009, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/43 "2009-01-24T11:06:04Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > In college, we had a crappy little chess set, and a cat. The cat knocked several of the pieces under the couch, and we recovered all of them except for a pawn. We drew a pawn on a scrap of paper and used it as a replacement. > > Some months later, my roommate found the missing piece and held it up triumphantly. I thought that was going to be about your hidden porn collection! ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/44 "2010-01-07T17:07:41Z")
> [@Daylate](#): > > Old one: > > Rich California eccentric, but gullible, millionaire loved animals. So much so that he had a small private zoo, containing as one of its attractions an elderly lion who lived in an enclosure which also contained a large pool harboring two porpoises. As these porpoises happened to be the pride and joy of the zoo owner, he fretted continually about their health and wellbeing > > One day an friend of the millionaire told him that he had heard that if porpoises were fed a diet of seagulls that they would live forever. Being so gullible, the millionaire took it hook, line, and sinker. > > So he immediately hied himself to the nearest beach and proceeded to trap two seagulls. Taking them back to his zoo, he entered the lion’s enclosure, stepped over the sleeping lion who was lounging on the lip of the pool, and threw the gulls to the porpoises. > > A cop who was watching this immediately arrested him. "What are you arresting me for?, complained the millionaire? > > Says the cop, “For violating the Mann Act.” > > Wait for it > > Transporting gulls over staid lions for immortal porpoises. My nose still burns from the stench of THAT one. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/45 "2010-01-07T17:25:05Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > How could you tell the deferens? Not at first glans. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/46 "2010-01-07T17:37:00Z")
True story: My friend and I stopped at a fast food joint just to get a couple of milk shakes. There was a cute girl working the counter. I made a comment to that effect, chuckle chuckle, we got our shakes and left. As we were walking out the door, my friend says, “I wonder if her name is Edith”. I asked him why and he says,“Well, you can’t have your shake and Edith, too”. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/47 "2010-01-07T17:41:19Z")
> [@uncle\_squeegee](#): > > Two horses were trotting along and ran into a third horse, who had a spotted rump. > The first horse, who knew the third horse. introduced the second to the third horse. The third horse said to the first horse, “Any pal of yours is a palomino.” > > I came up with that in 1979, and sadly I’ve never topped it. I don’t get it. What do the spots have to do with it? Spotty horses are called Appaloosas. Palominos are the golden ones with white manes and tails. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/48 "2010-01-07T17:44:29Z")
Kip Addota: Life In The Slaw Lane. If you haven’t heard it, it’s a tour de force of punning. He also did one about fish, I think it’s called “Wet Dream”. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_CIbGcNASU) (How do you turn a link into highlighted words instead of the whole link?) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/49 "2010-01-07T17:51:14Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > (How do you turn a link into highlighted words instead of the whole link?) Step 1) copy the link, hold it in the paste buffer. Step 2) Type your post, highlight the word or phrase to link Step 3) Click the link icon, that’s the one that looks like a little planet Earth with three chain links under it. (Next to the text color control in the quick reply box) Strp 4) A message box opens, telling you to enter the URL for your link. CTRL-V pastes the link you copied in step 1. Step 5) Click OK and you’re done. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/50 "2010-01-07T18:14:28Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > I don’t get it. What do the spots have to do with it? Spotty horses are called Appaloosas. Palominos are the golden ones with white manes and tails. Well then, a pal o’ you, sir, is a pal o’ mine. OH! ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/51 "2010-01-07T18:17:08Z")
Thanks, **Peter**. Testing, testing… [Kip Addotta, Wet Dream](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/52 "2010-01-07T18:23:39Z")
I’ve told this before and it continues to be one of my bestest puns _evar_. Mr. Ujest and I had just finished stuffing our econoline to capacity with living room, dining room and bedroom furniture from Ikea. For those of you who don’t know, Ikea furniture has to be assembled, so you take it home in compact boxes. So there was one box that wouldn’t fit in back, or on the floor or even up by me in the passenger seat ( where I was jammed in with our luggage. We were out of town ona quick Vacation.). This smaller box, containing a peice of bedroom furniture, fit between the ceiling of the van and the buttloads of boxes crammed in underneath with just a smidge of room to spare. Off we drive, entering into the rush hour traffic, going up a hill at a nice clip, weighted down by our purchases, when at the top of the hill all the traffic stops suddenly. Mr. Ujest hits the brakes and that one box goes sliding like a cannon \*right towards the back of my husbands \*head. I put out my hand and stopped it at the last minute. I giggled, " You were almost killed by a one night stand!" ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2010, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/53 "2010-01-07T21:53:27Z")
To all those who think puns are beneath them… _“A pun is a form of wit To which fools stoop And wise men aspire.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2010, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239/54 "2010-01-08T05:45:55Z")
Preparing for my wedding reception some 20 or so years ago, I wondered aloud if I’d got enough wine for the gathering throng. Why, asked my impending mother-in-law, how many bottles do you have? 288, I replied - do you think that’s too gross? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-good-pun-is-its-own-reword/482239.md?page=2)