# A guys worst nightmare **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 21, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286 "2011-04-21T21:12:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/1 "2011-04-21T21:12:47Z")
This is cringe worthy. :eek: Sure hope the surgery to reattach them worked. > [@](#): > > A mother of four accused of biting off her boyfriend’s testicles has denied grievous bodily harm. > **[Mother 'bit off boyfriend's testicles' in drunken 4am attack](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367179/Woman-bites-boyfriends-testicles-drunken-4am-attack.html)** > > Martin Douglas, 45, underwent emergency surgery to reattach his genitals after the alleged attack by Maria Topp at his flat in Newcastle. Only 2 1/2 years??? What the heck? > [@](#): > > In 2005, a woman who admitted to ripping her ex-boyfriend’s testicle off with her bare hands after he refused to sleep with her was jailed for two and a half years. [http://www.metro.co.uk/news/861537-mother-maria-topp-denies-biting-off-boyfriends-testicles](http://www.metro.co.uk/news/861537-mother-maria-topp-denies-biting-off-boyfriends-testicles) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/2 "2011-04-21T21:18:51Z")
Why do I read these things? I **know** they’re gonna be bad. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/3 "2011-04-21T21:19:28Z")
I’ll be in my bunk. Crying and shivering. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/4 "2011-04-21T21:27:57Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Why do I read these things? I **know** they’re gonna be bad. I’m going to take this as meaning you want to borrow the neuralizer, right? ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/5 "2011-04-21T21:29:12Z")
Jeez. They’re only nuts. Having anything bitten or torn off is going to really smart - at least these don’t get used for hours a day. Besides, it’d probably ward off heart attacks. Remember, nature doesn’t care if sex is great, she only cares if you think it will be. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/6 "2011-04-21T23:16:43Z")
Man, look at the teeth on that testicle biter. The front teeth turn towards each other and they look really sharp too. I’m a girl, and I shudder. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/7 "2011-04-22T00:01:42Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Jeez. They’re only nuts. Having anything bitten or torn off is going to really smart - at least these don’t get used for hours a day. Besides, it’d probably ward off heart attacks. > > Remember, nature doesn’t care if sex is great, she only cares if you think it will be. To hell with that! If it’s a question between the fellas and anything else… I’m not going to say absolutely yea or nay but I’m definitely going to need a day to think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/8 "2011-04-22T00:03:41Z")
I’m confused - did she bite 'em off, or rip 'em off with her bare hands? Inquiring minds, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Oldeb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ea666f/32.png) [@Oldeb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oldeb)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/9 "2011-04-22T00:06:58Z")
Two seperate women. Does that make it a trend? ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/10 "2011-04-22T00:45:01Z")
Don’t forget John Wayne Bobbit got his pecker sliced off by his wife Lorena in 1993. Pissing off your wife and then going to sleep beside her can be a very bad idea. I imagine this happens more often then the public realizes. I bet many groin injuries (spousal attacks) are never reported in the press. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/11 "2011-04-22T00:49:17Z")
> [@Oldeb](#): > > Two seperate women. Does that make it a trend? You could say it’s on the cutting edge. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/12 "2011-04-22T02:24:52Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > You could say it’s on the cutting edge. Stop it! ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/13 "2011-04-22T03:36:21Z")
“No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.” “Ok… alright, so I may not be your _worst_ nightmare, but I assure you I am _quite_ up there!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/14 "2011-04-22T03:45:21Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m going to take this as meaning you want to borrow the neuralizer, right? I’m not going after that bitch with anything less than a compression phaser rifle. ---
**Author:** ![surrounded\_by\_literalists](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8baadc/32.png) [@surrounded\_by\_literalists](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/surrounded_by_literalists)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/15 "2011-04-22T04:07:32Z")
Its simple really. Just worship the woman in your life the the intelligent, sex goddess she is, deny her nothing, and sleep wearing Teflon underwear. Quit making it so difficult. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/16 "2011-04-22T04:57:45Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > This is cringe worthy. :eek: Sure hope the surgery to reattach them worked. > > [Woman 'bites off boyfriend's testicles' in drunken 4am attack | Daily Mail Online](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1367179/Woman-bites-boyfriends-testicles-drunken-4am-attack.html) Read between the lines. They were able to reattach things. She’s going to have a hard time getting a date now that guys know she’s a spitter. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/17 "2011-04-22T05:27:01Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Stop it! Bite me! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/18 "2011-04-22T09:26:50Z")
> [@surrounded\_by\_literalists](#): > > Its simple really. Just worship the woman in your life the the intelligent, sex goddess she is, deny her nothing, and sleep wearing Teflon underwear. > > Quit making it so difficult. bahahaha, teflon undies! Teef slide right the hell off that thing! ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/19 "2011-04-22T10:03:34Z")
A whole lotta crazy mouth smeared in a whole lotta blood is _not_ something I’d like to see. A few years ago there was a report of a woman who had set fire to her husband’s (or boyfriend’s - can’t recall) love pack. So it seems you can dice 'em, slice 'em, pry 'em, or fry 'em. Personally, I just like 'em as a complete set. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286/20 "2011-04-22T14:33:44Z")
Honey badger meet Maria Topp. Maria Topp, Honey badger. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-guys-worst-nightmare/579286.md?page=2)