I didn’t comment on it in the original thread, but since it’s more on-topic here, I’d just like to take this opportunity to opine that that’s a marvelous construction, right there, and worthy of committing to memory, right alongside “That’s just the sort of blinkered, philistine pig-ignorance I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage – you sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker’s cuss for the struggling artist – you excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding Masonic handshakes.”
Heh. Where I work–one of those major defense contractors which sees to spending your defense-budget tax dollars to creating the finest PowerPoint presentations in existance–we’ve instituded “flying monkeys” as the catch-all solution for any patently ridiculous demands, such as (no lie) cutting a schedule down from 8 months to 10 weeks while simultaneously reducing weight and size of the final product by 30% so it can fly not only in the originally specified C5 but also in a C17. “Sure, no problem…we’ll just get some flying monkeys. They’re very fast.” I think that management may be catching onto the notion that there are, in fact, no flying monkeys and that we are mocking their commandments to drive the program in question into the ground, but often the sarcasm just doesn’t come across. (I’d like to take responsibility for creating the “flying monkey” paradigm but in fact I believe I took it from a Dilbert cartoon many moons ago.)
I have, however, modifed the corporate logo (with all manner of abstract color smears, swirls, and laser beams that is supposed to make us look competent and authoritative, I guess) in the corporate standard PowerPoint template to include, in a very faint alias, the words “Powered by Flying Monkeys”. Oh I am such a subversive!
I’ve never had to do the fish thing, although one company I worked for had us do a day-long Ropes course. It was actually quite fun, and we got to discover that management had no faith or trust in the engineering staff whatsoever. Needless to say, that company went under shortly thereafter. I did have a marriage counselor force us to read Who Moved My Cheese and The Giving Tree (a heart-warming story about an abusive man and a co-dependent, self-hating tree that allows itself to be slashed, impaled, hammered, cut down, and sat upon rather than stand up for itself…although I don’t think that was what the counselor was trying to get out of it.)
But hey, this stuff is no more silly than the memos we get from Human Resources (“Maximizing Our Employee Potential!”) constantly clarifying the dress code. (Apparently button down shirts without a tie are acceptible if you are wearing a v-neck sweater, but crew-neck sweaters are not allowed unless they have the corporate logo…on alternate Tuesdays and Fridays after a new moon. I just wear whatever smells least and sneak in the side door.)
Anyway, flying monkeys rock. I recommend them in every management-idiocy situation.
Well…if they want you to act like flying monkeys because of these crap sessions, please fling the obligatory handfull of steaming poo at them
TQM by Dr. Demming. Lessons learned from this book? 1:Best product for cheapest price. 2: Cut as many unnecessary levels of management as possible. 3: Take care of your people, because they take care of the job. (The USAF uses this as its ‘management’ manual.)
Gregory Maguire’s book Wicked has been turned into a musical of the same name. Wicked is the untold story of the Wicked Witch (who was actually good, but misunderstood and manipulated by the evil Wizard). If they truly are planning to foist this on you, may I suggest that you get yourself a copy of the soundtrack to Wicked? I believe that the song “What is this feeling?” may be an appropriate one for you to hum under your breath. It’s a rousing falling-in-hate song. Sample lyrics:
My favorite part of employee orientation for my current job was when I reviewed the dress code in the employee handbook and noted that all employees were supposed to wear “appropriate undergarments” at all times. What they meant was obvious (ladies, please wear a bra), but to avoid sexism, they needed to be vague.
I asked my HR rep who had the job of checking. She declined to answer.
Don’t drop the deadline, or I’ll see you in the office.
Oh, did you all think that the “Oz program” referred to ruby slippers and yellow brick roads? Nope, and it has nothing to do with Australia either folks. Basically, Oz is a metaphor for the relationship between management (Keller) and employees (Beecher).
I personally recommend finding a nice pair of really high heels covered with red glitter and insisting on wearing them around the office the day after the Oz seminar.
Or possibly bringing in poppies. Lots and lots of poppies. With enough poppies, properly applied, your boss won’t care what you do.
Just wanted to also say that Dr. Demming rocks. We engineering worker bees here subscribed to a bunch of his videos and attempted to get group viewings and meetings to discuss the info, but they were considered “too academic” by management.
I wholly expect to have an Oz meeting soon, since it’s popular :rolleyes:
I plan to walk into the seminar, look around and say “Does anyone else here smell poppies?”, and fall asleep in my chair for the duration.
