# A Huge Kick In The Nuts To My New Boyfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 21, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777 "2007-01-21T00:54:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/1 "2007-01-21T00:54:23Z")
Not really- I was just browsing through The Pit and the title seemed appropriate. So, new boyfriend, our time has come to an end. In the beginning, you were a wonderful boyfriend. You were _sooo_ nice, you were lovey-dovey. I fell so hard. Life was good. Squee, as it were. Then, you began to demonstrate an insidious way of making me feel bad about myself. Then it got worse. Long episodes of “things I don’t like about you” began to appear, with me as the surprise guest. I tried to tell you that I am who I am, I’m happy with myself, and maybe I just wasn’t right for you. Of course, you didn’t listen to that- you shored us up with proclamations of true love, if only I changed this, this, and that other thing about myself, and then everything would be perfect. I let you get away with this for some time. Well, only 3 months, but still way too long. Because I loooooved you, (what?) and you smelled good, and you were hot in the sack. And then, one day, you just weren’t worth it anymore. The final straw may have been when you advised me that I was obsessed with sex because I want it more than once a week, and sometimes I gasp! _initiate_ it! Or perhaps it was cumulative. You have no idea how to treat a woman, and I feel sorry for any woman you manage to last more than 3 months with. Once you get past the initial stage of a relationship, you give nothing. So, bye-bye now. I will stop bursting into tears at random by Tuesday, and next weekend I will be out there again enjoying life and meeting new people, and I will _NEVER_ drunk dial you! Fucker. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/2 "2007-01-21T01:05:05Z")
Sorry **Alice** , better you found out now than later. Your intuition is good, or you might have moved in w/ him. Time wounds all heels. Hang in there and be picky, you’ll find a good guy, not perfect, but good. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/3 "2007-01-21T01:18:37Z")
I don’t think I would have moved in with him- I felt pretty strongly about that. And I think I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t going to work out, but, you know, he smelled good. Or something. And if you could put that stuff about me finding a good guy in writing… thanks. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/4 "2007-01-21T01:22:26Z")
You will, but don’t forget the part about kissing a few frogs along the way. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/5 "2007-01-21T01:42:05Z")
Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. Feels like you got kicked in the nuts yourself, doesn’t it? Hang in there – the hurt will recede, it really will. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/6 "2007-01-21T01:53:11Z")
I’m so sorry. Trying to find someone good sucks sometimes. Okay. It sucks _often_. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/7 "2007-01-21T02:37:19Z")
It sucks MOST of the time. But it’s so good when you do find the good one. And you will find him. Hang in there, **Alice**. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/8 "2007-01-21T02:43:01Z")
At 38 and single for 8 years in a row, I’ve dated a _lot_. Nothing serious until this one, though. The really sucky part is that he fit my picture of the ideal man, and I loved everything about him except for how he treated me. That’s hard to deal with- when everything about him is perfect except for that one thing that you know you can never fix and you know you can never compromise on. I wish people would just be themselves right up front- their true selves, the ones you will see 3 months or 3 years later. And then the other person can decide right then and there if they’re willing to deal or walk away before anybody gets hurt. Would save a whole bunch of trouble, it would. ---
**Author:** ![TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBoneyKingofNowhere)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/9 "2007-01-21T02:49:32Z")
\*\* wishes this was one of those threads where the other side had some defense \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/10 "2007-01-21T02:52:27Z")
[QUOTE=TheBoneyKingofNowhere] \*\* wishes this was one of those threads where the other side had some defense \*\* [/QUOTE] Aw, don’t feel too sorry for him. If a heartbroken girl can’t go to the Dope and whine a little about “that bastard” and get some commiseration, then the terrorists will have won. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/11 "2007-01-21T03:01:02Z")
Smelling good can blind you to a lot of faults. Damn - a man who smells good… You’ll find someone worthy of you. Maybe not next week - but I hope you have a very good time looking! ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/12 "2007-01-21T03:11:13Z")
☹ Sending supporting thoughts your way! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/13 "2007-01-21T07:14:10Z")
Good for you, **Alice** , for not compromising on how you expect to be treated. Not right is just not right, and no amount of wishing will make it right (only took me three years of dating a dead-end guy to figure that out :rolleyes: ). You _will_ find a good guy some day, and he’ll make it worth the wait and all the frog kissing. (Have you ever heard the song, “It’s not me, it’s YOU” by Prozzak? It would fit your situation perfectly. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/14 "2007-01-21T12:22:08Z")
Wait, what’s this? Women want sex more than once a week? And sometimes initiate it? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/15 "2007-01-21T12:34:12Z")
**Alice The Goon** , your instincts were dead center, right on! That’s classic [abuser](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_abuse) strategies there. I am very glad you got away from him. (From what you have said, you got out before the violence began This means he didn’t get your spine/self esteem completely, good!) Don’t look back, and if you get similar feelings about a future boyfriend, _ **run sooner** _! Don’t let anyone treat you that way, but especially not a lover. It’s been said that abusers “start out gently and build over time” and it’s true. It doesn’t take away the sting or lonliness though. Hang in there, things will get better. _comfort_ ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/16 "2007-01-21T12:49:34Z")
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon] At 38 and single for 8 years in a row, I’ve dated a _lot_. [/QUOTE] That’s great, but my advice now is stop for a bit, and then a bit longer. The first bit is until you get him completely out of your mind. The “bit longer” is to have a little time to enjoy being _you_. I’m doing exactly this at the moment, and it’s really great. I’ve done the rebound stuff before, and it ain’t so great. Good luck. Enjoy being free. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/17 "2007-01-21T14:09:03Z")
So is this boyfriend the same one who was [the one for you](http://208.100.26.199/sdmb/showthread.php?t=403931) back on the 13th? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/18 "2007-01-21T14:59:48Z")
[QUOTE=A.R. Cane] You will, but don’t forget the part about kissing a few frogs along the way. [/QUOTE] Sometimes they’re a toad, and they can’t qualify for the frog to prince upgrade. 😉 Next time advertise sex more than once a week required, you might get a large pool to choose from. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/19 "2007-01-21T15:26:07Z")
Yes, **Otto** , if you must rub my face in it, I did think he was the one for me. I can take comfort in the fact that I’m not the first to make such an egregious mistake. :smack: I did love him, and I wanted him to be for me so bad, yet I couldn’t force him to treat me in a decent manner. Shame on me, right? Does that make you feel better? Thanks for the kind words of the rest of you- it actually does help, believe it or not. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/20 "2007-01-21T15:33:04Z")
FWIW, I think \*\*Otto \*\* cannot believe that a relationship that is unhealthy like that can fall apart so quickly. (It can, just like _that_ the person realizes it isn’t _ever_ going to work and finally common sense takes over and they leave.) I recognized when he pointed it out that I was seeing the last gasp of your hopes for what “could be” but wasn’t. ☹ I hope you have some peace, and time for learning to enjoy being yourself, and re-affirming your self worth. Look for chances to smile, and savor small moments of joy when you find them. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777.md?page=2)