# A Huge Kick In The Nuts To My New Boyfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 21, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777 "2007-01-21T00:54:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/41 "2007-01-21T22:13:54Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] Remember, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. [/QUOTE] Tell me about it… ---
**Author:** ![Lagavulin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@Lagavulin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lagavulin)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/42 "2007-01-21T22:18:40Z")
Alice - Your story could be mine. I dated a guy JUST LIKE THAT for a year. And I was miserable. I finally wised up and ended it, and shortly after that met a guy who made me laugh and made me feel good. We’ve been together four years now, married for nearly two. Still laughing, still feeling good. I’m almost certain that if I hadn’t had that horrible relationship, I wouldn’t have appreciated the most excellent one I’ve got now. And believe me my friends were happy too because I was such a miserable cow over the course of that year. It was obvious to everyone but me. Be glad you’re clear of him; life’s too short to spend it with somebody like that. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/43 "2007-01-22T01:25:53Z")
Sorry to hear things didn’t work out. It’s amazing how good people can be at hiding their true selves in the early “yay!” infatuation stages of relationships, isn’t it? It’s definitely a good thing that you were strong enough to know not to move in with this bozo or it would have probably dragged out the bitter end much longer. ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/44 "2007-01-22T01:50:17Z")
Nothing new to add except ((( **Alice** ))) and I’m hoping that you have something nice to snack on while you’re getting through this. (Whenever I was sad I would snack on cheese spread on crackers and Coco Puffs. If food isn’t your thing, then something else that makes you feel better that isn’t self-destructive.) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/45 "2007-01-22T01:57:53Z")
I have to know … [QUOTE=Penchan] I would snack on cheese spread on crackers and Coco Puffs… [/QUOTE] …at the same time? [/ot] ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/46 "2007-01-22T02:03:45Z")
No, I mean I really have to know … [QUOTE=Penchan] I would snack on cheese spread on crackers and Coco Puffs… [/QUOTE] …at the same time? [/ot] ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/47 "2007-01-22T02:31:06Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] I have to know … …at the same time? [/ot] [/QUOTE] Depends on how bad I felt at the time 😉 Nah, the cheese and crackers would be my dinner, and the cereal would be my dessert. I’m just a party animal, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/48 "2007-01-22T02:37:22Z")
[QUOTE=Lagavulin] Alice - Your story could be mine. I dated a guy JUST LIKE THAT for a year. And I was miserable. I finally wised up and ended it, and shortly after that met a guy who made me laugh and made me feel good. We’ve been together four years now, married for nearly two. Still laughing, still feeling good. I’m almost certain that if I hadn’t had that horrible relationship, I wouldn’t have appreciated the most excellent one I’ve got now. And believe me my friends were happy too because I was such a miserable cow over the course of that year. It was obvious to everyone but me. Be glad you’re clear of him; life’s too short to spend it with somebody like that. [/QUOTE] That was my experience after finally giving up on dead-end guy after three years, too. I cringe a little when I think of how many times I called my friend and my sister and talked endlessly about how badly that guy was treating me (not abuse, just neglect). I can understand **Otto’s** confusion here; it wasn’t very long ago he was Mr. Right, and she wanted to be with him all the time. I can also understand **Alice** just waking up one day and saying, “That’s it. I thought we had a chance, but we don’t, and it’s over.” When I left an abusive relationship way back when, it was just like flipping a switch. One minute I was putting up with his crap, and the next I was getting my purse and walking out the door (I left supper on the stove, even - turned it off, mind you, but just walked out in the middle of cooking it). ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/49 "2007-01-22T02:40:14Z")
{{{{{ **Alice The Goon** }}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/50 "2007-01-22T02:52:27Z")
Thanks, **Anne**. And **Penchan** , I did make creme brulee today. Not only is it creamy and comforting, it’s fun to wield that little blowtorch. ---
**Author:** ![Malienation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4af34b/32.png) [@Malienation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malienation)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/51 "2007-01-22T03:10:44Z")
[QUOTE=elbows] " Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree." [/QUOTE] Nice attitude. Women are fruit to be plucked by men with the nerve to fight for them. :rolleyes: That encourages passivity in women and aggression in men. Miss that guilded cage much? No wonder I hate women. ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/52 "2007-01-22T03:10:51Z")
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon] Thanks, **Anne**. And **Penchan** , I did make creme brulee today. Not only is it creamy and comforting, it’s fun to wield that little blowtorch. [/QUOTE] What you should do next time is get one of those person-shaped cookie cutters. Then make person-shaped piles of sugar and torch the hell out of them. Not only can you imagine your ex as each of those piles as you burn them, they make excellent toppings for any dessert! ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/53 "2007-01-22T05:16:42Z")
I used to date a very similar guy. Men who smell good can be dangerous! He smelled like tortilla chips (which I thought was fantasitc) but was a big loser who said he thought having sex that often was going to paralyze him or something. Life is better without him but I keep hoping to find someone else who smells like that. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/54 "2007-01-22T09:31:50Z")
[QUOTE=elbows] Yes **Sunspace** it is a quote from some glurge someone emailed me. No attribution, I’m sorry to say. I just hang on ones I like, it seemed very appropriate for this thread. I’m glad you like it **Alice the Goon** , there is actually a second paragraph that I chose to leave out. And it was actually titled “Apples and Wine”. The omitted last paragraph goes like this: “Now men…men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.” While mildly amusing, male bashing strikes me as gratuitous generally, and here specifically I felt it detracted from the message. [/QUOTE] Yeah, it was glurgey enough even without that paragraph, which stinks like a month-old kipper. There’ll always be an appreciative audience for any line that seeks to persuade women that they’re _too good_ for the men that don’t want them. :rolleyes: I don’t say that I’m all that, but I don’t dislike what I am enough to think that I’d need the shit stomped out of me to get me to conform to some woman’s whim of the moment - especially when we’re agreed that it would be wholly unacceptable turned around the other way. Which ain’t to detract from the OP’s woes, which look genuine and well justified to me. As the others are saying, it sounds like you’re well rid of him, and better luck next time. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/55 "2007-01-22T13:13:57Z")
**Alice** , I’m glad that you figured it out as quickly as you did. I wish I had with one relationship. Not abuse, but neglect. I chalk it up as a Learning Experience. Yeah, it’s disappointing. But the fact that you were able to realize that he was a jerk speaks well of you. And as a fellow mid-thirties single person, I commiserate. I have had an extremely frustrating time in the dating pool since my last relationship ended. But better to be alone than to wish you were. At any rate, good luck. Good men (and women) are hard to find, but worth it. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/56 "2007-01-22T14:15:10Z")
Nothing new to add from over here either, I’m just glad you managed to work out that it’s not the right relationship for you before it got too serious. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/57 "2007-01-22T16:25:53Z")
[QUOTE=Malienation] No wonder I hate women. [/QUOTE] All of us? About 50% of the adult population? Just because there are some simplistic, and somewhat misguided ideas about gender roles out there? You haven’t even _met_ most of us, but you hate us all anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/58 "2007-01-22T16:41:10Z")
[QUOTE=Malienation] \ No wonder I hate women. [/QUOTE] Now, do you really hate all women, or do you just hate women with a superior attitude who look down on men and play all kinds of games in relationships? I can assure you from the fact of my existence that there are women in the world who don’t do any of those things. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/59 "2007-01-22T19:38:14Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] And, I might add, “Squee, as it were.” may be my new favorite sentence ever, so there is that to feel good about. [/QUOTE] Same here. You clearly need to hold out for a very special partner. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2007, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777/60 "2007-01-22T22:47:59Z")
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon] That’s hard to deal with- when everything about him is perfect except for that one thing that you know you can never fix and you know you can never compromise on. [/QUOTE] Oooh, I know exactly what you mean: 2 years ago I dated a guy (also for 3-4 months) who was awesome _except_ for the co-dependent relationship he had with his ex. That one thing was the only thing wrong with him/us, but I knew that long-term I could never tolerate suffering because of his lack of a spine. I held back emotionally during the entire relationship because of it, though I was still pretty sad when we finally broke up. Heart stuff can be so annoyingly complicated and illogical! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-huge-kick-in-the-nuts-to-my-new-boyfriend/388777.md?page=2)