# A Hypothetical Duck in the White House **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 6, 2004, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524 "2004-04-06T11:41:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/21 "2004-04-06T15:25:51Z")
> [@](#): > > Woodrow Wilson had a stroke and became incapacitated during the last months of 1919. Until he made a semirecovery in the spring of 1920, his wife became the gatekeeper for Wilson, controlling access and making many decisions on her own. That would never happen today. “Today” being post-Reagan, of course. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/22 "2004-04-06T15:36:41Z")
If an assassin shot and severely wounded Dubya, there’s no way Laura would be running the government, nor would the press sit still for a news blackout. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/23 "2004-04-06T15:38:39Z")
> [@UncleBeer](#): > > I know you said hypothetical, but I’d still like a bit of specificity. Are we talking about a Donald-, a Daffy-, or Scrooge McDuck-type duck? And how does [Ducks Unlimited](http://www.ducksunlimited.org/) figure into this thing? You forgot [Mallard Fillmore](http://www.salmonriver.com/issues/mallard/). ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/24 "2004-04-06T15:51:16Z")
> [@UncleBeer](#): > > “Today” being post-Reagan, of course. Wow…Just Wow! To think I had you pegged. I guess I will have to go back to the proverbial drawing board. ETF: You owe me a keyboard! I just spit(?) a whole glass of milk out of my nose, all over my keyboard! Darn you! Why do you have to be so funny? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/25 "2004-04-06T17:01:01Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > ETF: You owe me a keyboard! I just spit(?) a whole glass of milk out of my nose, all over my keyboard! Darn you! Why do you have to be so funny? I’m sorry; I can’t help myself. I’m a victim of Incorrigibilitis Humorismus. I’m currently on a regime of anti-exuberants, but the medications have side effects of Snidaceous Sarcasmia and occasional bouts of Frivolimerickettsia.\* And by the way, haven’t you learned by now not to drink while Websurfing? You’re keying for a crash, sir! \*Oh, no… I feel another episode coming on… There once was a doper, **askeptic** , Who found that his life was too hectic. He ran through the Pit Buck-naked, 'cause it Felt so good not to be antiseptic. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/26 "2004-04-06T17:11:19Z")
[Howard the Duck for Prez!](http://hjem.get2net.dk/d_archer/HTD_08.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/27 "2004-04-06T17:14:21Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > He would lie about a lot of different things, fire people to free up lucrative slots for his cronies, hire private investigators to harass the people he attacked, sell pardons for money, and trash the White House on his way out. > [@xenophon41](#): > > He’d be able to convince dull-witted ideological mindslaves that his political opponents fired people to free up lucrative slots for cronies, hired private investigators to harass accusers, sold pardons for money and trashed the White House on their way out. Okay, did anybody else find these consecutive postings peculiar? ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/28 "2004-04-06T17:23:43Z")
**Hey you!** , don’t take the second one seriously; I was tweaking **Shodan**. I don’t think Bush has mind-control powers over his fellow ideologues. I just think he’s a duck. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/29 "2004-04-06T17:35:37Z")
> [@Hey you!](#): > > [Howard the Duck for Prez!](http://hjem.get2net.dk/d_archer/HTD_08.jpg) “We’re going to Capistrano, then the pond at the park, then the lagoon, then south for the winter, then back again! YEEEEEEEEAAGGGHHH!!” ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/30 "2004-04-06T17:55:26Z")
I think any duck that lives to 35 years of age, and can thus legally be elected president, must be some sort of super-duck, and would probably make a reasonably good president. And I, for one, welcome our aquatic overlords… ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/31 "2004-04-06T17:56:42Z")
> [@xenophon41](#): > > **Hey you!** , don’t take the second one seriously; I was tweaking **Shodan**. I don’t think Bush has mind-control powers over his fellow ideologues. > I just think he’s a duck. For that matter, I doubt Bush has mind-control powers over his own mind…(but then I doubt I control my own mind either, rather it controls me. I think. I think I think. Probably my mind is just telling me that I think, I think. I think …agggghhh who is doing the thinking? I wonder? Do I really wonder? Or do I think I wonder? I wonder?Or do I?) But I think, I think I agree, I think. He is a duck. I think… ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/32 "2004-04-06T18:00:52Z")
So. . . If Bush weighs the same as a duck. . . does that mean he’s a witch? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/33 "2004-04-06T19:20:02Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I think any duck that lives to 35 years of age, and can thus legally be elected president, must be some sort of super-duck, and would probably make a reasonably good president. Or he’s an EVIL MUTANT DUCK OUT TO DESTROY THE WORLD. Here’s a song appropriate to this thread: [March of the Sinister Ducks](http://www.michaelhanscom.com/eclecticism/2004/01/march_of_the_si.html) They smirk at your hairstyle and sleep with your wife… Ducks! Ducks! Quack Quack! Quack Quack! ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/34 "2004-04-06T20:34:04Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > Well, we have a more informed public, a much more adversarial press, and the Internet to facilitate the spreading of news You’re kidding, right? Between Fox News, [FreeRepublic.com](http://FreeRepublic.com), and mainstream journalists afraid to question the president for fear of getting a [flaming necklace,](http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/0517-01.htm) I fail to see any advancement in the fight against ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc8723/32.png) [@coffeecam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/35 "2004-04-06T21:22:12Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I think any duck that lives to 35 years of age, and can thus legally be elected president, must be some sort of super-duck, and would probably make a reasonably good president. > And I, for one, welcome our aquatic overlords… Ahh, but will you be of any use in rounding up your fellow citizens to work in our underground bread mines? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/36 "2004-04-06T22:23:27Z")
> [@GMRyujin](#): > > Ducks can’t be elected president. Now, they may stage a coup (or would that be chickens?)[/SIZE] No, pigeons coup. Chicken cluck in the Oval Office. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/37 "2004-04-06T22:27:23Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I think any duck that lives to 35 years of age, and can thus legally be elected president, must be some sort of super-duck, and would probably make a reasonably good president. I was wondering about the age requirement, but I don’t know how human years convert to duck years. Of course, it’s irrelevant (there are lots of them in the jungle), because the Constitution has no provision for age adjustments re nonhuman candidates. So as long as we’re talking about amending that bad boy… ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/38 "2004-04-06T23:20:35Z")
This is, in no wise, a joke thread, despite frequent bursts of chemically inspired levity, the non-avian nature of our President is a matter of the utmost concern. That Mr. Kerry’s political allies here at the SDMB (the Fonda cadres) make these assertions is outrageous. The President is no doubt willing to convene a high-level committee of physicians and ornithologists, and they can attest, under oath, that he is not a duck, and his political opponents are all liars, you can’t believe a word they say, and this proves it. This just in! _Grudge Report_ announces Larry Flynt claims to have secret recordings of GeeDubya “visibly quacking.” The White House is bracing for the political firestorm sure to result with the release of the “duck tapes.” ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/39 "2004-04-06T23:28:36Z")
> [@Michael Ellis](#): > > “We’re going to Capistrano, then the pond at the park, then the lagoon, then south for the winter, then back again! YEEEEEEEEAAGGGHHH!!” 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524/40 "2004-04-06T23:37:29Z")
Oh, alright, somebody has to do it. [Groucho as “Hammer” in _Cocoanuts_](http://www.whyaduck.com/info/movies/scenes/whyaduck.htm), showing the site plan to Chico: > [@](#): > > Hammer: Now, here is a little peninsula, and, eh, here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland. > > Chico: Why a duck? > > Hammer: I’m alright, how are you? I say, here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland. > > Chico: Alright, why a duck? > > Hammer: (pause) I’m not playing “Ask Me Another,” I say that’s a viaduct. > > Chico: Alright! Why a duck? Why that…why a duck? Why a no chicken? > > Hammer: Well, I don’t know why a no chicken; I’m a stranger here myself. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. You try to cross over there a chicken and you’ll find out why a duck. > > Chico: When I go someplace I just… > > Hammer: (interrupts) It’s…It’s deep water, that’s why a duck. It’s deep water. > > Chico: That’s why a duck… > > Hammer: Look…look, suppose you were out horseback riding and you came to that stream and you wanted to ford over…You couldn’t make it, it’s too deep! > > Chico: Well, why do you want with a Ford if you gotta horse? > > Hammer: Well, I’m sorry the matter ever came up. All I know is that it’s a viaduct. > > Chico: Now look, alright, I catch ona why a horse, why a chicken, why a this, why a that…I no catch ona why a duck. > > Hammer: I was only fooling…I was only fooling. They’re gonna build a tunnel there in the morning. Now is that clear to you? > > Chico: Yes, everything excepta why a duck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-duck-in-the-white-house/238524.md?page=3)