# A hypothetical. Includes zombies. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022 "2012-08-10T00:57:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/1 "2012-08-10T00:57:39Z")
## [Riffed from this one-panel thingy.](http://postimage.org/image/rg8ld1xc5/) You have to make your way across the USA, which is filled with rage virus zombies. On your left is your primary weapon. On your right is your secondary weapon. The main character in the last show you watched is the only other surviving person to help you through this mess. Just how screwed ARE you? * * * My own responses were along this line: -“Well, I just watched True Blood, and vampires \> zombies any day of the week, so I’m gonna pick Erik Northman as the ‘main character’ \ and I’m good to go! We are gonna PWN these zombies!!” Next thought was: “Oh crap; I am now the last human on earth for Erik Northman, mofo vampire, to feed on.” I am pretty well screwed. :p:p Your turn; hope you didn’t watch Spongebob last! ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/2 "2012-08-10T01:12:15Z")
Cool, I get to run the zombie gauntlet with Walter White. You said rage zombies which are the living ones from 28 Days Later, so that chemistry is going to come in handy. “That was a ricin arrow, BITCH!”. ---
**Author:** ![newsbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@newsbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newsbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/3 "2012-08-10T01:13:26Z")
Ha! I just watched Star Trek, the Next Generation! The main character? PICARD! I have Jean-Luc Picard on my side, who, as you may know, is not only one of Star Fleet’s most distinguished cadets, but a ferocious captain, and one with whom I would engage. He is also a man of [principle](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_eSwq1ewsU&feature=player_detailpage) and resource. I trust his unique approach to adversity, and his way of pushing through a difficult situation. I also trust he would comfort a woman in times of terror. RRROOOOWWR. Anyhoo. Do I have to worry about ammo? If not, I’m going with your classic 38 revolver as my primary. Easily transportable. Aim for the head, bang, I’m done. Secondary: Machete. I can carry that, sheathed, around my waist. newsbunny----------------------------\> is too old to have spent this much time playing GTA ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/4 "2012-08-10T01:15:22Z")
Main weapon: beer bottle Seconday weapon: TV remote Sidekick - Bob Costas? Hard to say, I’m watching the Olympics. If not Bob, it’s some runner, so on the “I only need to run faster than you” theory, I’m screwed. ---
**Author:** ![Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrogance_ex_machina/32/192_2.png) [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogance_Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/5 "2012-08-10T02:03:08Z")
> [@newsbunny](#): > > Do I have to worry about ammo? If not, I’m going with your classic 38 revolver as my primary. Easily transportable. Aim for the head, bang, I’m done. > > Secondary: Machete. I can carry that, sheathed, around my waist. Do you really keep revolvers and machetes on your desk when you post on SDMB? :eek: Anyways, I was watching Wakfu second season last, so I get Yugo, an immortal eliotrope boy who can shoot energy and teleport as my sidekick - that should mitigate the fact my weapons are a teacup and a dirty plate. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/6 "2012-08-10T02:18:37Z")
Watched _Men in Black III_ yesterday so I got J covering my back. On the downside, I’m armed with a screwdriver and a binder full of DVD’s. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/7 "2012-08-10T02:26:09Z")
Doh, I totally forgot two things in my OWN scenario: Armed with a KindleFire and a can of diet pop, I tell the Northman that all the zombies are his to feed on, and I’ll be his connection to intarwebs vampire pron. ---
**Author:** ![newsbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@newsbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newsbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/8 "2012-08-10T02:34:19Z")
> [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](#): > > Do you really keep revolvers and machetes on your desk when you post on SDMB? :eek: > > Anyways, I was watching Wakfu second season last, so I get Yugo, an immortal eliotrope boy who can shoot energy and teleport as my sidekick - that should mitigate the fact my weapons are a teacup and a dirty plate. Oh. I thought I could chose one weapon for the right hand and one for the left. This is very stupid on my part. It has been a long day and I am a dumbass. In that case, I have Amelia the Annihilator, a killer feline, and a fountain pen. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/9 "2012-08-10T02:48:09Z")
Hmmm. Well, I’m at home, and my cabinet of items that might not have really been lost in a tragic boating accident in November, 2008 is to my left, and my home security system that probably was also not involved in that boating accident is to my right. Being a practical sort, I’ll select the item from that cabinet that is chambered for the same round as that home security system, so I only have to pack one type of ammo. Sucks to lose the Druidess, but the last show I watched was\* Lizard Lick Towing\*. An episode featuring kinda hot but slightly trashy Amy Shirley as the lead character. She’s a former female bodybuilder, currently training for MMA. And she’s kinda hot. So I figure to hit that in between zombie slayings. Valhalla, I am cumming! ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/10 "2012-08-10T02:51:50Z")
Main weapon = Notebook Computer Second weapon = atomic clock (that wouldn’t be there normally, but the cat was playing with it, so now that’s what I’m left with… thanks cat!) Survivor = Steven Colbert Screwed Ratio? I can distract Colbert w/videos on the notebook while I outrun him. So, I’m not screwed until they get hungry again. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/11 "2012-08-10T02:58:38Z")
To my left is a sword, to my right is a pistol crossbow, and the last show I watched was _Batman: The Animated Series_. The zombies are fucked. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/12 "2012-08-10T03:17:43Z")
To the left my wallet, to my right a pile of books…not good. And I haven’t watched a show for so long that I’ve forgotten what the last one was; it’s all been books and games for my fiction consumption. If games count though then I’ve got the Dragonborn on my side, which probably helps a lot… ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/13 "2012-08-10T03:26:18Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > If games count though then I’ve got the Dragonborn on my side, which probably helps a lot… Until he takes an arrow in the knee, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/14 "2012-08-10T03:31:13Z")
Left: iPod Right: Bottle of water I don’t watch much TV but can I use the main character from the last novel I read? If so: Doc Holliday. I’m good If not: Bob the Builder. I’m screwed (thanks 2 1/2 year old son) ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/15 "2012-08-10T03:42:32Z")
Oh fuck, I have to rely on _Peter Griffin_ for help? Time to put a bullet in my own brain. Except the only weapons I have are a TV remote and a pillow. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/16 "2012-08-10T03:47:13Z")
Great. I just finished watching _Louie_. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/17 "2012-08-10T03:48:23Z")
Well, my weapons are a deck of cards and a pint glass, but I don’t think that matters since the last show I watched is _Burn Notice_. Michael Weston and I are going to be juuuuuuuuust fine. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/18 "2012-08-10T03:48:36Z")
One my left an aluminum baseball bat, on my right, my cell phone. Last show I watched was The Dark Knight Rises So I’m not screwed at all. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/19 "2012-08-10T03:50:55Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Great. I just finished watching _Louie_. Hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022/20 "2012-08-10T04:05:35Z")
I think the first thing on your left and first thing on your right rule is too limited. I propose you be allowed to grab two items from the room you are currently in (no people though). Granted in my case, that’s not a big improvement. This room is mostly filled with books, games, and electronics. I think I’ll stick with the screwdriver and back it up with a pair of scissors. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-hypothetical-includes-zombies/631022.md?page=2)