# A kid bit my kid at daycare **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665 "2011-09-08T22:09:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/41 "2011-09-09T15:44:39Z")
I was a biter. Then one day someone bit me back. I stopped after that. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/42 "2011-09-09T15:49:11Z")
> [@Caffeine.addict](#): > > My kid was bitten and my kid in turn did some biting. Often on the same day. That’s just what toddlers do. I would say every kid in his class either bit someone or in turn was bitten. Oh yeah - at my kids’ daycare, the older toddler class (18-24 months) is like a piranha tank. Based on the number of incident reports I’ve seen awaiting signatures, I’d guess a pack of toddlers could skeletonize a cow in five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/43 "2011-09-09T15:51:18Z")
Oooh this just came rushing back to me. In the 3rd grade, I was on the bus going home. A particularly vicious creature who for purposes of avoiding a lawsuit we will identify as " Laura L. " was sitting just in front of me. We were being mean to each other, etc. She hurled herself over the seat, landing face down in my lap. Yes. Face down. She bit into my upper thigh so violently that through blue jeans, she tore my thigh. Blood ran out. I remember screaming and throwing her off of me into the aisle, where she suddenly burst into tears. Bus driver lit into me for throwing a poor little girl around- till he saw the blood. Oh, the drama. No scar to show now, but I remember her full name and I know just exactly where the bus was when she bit me, because I was looking out the window when she launched over the seat. Very weird- it was a house on the right with a red shingled roof and an iron cat hunched over as though it was hissing and rearing back, perched on the edge of the roof about 5 feet from the edge. Corner of Chapel Road and Lodges Lane in Elkins Park, PA. Holy crap. Perfect visual moment. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/44 "2011-09-09T16:14:18Z")
If you sent your kid to a daycare made of solid gold and run by Jesus Christ himself she’d still probably get bit. It happened to my kid and the only thing that was memorable is that he was under 2 and still was able to tell me who did it. I don’t blame that kid any more than I blame the kid that fell on him last year and broke his collar bone. Shit happens when you have kids. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/45 "2011-09-09T16:38:17Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I’d guess a pack of toddlers could skeletonize a cow in five minutes. Reality show!! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/46 "2011-09-09T17:47:28Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Kids at 20 months have a very limited set of tools for expressing themselves. Hitting and biting are two of them, and they will be used. The daycare should teach them that those are inappropriate tools to use. Over the next couple months of months, you will notice when you take something from your daughter, she’ll not cry, but look at you sternly, and say, “Not nice!” You’ll also learn from her that stupid is a naughty word - pretty much right up there with things you can’t say on television. Most of them do learn by third grade NOT to launch themselves at someone and bite a chunk out of a thigh. ---
**Author:** ![Pazu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pazu/32/15522_2.png) [@Pazu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pazu)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/47 "2011-09-09T18:03:54Z")
One of our daughters got bitten in the toddler room at her preschool a few years ago. The teachers were a bit confused on the proper procedure for handling the event, because the biter was her twin sister. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/48 "2011-09-09T18:18:31Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > The problem is, they are visiting (otherwise I wouldn’t mention it at all) and it was on her _face_, so kind of obvious. Honestly, I think that was part of what got me so worked up – for some reason biting someone on the face just kneejerk seems worse to me than biting them on, say, the arm, even if rationally it’s not different. Oh, that _sucks_. My mom was really dubious about me working while our kids went to daycare (“ **overly** , I’m just not sure how I feel about this. I don’t think it’s right.” “Mom, this time I’m the parent and unfortunately most people (us included) need insurance and need more than one income to send the kids to college and retire eventually.”), so I can sympathize with in-laws or parents looking for ways to prove that sending a kid to daycare is a Bad Idea. I also understand the problem with getting bitten on the face. I’d probably feel the same way. Still, like you said, she’s probably forgotten about it, and since the parents are working on it, there’s no reason to worry. I’m sure they’re mortified, too. My son was never a biter, but he went through a very tough period when he was 3.5 and tried to hit a teacher once. I was horrified. There were some pretty serious consequences so he never did it again, but being _that parent_ is awful. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/49 "2011-09-09T18:31:20Z")
When I was in nursery school back in the 60s we had a biter in the class and a few bullies. We knew biting was wrong and bullying was wrong. The teachers enforced the rules and explained what was going on. I was 3 or 4, not 2. I was not scarred for life by that, but rather by my mother’s over protectiveness. You are the most influential person in your child’s life by a big, big margin. Teach her confidence and caring. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/50 "2011-09-09T18:49:58Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I suggest calling animal control. I’d guess if there’s another complaint against the same kid, it will be put down. Or at the least, they can demand the parents obtain a current rabies certificate. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/51 "2011-09-09T19:21:57Z")
Ah yes, the biting karma. My first kid was the one being bitten. It happened a lot (which, in retrospect probably meant a few times over the course of a couple weeks). I was ok the first time and then with the subsequent 2nd or 3rd times proceeded to throw a complete shit fit. I think I even literally stamped my foot. Nothing they said or did was going to make up for the injustice of it. Fast forward 4 years, in another daycare with child #2: “Dear parent, your child has been biting children…” Me: “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu…” ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/52 "2011-09-09T19:41:03Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Hey! My kid just had his first day at daycare yesterday, so believe me, I _totally_ feel you. (He’s a boy, and just shy of 12 months, though, so I’m still pretty sure we’re not actually the same person.) Hee! You always have such awesome posts that I’m not sure that I wouldn’t prefer if we were the same person, a little… > [@](#): > > As for the grandparents, I kind of like **AClockworkMelon** ’s suggestion to just pretend to make a big deal until they go home. But I can see that setting you up for a lifetime of “pretend” parenting whenever they’re around, and since it seems like that’s pretty often, that would get really confusing for the Little One as she gets older. So my suggestion is this: it seems to me that when you handle something differently from how your parents would, they have two issues: obviously, they’re worried about the Little One’s well-being, but they also see it as a criticism of how they raised you. So when they say something like, “How can you send our precious granddaughter back to that shark tank?”, respond in a way that addresses both concerns: “I know you’re worried, and I am, too. I’ve talked to the daycare, and they are doing X to address this. But you also raised me to be strong, self-reliant, and resilient, and to not run crying from every little injury. I want to instill those same values in the Little One.” Even if they actually _did_ coddle you a little too much, they’re hardly going to argue that. This way, you frame your position not as "I respect how you raised me, _but_… ", but rather “I respect how you raised me, _and therefore_…” OH. I really, really like this. > [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Yes. And this is why it’s so, so important to vaccinate. HepA and HepB [are on the decline](http://pathmicro.med.sc.edu/virol/hepatitis-disease.htm) [among children](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20533878) since they were added to the [vaccine schedule](http://www.chop.edu/service/vaccine-education-center/vaccine-schedule/history-of-vaccine-schedule.html), in 2000 and 1994, respectively. Whoa. And I remember thinking, “Why the heck are they giving my child an STD vaccination?” Didn’t occur to me at all that there could very well be fluid transfer from other kids! (Of course, she was much younger at the time and wasn’t going to daycare.) > [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Your (natural) reaction to be upset at the child who bit yours is exactly why the daycare center will not tell you who the biter was. Think of it this way: When (not if) your child finally hits, or bites, or kicks another kid, would you like that kid’s parents yelling at _your_ child. As Winston Churchill once said; Oh - hell no. Well – like I said above somewhere – I would never yell at that kid. (Plus by the time I found out about it, it was a couple of hours later, and if having a toddler has taught me anything it’s that they have memories of MUCH less than that; no point in yelling at a toddler about anything that happened more than five seconds ago.) And I understand that kids bite, and I certainly would not blame the parents for it. I’d gotten over being upset at the kid in a couple of hours, anyway – but I’m glad they gave me a little more information. It’s hard to be upset with a kid that’s just started daycare at 18 months, because I know how traumatic it is for my daughter – I’m just lucky she’s not acting out by biting. > [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ETA: And Raspberry Hunter, I think it’s totally natural that your instinct was to go into full protective mode. Someone hurt your kid; of course you wanted to get in there and kick some toddler ass. I don’t think it’s an overreaction or a sign of overprotectiveness to feel that way, as long as you don’t actually _act_ that way. Thanks! And no, I would not actually kick toddler ass. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > You’ll also learn from her that stupid is a naughty word - pretty much right up there with things you can’t say on television. Hee. We have a lot of naughty words – thanks to _Nurtureshock_ and a lifetime of being told I was smart and not being able to handle it when it turned out I wasn’t actually all that, she isn’t being told she’s smart, either, by anyone but my parents (we are so not having that discussion). > [@overlyverbose](#): > > I’m sure they’re mortified, too. My son was never a biter, but he went through a very tough period when he was 3.5 and tried to hit a teacher once. I was horrified. There were some pretty serious consequences so he never did it again, but being _that parent_ is awful. Yeah. I totally get that, too – I understand what I’d feel if it were my kid who were the biter. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/53 "2011-09-09T19:42:20Z")
> [@Pazu](#): > > One of our daughters got bitten in the toddler room at her preschool a few years ago. The teachers were a bit confused on the proper procedure for handling the event, because the biter was her twin sister. 😃 Heh. I can just see it now – “Your child was bitten at 10:20 am on the swings but we can’t tell you who did it. In other news, here is an accident report on how your other child bit another child at 10:20am on the swings, but we can’t tell you who she bit.” ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665/54 "2011-09-09T22:57:37Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > Musical sheep = (snip) > Or, alternatively, a Welshman/Kerryman/New Zealander/etc’s idea of a romantic concert. Definitely [Wales](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheep_Music). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-kid-bit-my-kid-at-daycare/595665.md?page=2)