# A lesbian is raped and gets pregnant. What is the "best" thing to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 28, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763 "2010-01-28T14:59:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/1 "2010-01-28T14:59:42Z")
A lesbian friend of my sister got pregnant as a result of rape. She chose to have the child and raise it with her lesbian partner. Several anti-abortion people told her the “right” thing to do would be to have the child and give it to a “real” (i.e. straight) couple. What is the best thing to do in this situation? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/2 "2010-01-28T15:02:13Z")
I think the best thing is to let her make her own decisions and not second-guess her choices. It’s ridiculous to think that there’s one magical “best thing” to do in a complicated situation like this. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/3 "2010-01-28T15:02:24Z")
If she (a) wants to raise this child and (b) is capable of raising this child then the “best” thing for her to do is to raise this child. The other part of the “best” thing to do is to put a boot way up the ass of those fine anti-abortion people. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/4 "2010-01-28T15:04:22Z")
I fail to see what does her sexual orientation have to do with anything. The choice is between keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption and having an abortion whether you’re a lesbian, straight, bisexual or about to start F2M treatment. The last choice proposed in the poll would get from me the response “over my dead body.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/5 "2010-01-28T15:06:50Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > The last choice proposed in the poll would get from me the response “over my dead body.” Believe it or not, that was actually suggested by several “fine anti-abortion people.” ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/6 "2010-01-28T15:09:08Z")
It’s her body and her baby: it should be entirely up to the woman that’s been raped (regardless of her sexual preferences: why are they relevant?). ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/7 "2010-01-28T15:09:37Z")
Wait a minute, is the assumption that the poor woman is already in stable relationship? Because that would change my answer. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/8 "2010-01-28T15:11:42Z")
The woman in question was in a stable lesbian partnership. But does her being single or with another woman change things? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/9 "2010-01-28T15:15:26Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The woman in question was in a stable lesbian partnership. But does her being single or with another woman change things? It only means that she might want to talk things over with her partner before making a decision. But that’s only in the same way that a woman with a heterosexual partner that’s been raped would want to talk it over with her husband or SO. In each case, she should have the final say. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/10 "2010-01-28T15:15:32Z")
The answer is that it’s completely for her to decide, nobody else. Any one of those things could be “right,” depending on individual feelings and circumstances. The whole thing is so personal, and person-specific, that there isn’t any broad “right” answer. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/11 "2010-01-28T15:21:23Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Believe it or not, that was actually suggested by several “fine anti-abortion people.” :eek:! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/12 "2010-01-28T15:24:27Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think the best thing is to let her make her own decisions and not second-guess her choices. Bingo ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/13 "2010-01-28T15:25:29Z")
You left off an option: Nobody else’s business. It’s her choice. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/14 "2010-01-28T15:27:33Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think the best thing is to let her make her own decisions and not second-guess her choices. It’s ridiculous to think that there’s one magical “best thing” to do in a complicated situation like this. This. Why wasn’t “Whatever she feels comfortable doing” an option? Whether it’s adoption, abortion, or raising the child, I don’t think anyone else has input (besides her partner, though ultimately, it is the woman’s choice). ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/15 "2010-01-28T15:28:33Z")
There is no right answer, but the last choice is a wrong one. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/16 "2010-01-28T15:29:58Z")
I thought about “whatever she feels is best,” but that’s a cop-out. I’m looking for real opinions on what people consider “best” as a general rule. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/17 "2010-01-28T15:29:58Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > A lesbian friend of my sister got pregnant as a result of rape. She chose to have the child and raise it with her lesbian partner. > > Several anti-abortion people told her the “right” thing to do would be to have the child and give it to a “real” (i.e. straight) couple. > > What is the best thing to do in this situation? Whatever she wants to do. Until the child is born, it’s nobody else’s fucking business. Well…maybe until the fetus is viable. I can never decide where to draw the line. But first trimester? DEFINITELY nobody but the woman gets a vote. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/18 "2010-01-28T15:31:34Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I thought about “whatever she feels is best,” but that’s a cop-out. I’m looking for real opinions on what people consider “best” as a general rule. It’s not a cop-out. There is no one “best” answer. What’s “best” for me isn’t “best” for your friend’s lesbian partner. For me, checking one of those boxes would be the cop-out, because I’m answering for someone else’s situation, which is inappropriate and useless. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/19 "2010-01-28T15:33:21Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I thought about “whatever she feels is best,” but that’s a cop-out. I’m looking for real opinions on what people consider “best” as a general rule. It is very rare that soi-disant general rules actually do any good except to placate the consciences of those persons who should keep their mitts out of other persons’ business. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/20 "2010-01-28T15:35:07Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Believe it or not, that was actually suggested by several “fine anti-abortion people.” Does you friend _want_ advice from these people? The good news is, they have identified themselves as jackasses so she can avoid listening to them unless she wants to know what a judgmental idiot would do. Your friend should do whatever she wants to and thinks is best. There are a lot of serious issues here, but she’s not required to do things any one way as long as she has her and the child’s best interests in mind. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763.md?page=2)