# A lesbian is raped and gets pregnant. What is the "best" thing to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 28, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763 "2010-01-28T14:59:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/41 "2010-01-28T16:24:41Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I fail to see what does her sexual orientation have to do with anything. > > The choice is between keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption and having an abortion whether you’re a lesbian, straight, bisexual or about to start F2M treatment. > > The last choice proposed in the poll would get from me the response “over my dead body.” > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Believe it or not, that was actually suggested by several “fine anti-abortion people.” [This](http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&ved=0CAcQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.walkbyfaith.org%2Farticles%2FSoul_Ties.pdf&ei=ZLhhS6zWJpDKsAO6v5nFCw&usg=AFQjCNF6EyFVk1vJntWjxaxzvh9H-F4itw) might be the basis for such an insane idea. (PDF) > [@](#): > > There is no requirement of a marriage ceremony, no love; only sex is required for the one flesh union. (A man > doesn’t try to legally marry a prostitute yet according to the above scripture he is married (one flesh)) > Every person you have ever had relations with in God’s eyes you have married and created a soul tie. > Ungodly soul ties are perverted and can even be demonic in nature. Fornication, rape, and incest are a few of > the acts that produce ungodly soul ties ( **Yes, the rapist is married to the victim etc.** They probably feel her “husband” is best suited to raise the child.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/42 "2010-01-28T16:24:53Z")
I’d like to add that “prosecute that fucking asshole” should have been a choice, and an easy one to select. Rapist goes to jail, fundie family loses their asshole loved one, society is safer…it’s win\*infinity. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/43 "2010-01-28T16:30:46Z")
Oh, I think that “prosecute” shouldn’t have been a choice, it should just be assumed that she’ll prosecute him. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/44 "2010-01-28T16:42:06Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Oh, I think that “prosecute” shouldn’t have been a choice, it should just be assumed that she’ll prosecute him. My best friend from high school was ambushed in her own home, raped repeatedly, beaten, kidnapped, and robbed in 2005, leaving her with injuries requiring hospitalization and, I think, some surgery. Her family – HER family, not the rapists, and including her mother and father – tried to convince her not to prosecute (well, testify against) her assailant, because he was a “friend of the family” and it would be humiliating for them. Happily, she told them all to fuck themselves. I know of other women who have chosen not to press charges against their rapists. We’re talknig 21st century women here. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/45 "2010-01-28T16:47:55Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > [This](http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&ved=0CAcQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.walkbyfaith.org%2Farticles%2FSoul_Ties.pdf&ei=ZLhhS6zWJpDKsAO6v5nFCw&usg=AFQjCNF6EyFVk1vJntWjxaxzvh9H-F4itw) might be the basis for such an insane idea. (PDF) > > They probably feel her “husband” is best suited to raise the child.:rolleyes: Holy Zeus! Do you realize what you have done? Do you realize whom you are summoning? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE UNLEASHED? (It’s not an offense since I didn’t actually say the poster’s name, right? I didn’t even link to a post!) > [@Neverending\_Elbow](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > In a [del]rational[/del] ideal society, a violent rapist would have no rights to give up, what with having been beaten to death long before the baby’s birth. > > I like your use of _rational_ here. > > But I do understand the sentiment. > > EDIT: Darn you for editing while I was quoting. 😃 I change it because the rational choice is actually not to execute the rapists under most circumstances, because if a rapist knows he will be executed if caught, he is more likely to kill his victim. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/46 "2010-01-28T16:49:43Z")
I’m pro-life and would have no trouble with her raising the kid with her partner. She’d need emotional support and a loving relationship to make the courageous decision not to take the life of the innocent for her father’s crimes. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/47 "2010-01-28T16:55:33Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > In order of best _for the baby_: Give to straight couple, raise with partner… Why do you think that it is _necessarily_ better for a baby to be raised by a straight couple than a lesbian couple? Do you have any evidence for this belief? ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/48 "2010-01-28T16:57:57Z")
I want to make sure we’re not equating all anti-abortion folks with the morons giving the unsolicited advice in the OP. At least a couple of us in this thread have identified as anti-abortion and indicated that we respect the mother’s choice to raise the child with her partner. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/49 "2010-01-28T17:04:53Z")
There is no “right” thing to do; her own desires are what matter. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/50 "2010-01-28T17:07:02Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think the best thing is to let her make her own decisions and not second-guess her choices. It’s ridiculous to think that there’s one magical “best thing” to do in a complicated situation like this. **MsWhatsit** nailed it in one. There’s nothing else to do besides this. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/51 "2010-01-28T17:08:08Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > This. Even if the woman does want a child, she can find a better sperm donor. Even a drunken loser in a bar would be worthier of fathering a child upon her. I’m just kind of wary of attitudes like that. I mean, obviously this guy is a scumbag, but when you phrase it like that, what is the child of rape going to think if he or she ever finds out? If I heard something like that, I’d probably just think it meant I was worthless because of who my father was. Though it does make me wonder–how many people are children of rapists. Not how many people are the product of rape, but how many people’s fathers have at some point committed rape? ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/52 "2010-01-28T17:24:13Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Though it does make me wonder–how many people are children of rapists. Not how many people are the product of rape, but how many people’s fathers have at some point committed rape? I’m sure there are plenty out there, but how many of them do you think were the product of it? If a guy rapes someone, then later (or earlier) convinces a woman to have a baby with him, the fact that he got to breed had nothing to do with him being a rapist. If the raped woman keeps the baby, then she’s pretty much selecting for it. No one should get a reproductive advantage because they’re a rapist. Of course, I actually believe that the mother should do what she wants; I’m just explaining why I never would keep a baby under those conditions barring exceptional circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/53 "2010-01-28T17:27:12Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > I’m sure there are plenty out there, but how many of them do you think were the product of it? If a guy rapes someone, then later (or earlier) convinces a woman to have a baby with him, the fact that he got to breed had nothing to do with him being a rapist. > If the raped woman keeps the baby, then she’s pretty much selecting for it. No one should get a reproductive advantage because they’re a rapist. Of course, I actually believe that the mother should do what she wants; I’m just explaining why I never would keep a baby under those conditions barring exceptional circumstances. Wait, if he rapes someone and then convinces (or already did convince) a woman to have a baby with him, he’s still passed on his genes. The woman who has the baby may not know he’s a rapist so it’s not a direct comparison. It’s not like the baby who is the direct product of rape is suddenly a bad seed compared to the baby who has the same father but came from a consensual coupling. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/54 "2010-01-28T17:36:31Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In a [del]rational[/del] ideal society, a violent rapist would have no rights to give up, what with having been beaten to death long before the baby’s birth. In my ideal society she would have beaten him up before he could rape her. (Of course I don’t know the circumstances so I don’t know if it would have been possible in this case.) ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/55 "2010-01-28T17:52:02Z")
You don’t have my choice which is do what she wants as it’s not the public’s business in anyway. She should tell the general public that are vocally against whatever she chooses to go to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/56 "2010-01-28T18:20:53Z")
Because there was no “whatever she chooses to do”, I voted “raising child with her partner”, since that WAS her choice. That was what SHE felt was best. But there rarely, if ever, IS one single “best thing” in this situation. You can give advice, but you can’t make a decision for someone, unless they’re incapable of doing so. **Vihaga** , so by your logic, the baby is now marked by who his father was? :rolleyes: The “sins of the father are visited upon the son” sort of thing? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/57 "2010-01-28T18:41:07Z")
I agree with all those who’ve said that it’s her choice. Beyond that, I hope that the father pays child maintenance. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/58 "2010-01-28T19:06:35Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > I agree with all those who’ve said that it’s her choice. Beyond that, I hope that the father pays child maintenance. That really takes this into murky territory - child support, father’s rights, visitation - I think we’re all fairly agreed that courts make decisions like this based on what is right for the child at this point; it isn’t out of the question that they could order child support and visitation (in spite of how incredibly wrong that sounds). The rapist may be a convicted criminal at this point, but convicted criminals don’t get let off the hook for child support. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/59 "2010-01-28T19:09:09Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I think the best thing is to let her make her own decisions and not second-guess her choices. It’s ridiculous to think that there’s one magical “best thing” to do in a complicated situation like this. Uh, yeah. Why isn’t this the only option in the poll? ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/60 "2010-01-28T19:22:34Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > A lesbian friend of my sister got pregnant as a result of rape. She chose to have the child and raise it with her lesbian partner. Didn’t the ER give her a morning after pill? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763.md?page=4)