# A lesbian is raped and gets pregnant. What is the "best" thing to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 28, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763 "2010-01-28T14:59:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/61 "2010-01-28T19:23:21Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > Why do you think that it is _necessarily_ better for a baby to be raised by a straight couple than a lesbian couple? Do you have any evidence for this belief? No. But the OP made me pick and order, so that’s what I came up with. And I took it as implied that the straight couple were decent folk. I’m not saying that I would say “Come on Mom. Do the right thing. Give up the baby.” I’m more saying something along the lines that it would have been better for me to be Bill Gates’s kid than my parents. That says nothing about my parent’s ability to raise kids. > [@Vihaga](#): > > If the raped woman keeps the baby, then she’s pretty much selecting for it. No one should get a reproductive advantage because they’re a rapist. To be honest, I’m thinking the entire human race was built from rapists. It usually involved clubs and caves. But I, too, am wary of people that think that products of rape would hate themselves if they found out. It really says something about the speaker, not the kid. It tells me that the person is willing to look down on another person because of who the latter’s parents are. I mean, what would you think of me if I said “Black people just shouldn’t have babies. I mean, could you imagine growing up and finding out that you were black?! You’d hate yourself!” Uh, either that or you’d be cool with it because you’re…well, you. There are, after all, no shortage of people that had crappy parents and aren’t full of self-hate because of it. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/62 "2010-01-28T19:25:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **Vihaga** , so by your logic, the baby is now marked by who his father was? :rolleyes: The “sins of the father are visited upon the son” sort of thing? No, there’s nothing wrong with this specific baby. But rape isn’t something I’d want to select for, on a larger scale. If someone only breeds because they rape someone, rape is a selective advantage for them. Does it matter on a small scale if it only rarely happens? Not at all. However, if it happens enough, it is an advantage. Personally, passing on your genes through someone without their consent is even more horrifying to me than “just” a rape (which is horrifying enough), because I couldn’t bear thinking that the rapist had not only had sex with me against my will but used me as an incubator as well. It has nothing to do with the baby, but it’s why I’d abort the fetus. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/63 "2010-01-28T19:58:46Z")
> [@Contrapuntal](#): > > Uh, yeah. Why isn’t this the only option in the poll? Because according to the OP, that would be a “cop-out.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/64 "2010-01-28T20:01:37Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Because according to the OP, that would be a “cop-out.” :rolleyes: Then the OP is wrong. At least about that. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/65 "2010-01-28T20:16:18Z")
It all depends on the situation. What best in one case (in a committed long-term relationship, with two steady jobs) would not be best in another (unattached and unemployed). Without knowing more, I didn’t vote. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/66 "2010-01-28T20:28:33Z")
I didn’t vote or read the rest of the thread. How can this question possibly be answered without knowing anything about the woman’s circumstances or her own wishes? And except for the gender of her possible partner, how is it relevant that she’s a lesbian? So the only answer is: It’s not my place, or anyone else’s, to tell her what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/67 "2010-01-28T20:38:20Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > To be honest, I’m thinking the entire human race was built from rapists. It usually involved clubs and caves. Er, do you have any evidence for this? I’m sure rape has happened quite a bit during the history of it, but why do you think that it was ALL about rape? Rape happens in the animal world, too, but it doesn’t dominate. > [@](#): > > But I, too, am wary of people that think that products of rape would hate themselves if they found out. It really says something about the speaker, not the kid. It tells me that the person is willing to look down on another person because of who the latter’s parents are. > > I mean, what would you think of me if I said “Black people just shouldn’t have babies. I mean, could you imagine growing up and finding out that you were black?! You’d hate yourself!” Uh, either that or you’d be cool with it because you’re…well, you. There are, after all, no shortage of people that had crappy parents and aren’t full of self-hate because of it. I was one of those who was wary of saying that…but this analogy definitely is squicking me out. There’s nothing wrong with being black and there definitely is something wrong with being a rapist. Finding out your father who you never met was a black man isn’t–or shouldn’t be-- a horrifying thing. Finding out your father raped your mother…that is horrifying, even if I don’t think it reflects on the child at all. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/68 "2010-01-28T20:41:00Z")
I voted “have the child w/lesbian partner” but that assumes she wants to have the child regardless of the father and life isn’t going to be one traumatic reminder thereafter. Otherwise, abortion is the next alternative, but whatever she \*wants \*to do is OK. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/69 "2010-01-28T20:59:27Z")
But what if she is trapped under a flaming car? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/70 "2010-01-28T21:01:31Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > But what if she is trapped under a flaming car? She’s a lesbian. She’ll just fling it off her. ---
**Author:** ![Danika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dfb087/32.png) [@Danika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danika)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/71 "2010-01-28T21:09:18Z")
She should of course do what she feels is the best for her. If I were in her shoes I think I would either take an abortion or give the child up for adoption. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to love the child enough knowing who it’s father was. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/72 "2010-01-28T22:41:27Z")
My preference would be to let the child be born. Then either keep it or give it up, whichever she feels the need to do. If she’s okay with raising the baby, then more power to her. If not, then there must be someone out there who would love it and be happy to have it in their family. I don’t think it would be in the best interest of the child to grow up in the family of its biological father. Of course, unless she was a good friend and actually asked me, I wouldn’t say anything about any of it to her, except maybe, “What a cute baby,” if she decided to keep it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/73 "2010-01-28T23:19:18Z")
> [@PatriotGrrrl](#): > > In my ideal society she would have beaten him up before he could rape her. (Of course I don’t know the circumstances so I don’t know if it would have been possible in this case.) You need to aim higher! An ideal society with no rapists at all! Like others I couldn’t choose – she should do what she wishes, with input from her partner. Personally I can’t imagine being able to go through with that pregnancy. I know women who \*wanted \* children and still felt a lack of control when they were pregnant and gave birth (and, of course, now that they’ve got kids). And I’ve known women who have had trouble looking at a child who reminds them of an abusive ex-spouse. And it will come out, eventually. Maybe not until the kid is grown up, but the child will find out where they came from, and I imagine it will be pretty traumatizing. But if a woman feels that having a child will allow something good to come out of evil, then so be it. Everyone’s different. Maybe that’s what she needs to heal. And she has the right to change her mind. And everyone else can feck off. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/74 "2010-01-29T00:11:55Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Didn’t the ER give her a morning after pill? Not every ER provides emergency contraception to rape victims. Often these hospitals are affliated with a certion religious organization that shall remain nameless. Even if it’s a stanger rape the rapist will find out about the pregnancy if he’s caught. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/75 "2010-01-29T00:14:04Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > You need to aim higher! An ideal society with no rapists at all! Since I started all this…I think a society with no rapists whatsodamnever is utopian. One in which all women are capable of overpowering all potential rapists, and capable of telepathically knowing when they should and should not do so violently, is fantabulous. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/76 "2010-01-29T00:26:24Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That really takes this into murky territory - child support, father’s rights, visitation - I think we’re all fairly agreed that courts make decisions like this based on what is right for the child at this point; it isn’t out of the question that they could order child support and visitation (in spite of how incredibly wrong that sounds). Sounds wrong, but you’re [right](http://www.feministing.com/archives/004975.html). > [@](#): > > Henry J. Weldy, father of Kim Linetty’s three children, brutally raped Linetty four years ago: > > ``` > She details the multiple phone calls to police, her screams to neighbors and the swelling sense of dread that something horrible was about to happen to her. > > Then Linetty tells of the attack -- how he wrestled her to the ground, punched her in the head, pulled down her pants and raped her, covering her mouth and threatening death during the assault. > > ``` > > In January, a judge ordered that Linetty take her children to Indiana State Prison to visit their rapist father. Using mind-boggling logic, father’s rights activists claim that this is in the best interest of the children. > > ``` > "You don't deny children the right to see their parents based on issues between the parents," said Mike McCormick, executive director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, based in Washington. > > "I'm in no way downplaying the seriousness of the fact that he is convicted of raping her, but that consideration is separate and distinct from the issue of the child maintaining a relationship with their father, even in circumstances of incarceration," McCormick said. > > ``` ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/77 "2010-01-29T01:35:04Z")
Gotta go w/ the \*\*MsWhatsit \*\*Answer. It’s a damn good one. Better than “none of my business” which is a cop out, but “It’s up to woman/relationship to decide what’s best for them” pretty much hits it in one. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/78 "2010-01-29T01:50:15Z")
other: do what ever the hell _she_ wants, not what _I_ would do. I may be pro life, but I will never tell another woman what to do with her own body. It is entirely up to her how she wants to handle it. I can see wanting to abort it, I can see wanting to have it and give it up, and I can see keeping it and raising it and there is no difference between single and with a lesbian partner. I do not know any proper partner who would refuse to raise a child with their partner no matter how it was concieved. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/79 "2010-01-29T03:44:39Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > I want to make sure we’re not equating all anti-abortion folks with the morons giving the unsolicited advice in the OP. At least a couple of us in this thread have identified as anti-abortion and indicated that we respect the mother’s choice to raise the child with her partner. Ditto. To be precise, I call myself a 95% pro-lifer. Rape is in that 5% category where I’m pro-choice. Add to that, that I generally believe the ideal situation for a child is to be raised by a stable, nurturing mother & father, if at all possible. BUT the woman got raped and chose to have the child, which is pretty damn heroic, and so her raising the child with her lesbian partner should not be questioned by anyone else. And again, a boot up the butts of any anti-abortion folk who tell her otherwise! Oh yeah- and can we throw in that I believe the rapist should be castrated or executed? ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763/80 "2010-01-29T04:11:21Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > There is no “right” thing to do; her own desires are what matter. All in all, I agree with the trend of the thread. In a complex and tragic situation like this, the one person best able to decide is the mother. But I question at least the wording of **Kyla** ’s comment. Should such a decision be made based on the mother’s “own desires?” This is a very heavy moral crossroad in a life. Ought a person only concern him (her) self with what they themselves want as opposed to what they perceive as morally right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lesbian-is-raped-and-gets-pregnant-what-is-the-best-thing-to-do/526763.md?page=5)