Oh, I do believe it. Actually, allow me to rephrase: “over his dead body and yours, asshole.” (the “yours” refers to the people making such a harebrained suggestion, eh!)
I’m pro-life/pro-choice and anti-death penalty, but people like that make me reconsider the last part. The rapist took away one of the most important pieces of the choice: that of choosing when and with whom you have sex.
This particular situation was more complicated than I made it out to be, because the man was from a fundie Christian family who argued that “If a lesbian can be a good mother, a rapist can be a good father.” They threatened a court battle for “father’s rights,” but the mother called their bluff (it happened in California) and the issue died.
Agreed. The whole point of being pro choice is that a woman gets a say. Saying that a woman should get an abortion isn’t pro choice if she doesn’t feel the same way.
For me, I’d get an abortion because I don’t want to be pregnant–whether from a consensual encounter or a rape. I don’t want children or to be pregnant. So my POV has nothing to do with what your friend wants or needs.
No option for “None of my business”
The best thing in that situation would be to tell the anti-abortion people to fuck off and mind their own business.
If the question is “what would you do if you were a raped/pregnant lesbian in a stable relationship,” I really wouldn’t know for sure unless I actually was in that situation; I’d narrow it down to either abortion or raising it with my partner, but beyond that, not sure.
If the question is “what would you tell a raped/pregnant lesbian in a stable relationship to do,” I wouldn’t tell her to do anything. Maybe help her mull over the pros/cons of each option if invited to do so, but that’s about it.
If anti-abortion people could “mind their own business,” there would be no abortion debate. It’s legal and it’s going to stay legal. If you don’t like it, picket Washington but stop the terroristic tactics of harrasing women, picketing clincs, and killing people.
There is no “general rule.” There can’t be. And her sexual orientation is irrelevant.
The only answer is that the woman should talk things over with her partner and her doctor and make whatever decision she thinks is best.
If she’s personally anti-abortion, then that option is naturally off the table. Since she’s in a stable relationship, the “raise the child as a single parent” is also not an option, unless you posit that she might dump the partner specifically so that she can raise it as a single parent, or that the partner will dump her if she keeps the baby. Neither of which is the case.
In other words, this is way way too complicated to distill down to a poll.
On preview: In the case of the new information that you just posted, the above goes triple. There’s basis for an interesting discussion here, but doing it as a poll squelches that. Perhaps you could start a new thread with a more thoughtful and detailed OP, making it clear that you absolutely feel that it is the woman’s own choice but that you think it’s worth discussing. Or to build on what JFF just said, to “mull over the pros and cons.”
As with any pregnancy, it depends on how far along she is. If the fetus is viable, then option 1 is out. The last option was never, ever on the table. In fact, that’s disgusting to even suggest.
In order of best for the baby: Give to straight couple, raise with partner, raise alone. In order of best for her, it depends on if she wants the baby. Assuming she does, then: Raise with partner, raise alone, give to straight couple.
And why is there no “Give to gay couple”? I don’t see why anyone would want to pick that, but hey, they might.
I’m not going to second-guess or judge people’s decisions (so I didn’t vote).
Personally, I believe that 1) abortion is wrong and 2) a non-dysfunctional set of heterosexual parents is “more ideal” than a homosexual couple. However, the mother here has every right to keep her baby and I applaud her for committing to raising the child. Certainly there are a lot worse possible outcomes than being raised by a loving lesbian couple.
I have a question about giving the baby up for adoption. If she decides to do it, does the “father” have any say? Must he also give up his parental rights? Is it enough for a father to be not listed on a birth certificate?
I know that foundlings, at least here, have a difficult legal situation, and so cannot be adopted out, or at least not for a number of years. But that’s about abandoned kids. What about a situation like this?
As for my feelings about the presented scenario, I’m very happy about the described outcome, think it’s wonderful for the child, and share Nava’s opinion on the last option.
In a [del]rational[/del] ideal society, a violent rapist would have no rights to give up, what with having been beaten to death long before the baby’s birth.
Is distasteful as it sounds, I’m curious if legally the father does not have a right to the child (visitation, or the right to custody if the mother were to give the baby up). That would be horrible but I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case, assuming he is not incarcerated for the rape.
If the biological father is going to claim parental rights, then he needs to accept parental responsibilities, including paying for the costs of pregnancy, birth, and raising the child. I doubt if many rapists would accept that.
I like your use of rational here.
But I do understand the sentiment.
EDIT: Darn you for editing while I was quoting. 
If he’s a stranger rapist would he even know she was pregnant? And would she even know who he was to put his name down?
ETA: The OP didn’t say he was a stranger, though, so I suppose my point is irrelevant…
Obviously the best choice is “whatever she chooses.”
But, since you want what I actually think is best for society irrespective of the mother’s wishes? Abortion. In my opinion, the optimal situation would not allow the rapist to pass on his genes in this fashion.
Kick the anti-abortion people in the nads so hard that they become permanently sterile.
This. Even if the woman does want a child, she can find a better sperm donor. Even a drunken loser in a bar would be worthier of fathering a child upon her.
The fact that it would totally get his family’s collective noses out of joint is a bonus.
Well, I guess the best thing is whatever is best for her. I voted 'Keep baby and raise with lesbian partner" just because it seemed like an OK idea, but it would really depend on the woman.
Any of the choices (except perhaps the last one) seemed OK if that’s what she wanted. I have to assume that the last one isn’t even possible as the man should be in jail and not in any position to raise a baby.
I can’t imagine the inevitable telling the child about who fathered him or her. Even if the mother lied about it, I would worry that someone along the way would accidentally or intentionally tell the truth, especially if the child was looking into ways of contacting the biological father.
And yeah, it should be “Whatever the mother wants” for my vote.