# A list of red flags in relationships **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 28, 2009, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979 "2009-08-28T00:50:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/21 "2009-08-28T10:17:37Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Define flirting … Im in the SCA and flirting is an art form. It does not have to go anywhere, you know. Sometimes it is just being courtly and friendly. > > Refuses to touch, hold hands in public. Sorry, I dont do PDA more than a greeting kiss at an airport, and by that I dont mean a full on clinch with tongue. I am not comfortable walking around holding hands either. Now I am on crutches, that is even less of an option, 2 people cant walk arm in arm when one is on crutches. > > And I know someone who had a kid and the woman went to washington state and he never sees the kid at all, so it isnt his fault. We have on list also discussed breakups where one turns rabid fundie christian and totally severs connections. There are a number of reasons for people to totally lose their parental rights. I think the idea here is that these are not reasons to dump someone, but things to think about and contextualize. Everyone probably shows some of these things–I do–but they are the sort of thing you ought to explore a bit and make sure isn’t the symptom of a larger issue, and also things you need to decide, open-eyed, if you can live with. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/22 "2009-08-28T10:43:37Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Define flirting … Im in the SCA and flirting is an art form. 1. Is in the SCA. (Kidding! I’m kidding!) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/23 "2009-08-28T11:34:46Z")
1. Tells me the price of their car, stereo, computer, handbag, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/24 "2009-08-28T12:04:09Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > 1. Is in the SCA. > > (Kidding! I’m kidding!) I’ve been married fifteen years, but when I was dating I had a rule that I wouldn’t date current RenFesties. And while SCA isn’t as bad, it still puts up all sorts of red flags. There IS too much flirting, too much drinking, too many people who find monogamy limiting in those groups for me to be comfortable dating someone who made it part of their lives. A lot of people understand its “just flirting” - and in my experience for just as many it isn’t “just flirting.” (I was in the SCA for five years, and did RenFest for four - I’m not speaking out of my ass). ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/25 "2009-08-28T13:13:53Z")
Sexual politics. Always acts guilty whether or not she’s guilty of anything at the moment, psychological manipulation, so that everything’s always your fault, but she forgives you . . . Why yes, I _did_ used to date flakes, why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/26 "2009-08-28T13:39:16Z")
1. Doesn’t hate Yanni. Friends reference ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/27 "2009-08-28T13:46:33Z")
And SCA means…? (I’m only asking for the tragically unhip who aren’t savy enough to be in on our cool lingo.) ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/28 "2009-08-28T13:49:06Z")
Seriously, all the sensitive people about mental illness are missing the point. You don’t see me freaking out because I’m some of the things on the list, do you? Because they’re good and valid points. It was a _huge mistake_ to date people who weren’t as smart as me. Sorry, it was. It doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with any of us, but it didn’t work out as a relationship. (Ditto the “different culture” thing - dating somebody not as smart as me AND in the military? Whoops.) ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/29 "2009-08-28T14:00:52Z")
1. Wants to date you even though they feel the need to keep reminding you that you aren’t their type. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/30 "2009-08-28T14:50:31Z")
1. Doesn’t so much walk as slide along and leave a slimy trail behind them. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/31 "2009-08-28T15:01:20Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > 1. Doesn’t so much walk as slide along and leave a slimy trail behind them. Unless they glide. It’s a very attractive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/32 "2009-08-28T15:02:50Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > And SCA means…? > > (I’m only asking for the tragically unhip who aren’t savy enough to be in on our cool lingo.) [SCA](http://www.sca.org/). ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/33 "2009-08-28T15:08:46Z")
I’m getting the impression that the human race is going to die out. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/34 "2009-08-28T15:13:42Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I’m getting the impression that the human race is going to die out. Not likely, what with all the people who, even when confronted with a list of red flags as long as their arm, don’t heed them so long as a warm body of the appropriate sex presents itself to them. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/35 "2009-08-28T15:31:05Z")
Basically, never have contact with any of those deeply flawed creatures known as human beings. Masturbate to porn, and if you need to procreate, send around clinically certified samples of semen and eggs to be combined in test tubes. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/36 "2009-08-28T15:32:31Z")
1. Complains about having to pick up the dinner tab occasionally, when they are living with you rent free. ---
**Author:** ![cdsilv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cdsilv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cdsilv)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/37 "2009-08-28T15:52:40Z")
1. Asks me the question ‘Does this make my butt look big?’ and expects any answer other than ‘No, your butt looks lovely.’ ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/38 "2009-08-28T15:54:06Z")
I HATE, HATE, HATE public lists of red flags such as these. Of course it’s fine to have private lists of things that you personally wouldn’t put up with. But a public list that says what someone else thinks are bad drive me up the wall. Neither me nor my wife would have passed many of these tests, yet we’ve been married for years and are happier than ever. ETA: For example, one of the first red flag listed is: 1. Has had notably more than normal relationships, given their age group. That fits both of us to some extent, but especially my wife. I am actually her first serious relationship ever. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/39 "2009-08-28T15:59:53Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > I HATE, HATE, HATE public lists of red flags such as these. Of course it’s fine to have private lists of things that you personally wouldn’t put up with. But a public list that says what someone else thinks are bad drive me up the wall. > > Neither me nor my wife would have passed many of these tests, yet we’ve been married for years and are happier than ever. > > ETA: For example, one of the first red flag listed is: > > 1. Has had notably more than normal relationships, given their age group. > > That fits both of us to some extent, but especially my wife. I am actually her first serious relationship ever. That should be 17 and “fewer” ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979/40 "2009-08-28T16:28:07Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > I HATE, HATE, HATE public lists of red flags such as these. Of course it’s fine to have private lists of things that you personally wouldn’t put up with. But a public list that says what someone else thinks are bad drive me up the wall. Why can’t people share? How does her opinion condemn yours? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-red-flags-in-relationships/507979.md?page=3)