# A list of things my children will never have to experience/worry about **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 6, 2018, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154 "2018-08-06T03:29:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/1 "2018-08-06T03:29:47Z")
[ul] War Genocide Poverty Pollution Rape, murder, robbery, assault, or any other crime Imprisonment Finding employment Working at a job they hate Mass shootings/random violence Tyranny Taxes Torture Imprisonment Terrorism Loneliness Having to find a mate Boredom Rejection Cancer or any other disease Car crashes Premature balding Injury Menstruation, urination, defecation, and other bodily functions Hunger Misery Grief Depression Mental ilness Guilt/shame Long waits at the DMV Long waits at the doctors office Debt Getting good grades in school Fatigue Lack of sleep Loss Heartbreak Desire for things they will never be able to have Anger Frustration Obesity Climate change Fear Loss Failure Nasty divorces Not having enough money to “make ends meet.” Old age and last but not least… **DEATH** [/ul] I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/2 "2018-08-06T03:31:32Z")
Let me guess, you don’t have kids. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/3 "2018-08-06T03:46:01Z")
Not losing their connection to Napster because someone picked up the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/4 "2018-08-06T03:50:07Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Let me guess, you don’t have kids. No, I have children. They just don’t exist in this world. They exist in the Realm of the Unborn, and they shall remain there forever. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/5 "2018-08-06T04:10:45Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? Not really. There’s an equally long list of joys you prevented them from having. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/6 "2018-08-06T04:13:06Z")
> [@OldGuy](#): > > Not really. There’s an equally long list of joys you prevented them from having. The unborn cannot be deprived of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/7 "2018-08-06T04:25:12Z")
Except life. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/8 "2018-08-06T04:41:05Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > [ul] > [li]War[/li]Genocide > Poverty > Pollution > Rape, murder, robbery, assault, or any other crime > Imprisonment > Finding employment > Working at a job they hate > Mass shootings/random violence > Tyranny > Taxes > Torture > Imprisonment > Terrorism > Loneliness > Having to find a mate > Boredom > Rejection > Cancer or any other disease > Car crashes > Premature balding > Injury > Menstruation, urination, defecation, and other bodily functions > Hunger > Misery > Grief > Depression > Mental ilness > Guilt/shame > Long waits at the DMV > Long waits at the doctors office > Debt > Getting good grades in school > Fatigue > Lack of sleep > Loss > Heartbreak > Desire for things they will never be able to have > Anger > Frustration > Obesity > Climate change > Fear > Loss > Failure > Nasty divorces > Not having enough money to “make ends meet.” > Old age > and last but not least… > **DEATH** > [/ul] > > I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? You forgot “Having a chronically depressed father to whom even Eeyore says ‘Hey, lighten up, man!’.”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/9 "2018-08-06T04:58:54Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > The unborn cannot be deprived of anything. If your children somehow exist in the “Realm of the Unborn” then it’s possible they’re not happy there. The only sure way to avoid suffering is to not exist. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/10 "2018-08-06T05:23:51Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If your children somehow exist in the “Realm of the Unborn” then it’s possible they’re not happy there. The only sure way to avoid suffering is to not exist. I was speaking allegorically when I said that. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/11 "2018-08-06T05:40:31Z")
These are also things Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny don’t have to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/12 "2018-08-06T06:11:19Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > [LIST] > I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? So you don’t give a rat’s ass about the rest of us having to go through all that shit, eh? Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/13 "2018-08-06T07:15:47Z")
You don’t have unborn unless your sperm got to the egg. You just have a gleam in your eye. ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/14 "2018-08-06T07:18:20Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You don’t have unborn unless your sperm got to the egg. You just have a gleam in your eye. ‘Unconceived’ would be a more correct term. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/15 "2018-08-06T07:23:55Z")
Ah, semantics. You know what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/16 "2018-08-06T07:26:40Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > The unborn cannot be deprived of anything. In that case they can’t be spared anything either. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/17 "2018-08-06T09:44:54Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > [ul] > War > Genocide > Poverty > Pollution > Rape, murder, robbery, assault, or any other crime > Imprisonment > Finding employment > Working at a job they hate > Mass shootings/random violence > Tyranny > Taxes > Torture > Imprisonment > Terrorism > Loneliness > Having to find a mate > Boredom > Rejection > Cancer or any other disease > Car crashes > Premature balding > Injury > Menstruation, urination, defecation, and other bodily functions > Hunger > Misery > Grief > Depression > Mental ilness > Guilt/shame > Long waits at the DMV > Long waits at the doctors office > Debt > Getting good grades in school > Fatigue > Lack of sleep > Loss > Heartbreak > Desire for things they will never be able to have > Anger > Frustration > Obesity > Climate change > Fear > Loss > Failure > Nasty divorces > Not having enough money to “make ends meet.” > Old age > and last but not least… > **DEATH** > > [/ul] > > I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? Mind. Blown. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/18 "2018-08-06T10:00:35Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > [ul] > War > Genocide > Poverty > Pollution > Rape, murder, robbery, assault, or any other crime > Imprisonment > Finding employment > Working at a job they hate > Mass shootings/random violence > Tyranny > Taxes > Torture > Imprisonment > Terrorism > Loneliness > Having to find a mate > Boredom > Rejection > Cancer or any other disease > Car crashes > Premature balding > Injury > Menstruation, urination, defecation, and other bodily functions > Hunger > Misery > Grief > Depression > Mental ilness > Guilt/shame > Long waits at the DMV > Long waits at the doctors office > Debt > Getting good grades in school > Fatigue > Lack of sleep > Loss > Heartbreak > Desire for things they will never be able to have > Anger > Frustration > Obesity > Climate change > Fear > Loss > Failure > Nasty divorces > Not having enough money to “make ends meet.” > Old age > and last but not least… > **DEATH** > > [/ul] > > I have found an utterly foolproof way to prevent my children from experiencing or worrying about **any** of the above. What would you guys say? You think I did them a solid? I think you just passed a solid. Granted, the world has a lot of problems. It also has a lot of joy. You’re depriving them of the joys of that first perfect spring day, of falling in love, of being a parent, of discovering a cure for that disease or writing that novel or working to better the world. It can be a joyless, unhappy world but for every challenge there is an opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/19 "2018-08-06T17:06:47Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > ‘Unconceived’ would be a more correct term. Are you sure that word means what you think it means? ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2018, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154/20 "2018-08-06T17:16:09Z")
It is inherently dishonest to leave out all the things your children will never experience and enjoy: Ice cream Bacon A threesome (the good kind, not the devil kind) Roller coasters Learning to read Birthday cakes Moving away from their parent(s) Seeing you called and not return the call There’s so much more to add, but I’ve proven my point. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-list-of-things-my-children-will-never-have-to-experience-worry-about/819154.md?page=2)