# A lonely voice crys out from the darkness.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2005, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301 "2005-03-13T05:58:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/21 "2005-03-14T21:16:37Z")
**Darwins Finch** you have allways seemed to be one of the good guys here. If you ever want to hang out or perhapse go to a San Francisco party/event get in touch via my email. Maybe there could be an SF dopefest in the making? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/22 "2005-03-14T21:24:00Z")
**Darwins Finch** you have allways seemed to be one of the good guys here. If you ever want to hang out or perhapse go to a San Francisco party/event get in touch via my email. Maybe there could be an SF dopefest in the making? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/23 "2005-03-14T21:55:55Z")
(throwing a gentle punch into your upper arm) Aw, Finchie, you always got me! As close as your email, as distant as a guy who prefers to use humor to real interaction, but I’ve been told as recently as Friday that I’m a good listener. Not good enough to figure out you’re a dude on my own 😉 but I don’t hang out in MPSIMS much. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/24 "2005-03-15T02:45:10Z")
**dropzone** : thanks for the laugh. I needed that 😉 **SlowMindThinking** : I gladly accept any help you might offer. My e-mail address is in my profile. And I do recognize your username. **Bippy** : Thanks for the offer. I really don’t know my way around the city (despite the fact that I walked from the ocean to the Powell Street BART station on Saturday), but I would like to get to know it better. Any recommended sights? Thanks to everyone who has responded. My apologies if I didn’t name you specifically, but know that I have taken everything said here to heart. Even though I don’t know any of you personally, it does help to know that people do care, and that I have made some sort of positive impact on others, even if more or less anonymously. ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/25 "2005-03-15T06:06:46Z")
**Darwin’s Finch,** would some virtual hugs help? I’ve been in your situation (but not with a roommate, which makes it much more difficult). So, one person doesn’t love you the way you want them to love you, but that doesn’t mean you’re not loveable. Love is irrational and capricious, and it doesn’t always hit the right people at the right time. You say you’ve been abused–have you ever had counseling? If you’re depressed, it can help a lot. The ocean is great therapy, too. I always feel peaceful when I go to the beach (even though for me it’s the Atlantic). For right now, take care of yourself and give yourself some time to heal. If you feel up to it, come on over and visit us in the [**Who’s Single and Available?**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=306683&page=1&pp=50) thread. Lots of cool people over there. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/26 "2005-03-15T19:11:48Z")
I don’t have much to say other than to echo what others have already written (and to mention that in this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=272029), yours was the first name I came up with). I suppose knowing that you are well-liked and highly respected by a bunch of anonymous message board posters isn’t quite the salve it could be, but please take comfort in the realization that others have been there before. I know (boy, do I know) that the last thing one may want to hear during these moments is words of wisdom or encouragement but, nevertheless, they hold true. All things do pass - some like the spring run-off and others like continental drift…unrequited love definitely being the latter! If you feel like seeing some real geology, I’m up near Kings Canyon/Sequoia and my email is in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/27 "2005-03-15T23:34:00Z")
Darwin’s Finch, I’ve felt something like you’re feeling after my last relationship went to the wind. In fact, I’d lived a couple of the last years in a pretty serious depression that I’d brushed off (to friends) as my ‘hermit’ side. One morning, I woke up with a startling and extremely clear thought. It was simply: ‘Whatever I’m waiting for is worth it’. It may not mean much to anyone else here but it has given me tons of consolation with the message it sends to me…not to mention I FEEL it to be true. Things will get better, the feelings you have are natural and perfect. Through the problems I’ve had, somehow, I made more time for others and made their days better. I still haven’t found whom I’m looking for, but I’m guessing she’s looking for me. 🙂 Take care, and my email is in my profile. Brian ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/28 "2005-03-15T23:56:50Z")
DF, I just got dumped by my woman after almost a quarter century–and I’m only 38! The only advise I can give you is “breathe.” And keep on doing it, especially by the ocean. The California coast is simply the most beautiful place in the world–get lost in it for a while and breathe. Dang. And don’t get too self conscious about spilling your guts on a message board. It’s cleansing and there’s probably at least 10 other people in your same situation who are afraid to initiate the pity party. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/29 "2005-03-16T01:10:54Z")
> [@Darwin's Finch](#): > > [ I really don’t know my way around the city (despite the fact that I walked from the ocean to the Powell Street BART station on Saturday), but I would like to get to know it better. Any recommended sights?. Not to hyjack this thread but Alcatraz (sp?) is worth a visit, and a day riding cabel cars is great for a day of sightseeing and photography. If you are interested maybe start a thread on things to do in San Francisco when you’re lonely. Also. do email me at my listed address if you’d like me to send you some links to local event information sites and similar stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Tenzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tenzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenzin)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/30 "2005-03-16T02:30:40Z")
Poor Sweet Darwin’s Finch’ I don’t know you, but your heartbreak makes me so sad for you. By your name, you know alot about the real(natural )world. I pay attention to that, alot. So, know, that spring is coming. Watch the sandpipers, watch the tidepools, watch every bit of life coming up now. See how much you see in that, and delight. I’ve been where you are now, and it was always the Real World of nature that healed me from the travesty of life. Seems so trite, but many fish in the sea, the main trick is in the swimming. Don’t know what to say here, except I hear your pain , and my heart will give you all best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/31 "2005-03-17T02:04:10Z")
Some people say there’s only one person in the world for you, but I don’t believe that. There are for most of us quite a few, but reaching a place where both parties (the man and the woman) feel ready to commit is a heck of a thing. Hence, most relationships will end in a break-up. Being dumped or rejected is the world’s worst feeling. Talking about it is good. “If you expose it, you depose it”; i.e. if you talk about something that is enwrapping your spirit, it loses (much of) its power. If you are depressed, I suggest a doctor rather than a therapist/counsellor for an intelligent fellow like you. Also, a man rather than a woman. Talking is better than drugs, though drugs may work too, even if just for their placebo effect. ---
**Author:** ![Skellington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Skellington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skellington)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2005, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/32 "2005-03-17T09:34:25Z")
I’m a situation that’s just as depressing. I won’t bore you with it now but just know that I know just how you feel. Other than that my perents never loved me (not that they had any obligation to) and have left me to do most of the bringing up of the younger siblings (who I love very much so not so bad after all). Your logic seems very similar to mine. If you ever want to talk to me you know where to find me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/33 "2005-03-18T23:57:31Z")
About eight years ago, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t capable of sustaining a romantic relationship. I had just had one crash and burn- I didn’t love him, and couldn’t make myself love him. I decided that the whole romance thing wasn’t for me. About a year later, I came to California (from Maryland) to visit astronomy grad schools, and met the future Mr. Neville in person for the first time (we had exchanged emails before that). I ended up moving out here, and we started going out around then. I almost told him not to bother trying to have a relationship with me, since I wasn’t capable of one. Now, we’ve been married for a year and a half, and are very happy. It just goes to show, You Never Know. Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/34 "2005-03-26T19:02:43Z")
Just bringing this back and looking for a reply post from **Darwin’s Finch**. Come in please. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301/35 "2005-03-26T20:36:33Z")
Wow, I wish I would have seen this thread the first time, but I don’t always read this forum. > [@Darwin's Finch](#): > > I’m done with it, and I didn’t accomplish anything with the time I’ve been given so far. And the prospects for the next 35 years don’t look too inviting. Now that can’t be true! You’ve accomplished something from my humble perspective, if nothing else. You’re one of my absolute favorite posters on this board, and it was from reading your posts that I came to realize how poorly I understood evolution. Your posts motivated me to buy a big beautiful book called _The Variety of Life_ by Colin Tudge, and I’m looking at it on my bookcase right now–it’s probably my favorite book of all that I own, and I think of you every time I take it down from the shelf, which is often. If you’ve had this much impact just by posting on a message board, I can’t believe you haven’t brought any joy to the people who know you personally. There’s not much I can add about your romantic issues, not having been noticeably successful in this regard myself, but you have obvious gifts as a teacher and I hope that will bring you at least some satisfaction. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-lonely-voice-crys-out-from-the-darkness/294301.md?page=1)