# A man's absolute worst nightmare. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896 "2017-04-06T16:42:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/41 "2017-04-06T20:23:51Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > “If you didn’t want sex, you would have fought back. You didn’t, so you did.” > > “It’s your fault for accepting a drink from a stranger.” > > “Don’t dress like that if you don’t want guys hitting on you.” > > “You shouldn’t have been out alone that late at night.” > > “You did so agree. You just don’t remember because you were drunk/stoned.” > > “Everyone knows girls play hard to get and no really means yes, keep trying.” > > “[That person] is a good [teacher/coach/minister] and would never do something like that.” > > “Quit making up stories to get attention.” > > “You’re just trying to make trouble for [person] because you don’t like them.” > > That’s how easy it is for a woman or child sex crime victim to be taken seriously by law enforcement and their own families. It’s so easy I don’t know why we all don’t do it! :rolleyes: Sounds like a prosecutor’s wet dream some of those statements. Tell me. What experience do you have in the criminal justice system as either a lawyer, judge or law enforcement official? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/42 "2017-04-06T20:26:19Z")
> [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > Haha, prison rape joke. Sweet. Not a prison rape joke. C’mon, that’s too obvious. Give me some credit! HINT: Just a Speck of gallows humor. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/43 "2017-04-06T20:26:46Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > Sorry to disappoint. Sorry, not you, the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/44 "2017-04-06T20:58:31Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Which ones? Not disputing that women get falsely accused, but which specifically? Good question. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/45 "2017-04-06T21:16:06Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I think most sexual assault charges are probably true. I don’t know how many can’t be proved. It depends on the physical evidence, witnesses and what the victim says. I want to see the guilty go to prison. > > A lot of these cases are extremely hard too disprove too. That’s why my office door is open when I meet with a female co-worker. I meet co-workers for business lunches. We don’t drive over in the same car. I do what I can to protect myself. I don’t want any of my actions being misunderstood. Why aren’t you afraid of a man claiming you tried to rape him? I mean, if a random crazy woman can accuse you of rape out of the blue, why aren’t you afraid of crazy men accusing you of rape? ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/46 "2017-04-06T21:21:24Z")
I’m a risk taker. 🙂 I guess anything is possible, but being accused of raping a guy doesn’t occur to me. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/47 "2017-04-06T21:45:37Z")
Right, and maybe I’m a risk taker but being accused of rape by a woman or a man doesn’t occur to me. I’m just curious as to why you think the first problem–being falsely accused of rape by a crazy woman–ranks as something to worry about which is why you avoid being alone with women, but the second problem–being falsely accused of rape by a man doesn’t. Is it because you don’t think it’s something men are likely to do–falsely accuse you of rape, that is? So why is it that women are falsely accusing men of raping them all the time, but men never think to use this weapon against other men? You’d think, if it were such an easy thing to do to ruin a man’s life by accusing them of rape, that men would be doing it all the time just like women do. So what’s the difference between men and women here? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/48 "2017-04-06T21:58:15Z")
> [@Azeotrope](#): > > “If you didn’t want sex, you would have fought back. You didn’t, so you did.” > > “It’s your fault for accepting a drink from a stranger.” > > “Don’t dress like that if you don’t want guys hitting on you.” > > “You shouldn’t have been out alone that late at night.” > > “You did so agree. You just don’t remember because you were drunk/stoned.” > > “Everyone knows girls play hard to get and no really means yes, keep trying.” > > “[That person] is a good [teacher/coach/minister] and would never do something like that.” > > “Quit making up stories to get attention.” > > “You’re just trying to make trouble for [person] because you don’t like them.” > > That’s how easy it is for a woman or child sex crime victim to be taken seriously by law enforcement and their own families. It’s so easy I don’t know why we all don’t do it! And then there’s this story covered in an episode of “This American Life” — [http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/581/anatomy-of-doubt](http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/581/anatomy-of-doubt) A woman is raped. She reports it. Her friends and the cops think she’s not acting like a rape victim should act. One of her friends calls the cops and says she doubts the claims. The cops then charge her with making a false claim. She gives up and accepts a plea bargain. Then … one of the investigators just by chance discovers a rape being investigated in another jurisdiction that has exactly the same “unlikely” MO that the victim originally claimed. Not only is that guy a serial rapist but he kept photographs of all his crimes, including the one against the woman who pleaded out to making a false claim. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/49 "2017-04-06T23:05:44Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I can’t imagine that it is any worse than the false accusations made about women. Since injustice is a like scored game you win… Oh, wait, it isn’t. Slee ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2017, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/50 "2017-04-06T23:11:45Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Why aren’t you afraid of a man claiming you tried to rape him? > > I mean, if a random crazy woman can accuse you of rape out of the blue, why aren’t you afraid of crazy men accusing you of rape? Vaginas are scary, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/51 "2017-04-07T00:33:47Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I’m just saying men have to be careful in today’s world. The burdon is on us to prove our innocence. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/52 "2017-04-07T00:39:26Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > :rolleyes: > Sounds like a prosecutor’s wet dream some of those statements. Tell me. What experience do you have in the criminal justice system as either a lawyer, judge or law enforcement official? Zero, which I’m sure comes as a total shock shock to everyone since I never claimed to have any, genius. I do, however, have 40+ years of experience at being a woman, and either I or other women in my immediate circle have heard all those things and more in situations ranging from guys getting grabby at a party to being stalked by creeps in the parking lot at work to a friend who almost gave in to a rapist becaus she was afraid he’d hurt or kill her if she fought or raised a stink (and who called police at my urging, and was “lucky” enough to get an officer who assured her that “not fighting/screaming your head off = consensual sex so quit wasting my time”) to a friend whose sister was gang-raped in college and talked out of pressing charges because the parents feared retribution. :rolleyes: Tell me. What experience do you have with unwanted sexual contact and reporting same to the authorities? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/53 "2017-04-07T00:53:51Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > :rolleyes: > > Sounds like a prosecutor’s wet dream some of those statements. Tell me. What experience do you have in the criminal justice system as either a lawyer, judge or law enforcement official? Who do you think says stuff like this? Sure bystanders might say it. But the reason this is an issue is because many police officers and investigators and and prosecutors and judges have these attitudes. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/54 "2017-04-07T01:48:23Z")
For what it’s worth, I ran a poll on this topic last year on the SDMB, [“Woman accuses man of rape/sexual assault. Who do you believe?,”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=807855) and\*\* 94% of Dopers voted, “I believe the woman.” \*\* However, although someone added: > [@](#): > > No, I think we’re pretty representative of what you’ll get from poll answers, (representative of the general population at large, that is,) he also elaborated: > [@](#): > > The discrepancy between poll and real life is the amount of information. Very people make their first rape claim to a complete stranger, and if the accusation is made about a person you know, then you’re automatically incorporating information you already know about them. > > For example, you might try that here. Create a new poll and ask “A girl you’ve never met accuses your son of rape. Do you believe her?” I’ll bet that even us enlightened social activists on the SDMB won’t muster 30% in favor of the girl. > > Rapists are always _those other people_, aren’t they? ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/55 "2017-04-07T02:45:09Z")
For a long time it was very commonplace, and the courts assumed guilt, that if a child said it, it must be true, with no meaningful cross-examination… So much so, that there was a well-established legal aid organization called Victims of Child Abuse Laws. Many incidents were later disproved, after men had spent years in jail. It was such a slam dunk, women were being advised by their divorce attorneys to claim sexual abuse of the children in order to close the door on the father’s custody and get him out of their lives. That was around the 1980s, but the courts have since come to their senses, to some extent. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/56 "2017-04-07T02:50:03Z")
Weird. Men never say they’re afraid a woman will hit them. Of course, most men can hit most women harder. Men never say they’re afraid a woman might sue them. Of course, men generally make more money to pay lawyers, and still _are_ most lawyers and judges. Men seem never to be afraid of women at all, except for just two areas: the one in which women deny them sexual access, and the one in which they might enlist the help of society to punish them for sexual assault. This seems to be the one spot where some men feel there’s a chance they might be the victims, and doesn’t it drive them crazy. Thousands of rapes per year, perhaps a dozen false accusations per decade (all caught), hundreds or thousands more rape allegations dismissed for specious reasons, hundreds of thousands more never reported to begin with, and some men are just _terrified_ that some random woman or child, _for no good reason_, (exactly how many women or children do you, average man, piss off every year) will accuse them of something they take great pains never to be accused of. The odds of being accused are low, and of being convicted are even lower, but still, the need to adjust public opinion by trumpeting the idea of false accusations is just irresistible. Too bad. My take: you don’t worry about false allegations of shoplifting unless your pockets are full of (completely innocent) candy wrappers. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2017, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/57 "2017-04-07T04:58:47Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > I was imagining this was going to have something to do with scrota and violent removal of such. Disappointed! I was expecting this: [6 things I learned having my penis surgically removed](http://www.cracked.com/article_22462_6-things-i-learned-having-my-penis-surgically-removed.html) > [@](#): > > Only when it’s gone do you realize that from a very young age, males take an approach to life that boils down to, “Everything’s going to be fine; I’ve got this penis here.” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2017, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/58 "2017-04-08T02:51:44Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > I watched the 1980’s cases play out in the news. A lot of good people were hurt. > > [Day-care sex-abuse hysteria - Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-care_sex-abuse_hysteria) > > I’m just saying men have to be careful in today’s world. The burdon is on us to prove our innocence. > > The attitudes of that lady in the Uber are not unique to her. It’s well known that the law can be manipulated with false charges. Out of every 1000 alleged rapes, about 350 are estimated to be reported, and of those 350 cases, 15 are found to have sufficient evidence to press charges, and 7 make it to trial. And of those 7, five result in conviction. Being falsely accused of such a crime is undoubtedly a nightmare (I’ve read some accounts, and actually the social ostracism tracks very well with my experience being falsely accused of lying about sexual abuse.) But the odds of spending years in prison on the basis of somebody’s mere accusation are vanishingly small. Probably even less so after that abortion of justice and common sense in the 1980s. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2017, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896/59 "2017-04-08T02:58:42Z")
Just to be clear where I’m coming from… I work for a domestic violence and sexual assault services organization. We provide everything from shelter to forensic exams to legal support. One of the most challenging jobs is that of our legal advocates, who have to explain to countless victims that the prosecutor will probably not take up their case because prosecutors generally only take up cases they are likely to win, and rape cases are notoriously hard to win, in part because the claim of consensual sex is so easy to make on the part of the alleged perpetrator. The idea that there are all these prosecutors eager to pick up cases with little to no evidence is what I find contradictory with the legal realities victims at my agency face. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mans-absolute-worst-nightmare/783896.md?page=2)