# A Marriage Proposal **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 22, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734 "2011-05-22T00:55:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734/41 "2011-05-23T18:03:05Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > it has nothing to do with the point of this thread. Yet, you want to facilitate the alleged hi-jack by further commenting…genius. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![FrancisCastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b4bc9f/32.png) [@FrancisCastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrancisCastle)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734/42 "2011-05-23T18:37:56Z")
Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences/opinions. My ex-husband was a serial cheater, but for a long time I blamed myself for the divorce. There were a lot of “if onlys” that went through my head. Also, we did have children together, so I have already been through that whole mess. I dated for a while after the divorce, but I never introduced anyone to my children. When I met my BF, we instantly hit it off. In a few months he met my kids, and a few months later we were living together. We’ve been through many emotional times together and I really can see myself spending my life with him. I’ve thought about my problems with marriage, and I think someone above had a good point… > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > \<_snip_\> the paper isn’t what made your divorce shitty. It was the guy you chose. Also, **Manda JO** and **TokyoPlayer** brought up some really great questions that I need to ask myself. Probably questions I will answer and then talk about with a counselor. If anything, after reading this I am more open to conversation about marriage, rather than just blindly shooting him down. Plus, he’s already a great second dad to my kids, so I know our parenting styles go well together. So here we are…6 weeks down and 30ish to go! ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734/43 "2011-05-23T20:24:04Z")
> [@surrounded\_by\_literalists](#): > > If I were him, I would be unhappy that he has to suffer for emotional baggage your carrying around from your ex. This. He doesn’t get to marry the woman he loves because some asshole was a dick to her a long time ago. Yeah, that would piss me off too. A couple can have differing views on marriage, sure. But I’d guess it’s the _reason_ behind your aversion that’s the biggest problem here. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734/44 "2011-05-23T20:40:42Z")
I’m not a proponent of marriage either. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me that I’m in love with someone. However, I won’t counsel you to simply discount your bf’s feelings. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him, it’s important to take his views into account. Also, marriage grants benefits to taxes, so you may be intentionally making things harder for your family by sticking to the No Marriage rule. Maybe you guys can come to some kind of agreement? Say, you’ll marry him, but in 15 years, just to prove that you don’t need marriage to raise a good familly, and this way he’ll eventually get what he wants and you won’t feel like you’re being pushed into anything In 15 years, maybe it won’t matter to him either, or you will have changed your mind ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734/45 "2011-05-23T23:15:25Z")
My SO and I have been living together for almost 20 years now, no kids, and we have no plans on ever breaking up. As I’ve joked more than one time, we’re way more married than a lot of people we know, we just never signed the paperwork. I only regret that we never got to throw a kickass wedding party. I’m kind of predicting that we’ll end up married in the next few years, and it’s because of the legal entanglements. What would happen to the house and 401(k)s, if one of both of us died? Who can make health care decisions? If I die, my SO can’t access my pension plan, but a spouse could. After this long, splitting up would be just as hard for us as a divorce would be. The emotional, financial, legal and social upheaval would all be there. I agree with many others who have suggested taking a long hard think about what is it you are afraid of, and then get councilling, alone and together, until you can come up with something the two of you agree on. If that choice is to stay not married, be sure you see a lawyer and hash out pretty much everything that would be automatic with a marriage, especially pertaining to the future of your child. Either way, congrats on the pregnancy and good luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-marriage-proposal/582734.md?page=2)