# A mild rant to jarmommy **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 23, 2001, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095 "2001-10-23T15:30:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/1 "2001-10-23T15:30:56Z")
Dear mommy. I love you very much and I can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving. I think you’re a good mommy, and you’ve done wonderful things in raising my sister and I, who are both suffering from weird mental instabilities (but they aren’t your fault). I love to talk to you on the phone and chit chat about our day. But mom MOM Your reluctance to suspend your disbelief in the face of a joke is something you must MUST work on. There are a lot of jokes out there in the world that involve talking animals, ducks, dogs, millipedes, fish, frogs, cats…in the context of a JOKE, we must accept that in some parallel joke universe…animals can talk, and get married, and wear clothes, and write books, and go shopping. OK? Just accept it. Don’t bring me down after relaying a three minute narrative joke by pausing and saying: I _guess_ that’s funny…but ducks don’t WEAR shoes" sheesh yours in christ, jar ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/2 "2001-10-23T15:33:36Z")
hold on one minute, this makes no sense, I mean, jarbabys can’t post! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/3 "2001-10-23T15:34:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > we must accept that in some parallel joke universe…animals can talk, and get married, and wear clothes, and write books, and go shopping. OK? Parallel joke universe? Then what universe have I been in all this time? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/4 "2001-10-23T15:43:54Z")
one where the Vikings are a good team? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/5 "2001-10-23T15:52:32Z")
But, Brain, what if the duck doesn’t want to wear shoes? Narf! ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/6 "2001-10-23T15:54:27Z")
Ruining jokes makes baby Jesus cry. But what was the joke, jarbabyj? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/7 "2001-10-23T15:59:20Z")
This guy lives alone and was feeling a bit lonely,so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet- a talking millipede. “OK” thought the man,“I’ll give it a go…” so he bought the millipede,took it home,and for the lack of advance preparations made it a temporary home in a cardboard box. That evening, testing his new pet, he leaned over the closed box and said, “I’m going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?” He waited a few moments but there was no reply. He tried again, “Hey millipede,wanna come to the boozer with me???” Again, no response. Disgusted by his gullible nature in buying the millipede, he decided to give it one more try before retuning it to the pet shop. So he got real close to the box and repeated rather loudly,…“I SAID I’M GOING TO THE PUB FOR A DRINK. DO YOU WANT TO COME?” “For god’s sake I heard you the first time!!” snapped the millipede, “I’m just putting my shoes on…” ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/8 "2001-10-23T16:18:26Z")
But millipedes don’t wear shoes, do they? ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/9 "2001-10-23T16:24:29Z")
Holy shit…a talking millipede. ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/10 "2001-10-23T16:24:32Z")
Hey jarbaby, try this one on her: A guy is sitting at home one night watching TV. He hears a knock at the door, but when he gets up out of his comfy chair to answer it, there’s no one there. Only a snail on the doormat. Pissed, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it across the yard. A year later, the guy is once again settled into his comfy chair and hears another knock. He answers the door. “What the hell was that all about?” says the snail. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/11 "2001-10-23T16:28:49Z")
I’ve told her that one. No laugh. She’s an interesting gal, my mom ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/12 "2001-10-23T16:30:39Z")
Holy shit! You mean millipedes can’t talk? What about that huge one that I tried to smoosh with my shoe last year? You know, the one that looked me right in the eye and said, “I don’t think so, asshole.” [sub]Or was that the tequila talking…?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/13 "2001-10-23T16:38:35Z")
I think I would’ve liked the joke better with the original duck, ducks are funny. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/14 "2001-10-23T16:41:12Z")
however, a duck putting two shoes on wouldn’t be as funny or takes as much time as a millipede putting on a million of them. Comedy gold. I’ve never heard this joke with a duck in the starring role. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/15 "2001-10-23T16:46:20Z")
I used the duck in the OP just because it popped into my head as an example. I don’t have any duck/shoe jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/16 "2001-10-23T16:55:47Z")
Don’t you hate it when you’re composing a smart-ass reply and someone comes along and totally ruins it by explaining things. I don’t have any duck/show jokes either, but I like this one, who knows, the ducks may have been wearing shoes: A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he’s going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn’t know what to do anymore. The officer says, “Look, there’s a zoo not far from there and that’s where you should be taking them. That will take care of your problem.” The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks. The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, “I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!” “I did that,” said the driver, “but now they want to go to the beach!” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/17 "2001-10-23T17:11:46Z")
I heard that one with penguins. Penguins in sunglasses? Comedy Gold! Ducks in sunglasses just don’t have the appeal. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/18 "2001-10-23T17:15:54Z")
I heard that joke with a bunch of mods in sunglasses. comedy gold! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/19 "2001-10-23T17:17:24Z")
A duck walks into a bookstore and waddles up to the counter. “Got any bananas?” asks the duck. “No,” says the guy behind the counter. “Get out of here. We’re not supposed to have animals in here.” “Okay,” says the duck, and waddles out. Five minutes later the duck waddles back into the store. “Got any bananas?” asks the duck. “No!” says the guy. “Get out of here!” “Okay,” says the duck, and waddles out. Five minutes later the duck waddles back into the store. “Got any bananas?” asks the duck. “No!” says the guy. “Get out of here! And if you come back, I’m going to nail your **shoes** to the floor!” “Okay,” says the duck, and waddles out. Five minutes later the duck waddles back into the store. “Got any nails?” asks the duck. “Umm… no?” says the guy behind the counter. “Got any bananas?” asks the duck. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/20 "2001-10-23T17:23:03Z")
Ducks are funnier than penguins. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095.md?page=2)