# A mild rant to jarmommy **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 23, 2001, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095 "2001-10-23T15:30:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/61 "2001-10-24T18:01:12Z")
Look, Uke–I’m not saying that there aren’t jokes where penguins are perfectly appropriate. I’m not even saying that there might not be a joke or two where penguins are actually _funnier_ than ducks. But it is a foundational tenet of comedy that ducks are funnier than penguins. Just like bananas are funnier than apples. You might as well try to argue Newton’s 3rd law of motion. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/62 "2001-10-24T18:05:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\*You might as well try to argue Newton’s 3rd law of motion. Sheesh. \*\* **Green Bean’s** 3rd Law of Comedy: **Every penguin has an equal, opposite, and funnier duck.** ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/63 "2001-10-24T18:07:13Z")
IS TILL COMING OR NOT? ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/64 "2001-10-24T18:07:56Z")
So it is true? “For every quacktion there is an equal and opposite re-quacktion.” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/65 "2001-10-24T18:14:30Z")
**Green Bean** : Yeah, yeah, just wait till the **jarbaby** party…you get a load of these penguins, you will laugh and laugh. The only time you’ll want to see a duck after that is on your plate, with a little orange sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/66 "2001-10-24T18:16:22Z")
**pcubed** : > [@](#): > > I draft up the jarbaby party thread, hit submit, while waiting notice that she’s posted, cancel submit, reload the thread. Phew, looks like it cancelled. Write new repsonse. Besides which, you repeated my duck/elephant jokes from the first page as if you hadn’t read them. My Aunt Frances won’t be at the party for **jarbabyj** , will she? I hope not; she’s a creationist in Jacksonville. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/67 "2001-10-24T18:20:40Z")
The ants in France are canting on the pants. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/68 "2001-10-24T18:27:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fiver \* > **Besides which, you repeated my duck/elephant jokes from the first page as if you hadn’t read them.** Oh I read them. They burned with a brightness akin to a thousand stars, such was the humor contained within. They were so bright they must have burned their way into my memory and then blinded my sense of the already-been-done. For this, all I can say is mea culpa, please forgive your humble servant. ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/69 "2001-10-24T19:05:40Z")
Our scene opens with Jarbabyj in the emergency room talking with the resident on duty. . . Doctor: “I’m afraid it doesn’t look good, Jess.” Jarbabyj: “What, Doc?” Tell me! Is she going to be okay?" Dr: “Well, maybe you’d better sit down.” J: “Dammit, Doc. Just tell me!” Dr: “Okay, okay. Your mother is. . .well, she has. . . no her sense of humor.” It’s a rare condition, and there’s no cure." Jarbabyj buries her head in the doctors chest, sobbing. Dr: “There there, Jess. It’s not as bad as it may seem. Many people with no sense of humor lead relatively normal lives. Of course, she won’t be going to any comedy clubs any time soon.” J: “Is there anything we can do to help her?” Dr: “Well, we have had some success with humor therapy.” J: “Humor therapy?” Dr: “Yes. You have to start off slow. You know, knock-knock jokes and children’s riddles. Then we gradually work up to puns and other wordplay.” J: “What about ducks and other animals. Will she ever get those jokes?” Dr: “Easy there, kiddo. We don’t want to rush things. Mommyj has a long recovery ahead of her. Too much too soon and she’ll be a blithering idiot before you can say the punchline.” J: “Um, okay Doc. Whatever you think is best.” Dr: “That’s a good girl.” Close curtain. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/70 "2001-10-24T19:16:11Z")
The mother of a friend of mine in high school and college was like your mom, **jarbabyj** , except that she was completely unable to grasp the concept of hypothetical situations. You’d say something like “Imagine they were talking about you, then think about how you’d feel in that situation.” She’d say, “But they weren’t.” “Yes, I know, but _imagine_ that they were.” “I don’t understand. They _weren’t_ talking about me.” Etc. ad nauseam. Drove my friend crazy. ---
**Author:** ![jmonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dbc845/32.png) [@jmonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jmonster)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/71 "2001-10-24T19:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > I used the duck in the OP just because it popped into my head as an example. I don’t have any duck/shoe jokes. That’s because **ducks don’t wear shoes**! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/72 "2001-10-24T19:30:40Z")
I have no idea why this works, but a friend of mine introduced me to it it and it seems infallible. Imagine a dog with a wheel for back legs. pad, pad, squeek, pad, pad, squeek. It’s impossible not to laugh. [Sound of 200 posters writing Shade off as a weirdo] ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/73 "2001-10-25T02:35:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LindyHopper \* > **The mother of a friend of mine in high school and college was like your mom, jarbabyj, except that she was completely unable to grasp the concept of hypothetical situations. You’d say something like “Imagine they were talking about you, then think about how you’d feel in that situation.” She’d say, “But they weren’t.” “Yes, I know, but _imagine_ that they were.” “I don’t understand. They _weren’t_ talking about me.” Etc. ad nauseam.** > [@](#): > > \*\*jarbabyj said: > For instance, I sent my mother (who doesn’t like swearing or drinking or ‘naughty talk’) the ducks going to the zoo joke and she said: > “How did he get all those ducks in the first place?” > So you see what I’m up against. \*\* I swear both these women (jatbabyj’s mom and the one LindyHopper mentioned) are my mother-in-law. You can’t tell her **any** joke without her trying to dissect it. The duck joke…exactly! I can just hear her: “How did he get all those ducks? If he took them to the zoo, why did he still have them? Didn’t he leave them at the zoo?” Same thing with the hypothetical situation. You can’t tell her to “imagine” anything. Only silly animal joke I can think of right now: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Big giant holes all over Australia! 😃 [sub]MIL gave me a totally blank stare when I told that one. sheesh![sub] ---
**Author:** ![DPWhite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DPWhite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPWhite)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/74 "2001-10-25T03:29:27Z")
Some people do not have a sense of humor. If the onset is sudden a trip to a neurologist is in order. ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/75 "2001-10-25T15:04:46Z")
I guess in this thread we have a model for the world we’d be living in if there were no hypothetical questions. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/76 "2001-10-25T17:02:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fiver \* > \*\*I guess in this thread we have a model for the world we’d be living in if there were no hypothetical questions. \*\* Good point, Fiver. I’ve often wondered what the world would be like if there were no hypothetical situations. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/77 "2001-10-25T17:21:49Z")
**jarbabyj** How about a reality based animal joke for your mom? Q: How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 2, but the problem is stuffing them in there… Does it work for her? Huh? It IS a problem stuffing two mice into a light bulb, y’know… -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/78 "2001-10-25T19:23:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > \*\*Q: How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb? > > -Tcat \*\* Bzzzt. How many mice does it take to \*\*screw \*\*in a lightbulb. You’re definitely going to get jarmommy to give you a blank stare with that first one. Q. And what do you get when you cross and elephant with a rhino? A. Elephino. (Hell if I know.) ---
**Author:** ![Spiratu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Spiratu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiratu)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2001, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095/79 "2001-10-26T02:06:12Z")
As part of the continuing effort to get this thread back to the OP, I can contribute this almost-related anecdote: A friend and I are at lunch, discussing Dante’s _Inferno_, when a girl at our table chimes in loudly that, “trees can’t bleed!” We had been talking, see, about the punishment inflicted on those who commit suicide: that they would take the form of trees for eternity, and be pecked at by various mythological creatures (the Furies, IIRC), and they would bleed when the branches broke off. She found this absurd. Nevermind the fact that we were talking about a story describing a medieval poet’s descent into an afterlife that, despite being obviously Catholic, had thousands of Greek fantasy creatures like centaurs roaming around. Nevermind the fact that this girl is an atheist who should, I would imagine, find the concept of any afterlife at all, with people being gnawed at and burned in oil and whatnot and yet never dying, to be absurd. Nope, what bothered her was that the _trees_ could _bleed_!! “If they were trees,” said she, “they wouldn’t bleed. So, they must not have been trees.” She went on like that for days… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-mild-rant-to-jarmommy/89095.md?page=3)