# A misanthropic malcontents medley of minor moans. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 20, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305 "2005-07-20T15:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/1 "2005-07-20T15:51:31Z")
Gah! So pissed off! Maybe it’s because I’ve just quit smoking (3 days clean. Recognise!) but EVERYTHING is pissing me off today. Even this keyboard. It’s fucking sticky! It’s also just far enough in the corner (I’m in a net cafe btw) and hidden from view that I can’t quite dispel the paranoid fear that it’s sticky because some pervy WoW fanatic was saying hi to Mr Happy when no-one was looking! Boots! Fucking Boots pisses me off. For all those unacquainted with the company, Boots are a chain of chemists that sell a comprehensive range of pharmaceuticals but are staffed entirely by incompetent, (probably incontinent) **old** women (emphasis **OLD** ) who move at about 0.00008 miles per hour. This isn’t a generalization. It’s true of _every single Boots_ I’ve ever been in. Maybe during basic training they get implanted with miniature bombs that’ll go off if they move faster than the continental plat e they’re standing on. I was in a Boots earlier. Know how long I was queuing? Fifteen minutes. Know how many customers were in the queue? 1. including me. Now is it just me or is that just fucking unacceptable? None of the people in front of me had complicated problems which needed sorting out. I know. I was paying attention. It was just that the daft old bitch serving them was moving so slowly she was in danger of being overtaken by the rising damp. I swear, if there’d been a 3 toed sloth watching the “action” he would have said "Man, that bitch is slow! I mean, I’m a sloth, I know slow. But she’s frickin’ _slow!"_ And I’d be like “Holy fuck! Talking monkey! Quick Boots lady! Catch it before it gets away!” but she wouldn’t get it, because she’s so damn _SLOW!_. This netcafe is also too fucking hot. It’s like a sauna in here, dammit! I don’t want to speak to the owner about it because he’s one of those slightly weird guys who’ll start telling you his life history at the drop of a bead of sweat. So I’ll just put up with it. Fucking shit, though. Know what else? Divisive political wedge issues. Here’s a couple of newsflashes for the fucking idiots. Lefties: Any and all attempts to impose any sort of gun control only serve to make you more unelectable as a bloc. [LEAVE](http://www.guncite.com/gun_control_gcdguse.html) [THE](http://www.guncite.com/gun_control_gcdgeff.html) [GUNS](http://www.guncite.com/gun_control_gcdgaga.html) [ALONE](http://www.guncite.com/gun_control_gcgvsupp.html)! Righties: The left will NEVER yield any ground on abortion. Barring a vast cultural sea change (which, by the way, just ain’t gonna happen), any and all moves to restrict abortion will only serve to further divide the country. Get this into your thick heads. Just as many lefties are prepared to kill and die to protect the right to safe and legal abortion as there are Righties prepared to do the same to protect the Second Amendment. Jettison your fuckheads for Jesus contingent and get with the fucking program. And that pisses me off too. Fucking American Jesus freaks. I hadn’t intended this to be in the least bit political but I just thought about Pat Robertson, and if Pat Robertson’s fat, doughy face so happens to flit infront of my minds eye for even a quintillionth of a fraction of a second then I become posessed by pure hate for several days. This is a guy who told his followers to throw away their medication and trust their lives to the healing power of Jesus (which is, of course, only available through him at a profit) but who scurried away to secular doctors the moment he developed cancer himself. Fuck him. Although people who throw away their insulin and cease chemotherapy treatments because they believe Dr Jesus, at the behest of Pat Robertson, has taken time out of his busy schedule of doing nothing in particular to cure their ailments via the television deserve whatever they get, this doesn’t make Pat Robertson any less of a mendacious cunt. And so many people believe in his wacky end of times Christo-Fascist death cult, too. America is the most technologically advanced nation in the world but it’s filled with fucking zealots! How does that work? Take a break from building stealth bombers and pump some money into education! When [45%](http://www.gallup.com/poll/content/login.aspx?ci=14107) of American’s believe in some form of Young Earth Creationism, you just _know_ something, somewhere, is well and truly fucked up. Why can’t you people shut these fundie fuckheads the fuck up? Evolution is a scientific fact, isn’t it? I mean, do it for your own good. As a foreigner, it’s annoying enough to know that your President has to cater to these retards, it must be absolute fucking _murder_ for you guys to deal with it, day in and day out. And all this fucking bullshit about how Christianity is being repressed because fundie, fruitandnutcase, lobotomised, lockstepping, godboggled sheep can’t sit down and say fucking mass on the taxpayers nickle. MAN, that fucks me right off! I’ve been to America and you can’t throw a rock in any direction anywhere on the entire continent without hitting a fucking Church! And I’ve tried! Millions of cars have bumper stickers praising God and excoriating everyone who don’t. People have God books, God T-Shirts, God [Wallpaper](http://wallpaper.pair.com/), Christian [PHONE COMPANIES](http://www.uatnow.com/) who make their bucks convincing the terminally stupid that a sanctified subscription is the only way from keeping the QUEERE MENACE from infecting their souls through the phonelines and forcing them into deviant coke fuelled buttsex orgies with Bill Clinton, that purple Teletubby, and Ward Fucking Churchill. Still, these same people have no problem [fucking the corpse of Ronald Reagan](http://www.hailtothechiefs.com/Reagan.htm) so perhaps they’re more open to experimentation than I first thought. People [kill](http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/crime/terrorists/eric-rudolph/) for God, people sacrifice their fucking [CHILDREN](http://www.watchman.org/cults/chrdeath.htm?FACTNet) to God. How fucking marginalised can Christianity be while all this shit is going on? Fuck off! I really fucking hate fundamentalism. But I must say, the Muslim fundies piss me off even more than the Christian one’s. The Christian one’s do go apeshit from time to time, and are always really fucking pious and annoying, but at least they don’t make a day job of blowing shit up. I don’t believe in the existence of their God but their actions make me hope he exists 'cos if he’s a Just God he’ll send them to Hell, but if he’s even _half_ the cunt he’d have to be to condone their actions, he’ll still send them to hell because he’s such a bastard. Fuck it. I have a load more shit to rant about, but I’m getting tired, and I’m sure most of you got bored and left ages ago and that the only one’s still reading are just trying to prove their own tenacity. I’m also starting, to use, comma’s like, Scott, Plaid and when that happens you just know it’s time to, stop. Laters. P.S. - The first person to come in here to tell me to ‘put down the crack pipe’ or any other snide variation of that pithy sentiment will get my boot straight up their ass. ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/2 "2005-07-20T16:04:00Z")
Best. Rant. EVER. Welcome to the boards, \*\*George[/g]. Hope you stick around. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/3 "2005-07-20T16:05:45Z")
Moving, man. ---
**Author:** ![Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Licentious_Ectomorph)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/4 "2005-07-20T16:15:48Z")
Gah - nice coding. What the hell is [/ g] ? ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/5 "2005-07-20T16:19:39Z")
Hah, that was hilarious. I had to fake a coughing fit to avoid bursting out laughing here in my office. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/6 "2005-07-20T16:33:40Z")
I may not agree with everything you say, but man that rant had one crazy beat. However: > [@George Kaplin](#): > > I’ve been to America and you can’t throw a rock in any direction anywhere on the entire continent without hitting a fucking Church! Where in the US did you visit? It’s not _all_ Jesusland. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/7 "2005-07-20T16:39:45Z")
> [@George Kaplin](#): > > I swear, if there’d been a 3 toed sloth watching the “action” he would have said "Man, that bitch is slow! I mean, I’m a sloth, I know slow. But she’s frickin’ _slow!"_ And I’d be like “Holy fuck! Talking monkey! Quick Boots lady! Catch it before it gets away!” but she wouldn’t get it, because she’s so damn _SLOW!_ This is just fantastic. Very well done. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/8 "2005-07-20T17:04:00Z")
Just quit smoking, you say? I couldn’t tell. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/9 "2005-07-20T17:08:17Z")
Congratulations on quitting smoking. Good luck making it in the long haul. > [@](#): > > And all this fucking bullshit about how Christianity is being repressed . . . Bad paraphrase of Jon Stewart: Gee, yeah, you guys have only been in charge since . . . Constantine. I dream of a day when American can have an openly Christian president. Or . . . 43 of them. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/10 "2005-07-20T17:31:05Z")
This was truly a rant of beauty. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/11 "2005-07-20T17:40:02Z")
Great, great rant. Uh, could you pass the crack pipe, slice? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/12 "2005-07-20T17:50:05Z")
Smoking’s loss is the BBQ Pit’s gain. Wait, does that even make sense? Anyway, glad to read you. Y’all come back now, y’hear? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/13 "2005-07-20T17:51:43Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > This is just fantastic. Very well done. Yeah, I liked that part best. Nice to meet you, **George Kaplin**. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/14 "2005-07-20T18:01:13Z")
> [@George Kaplin](#): > > Maybe during basic training they get implanted with miniature bombs that’ll go off if they move faster than the continental plate they’re standing on. Bravo! Worth opening the thread just for that. You have a distinguished future ahead of you here. Welcome! ---
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/15 "2005-07-20T18:02:07Z")
What was the prescription you were filling in Boots? Because I hope you’ve managed to get some of it down your neck, by this stage!! This part here is a thing of beauty: > [@](#): > > I don’t believe in the existence of their God but their actions make me hope he exists 'cos if he’s a Just God he’ll send them to Hell, but if he’s even half the cunt he’d have to be to condone their actions, he’ll still send them to hell because he’s such a bastard. Note - I’m **not** a Muslim basher. The evil bastard bomber terrorists in question were just that - evil bastard bomber terrorists. Muslims are just fine by me. Evil bastard terrorist bombers, on the other hand, are not. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/16 "2005-07-20T18:51:09Z")
Kaplan? My name is Thornhill — Roger Thornhill — and it’s never been anything else. Unless you gentlemen turn out to be interested in advertising something, this pit rant is going to turn out to be an enormous bust for all concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/17 "2005-07-20T19:01:37Z")
> [@lno](#): > > Kaplan? My name is Thornhill — Roger Thornhill — and it’s never been anything else. Unless you gentlemen turn out to be interested in advertising something, this pit rant is going to turn out to be an enormous bust for all concerned. Color me confused. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/18 "2005-07-20T20:00:00Z")
That bit about the sloth - did anyone else hear the voice of Mitch Hedburg just there? Genius, man. Genius. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/19 "2005-07-20T20:08:19Z")
> [@lno](#): > > Kaplan? My name is Thornhill — Roger Thornhill — and it’s never been anything else. Unless you gentlemen turn out to be interested in advertising something, this pit rant is going to turn out to be an enormous bust for all concerned. And the winner of the Most Nonsequitors in a Single Post goes to… _drumroll_ Ino! Er, Roger! Er, Kapl… Yeah. You guys. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305/20 "2005-07-20T20:14:56Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > …It’s not _all_ Jesusland. True, it’s still [MC, USA](http://www.bambootrading.com/1300/1373.jpg) out in the boot-wearing. gun-totin’ plains. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-misanthropic-malcontents-medley-of-minor-moans/313305.md?page=2)