# A morbid question: What happens to SDMB if Cecil dies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 29, 2004, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090 "2004-12-29T14:05:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/61 "2004-12-30T19:05:38Z")
> [@sangfroid](#): > > Running ‘Cecil Adams’ through an anagram generator yields ~ > > Ed Acclaims More fuel for the Cecil = Ed Zotti theory. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/62 "2004-12-30T19:08:08Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > Abandoned? Say it ain’t so! I hope those bastards didn’t abandon him in some frozen wasteland, like Alaska or Siberia. Maybe we could all chip in a few bucks for a plane ticket to get him back to civilization. Now wait just a gol-danged minute! We may be a frozen wasteland and uncivilized, but _nobody_ is going to violate our litter laws! ---
**Author:** ![Cecil\_Adams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cecil\_Adams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cecil_Adams)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/63 "2004-12-30T21:48:06Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > When my cat died I wrapped him in newspaper. Somehow that seems fitting for Unca Cecil as well. Works for me. Just make sure it’s a Reader, or, failing that, an alternative newsweekly with a paid-up subscription to the Straight Dope. ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/64 "2004-12-30T21:49:45Z")
Do you care if I’ve clipped the coupons out first? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/65 "2004-12-30T21:56:37Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Much like Doctor Who, Green Arrow, Robin and other majestic figures, if Cecil were to die (or become stupid) The Powers That Be would annoint a new Cecil, invest him or her with the knowledge of the universe, and life would continue. So you’re saying Cecil is. . . _The Pope_? Wow. This is a bigger conspiracy than I thought. Personally, I for one welcome our new divinely-ascended, Jack-Chick-hated, supreme all-knowing overlord. Tripler But if we all have to die like Jamestown, may it be by the muzzle of a 1920s-style Death Ray. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/66 "2004-12-30T21:59:19Z")
Now we’ve settled on the burial manner, but the question remains for the remains: What section? Sports? Classifieds? Entertainment? ---
**Author:** ![jester21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed655f/32.png) [@jester21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jester21)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/67 "2004-12-30T22:00:22Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Does anyone know when The Great One’s birthday is, anyways? January 26th, 1961 http://www.upperdeck.com/athletes/waynegretzky/statistics.aspx ---
**Author:** ![jester21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed655f/32.png) [@jester21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jester21)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/68 "2004-12-30T22:01:26Z")
[QUOTE=jester21] January 26th, 1961 [cite](http://www.upperdeck.com/athletes/waynegretzky/statistics.aspx) ---
**Author:** ![jester21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed655f/32.png) [@jester21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jester21)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/69 "2004-12-30T22:02:54Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Does anyone know when The Great One’s birthday is, anyways? January 26th, 1961 [Cite](http://www.upperdeck.com/athletes/waynegretzky/statistics.aspx) ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/70 "2004-12-30T22:06:52Z")
> [@jester21](#): > > January 26th, 1961 > > [Cite](http://www.upperdeck.com/athletes/waynegretzky/statistics.aspx) No, [February 26, 1916](http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/PersonDetail/personid-77557) ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/71 "2004-12-30T22:41:46Z")
> [@Cecil Adams](#): > > Works for me. Just make sure it’s a Reader, or, failing that, an alternative newsweekly with a paid-up subscription to the Straight Dope. Of course, that makes sense. But simply wrapping you in newspaper wouldn’t be sufficiently dignified. I think mummifying you with strips of newspaper that are first dipped in liquid starch would be much more befitting. Then, of course, we must erect a pyramid of old Reader issues for your entombment. After all, if there is a Pharaoh of the SDMB, you are certainly he. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/72 "2004-12-30T22:48:32Z")
:eek: Er, uh… hey Cecil, didn’t see you there. Uh, I was just kidding about that human costume thing… You’re not gonna have me killed are you? ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/73 "2004-12-31T03:13:48Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > But before we do, we have to refute the urban legend that it was Kool-Aid we put the poison in. Wait a second. Kool-Aid™? Heh. Make it a decent wine, or nothing doing. Say, what wine do you suppose goes best with mass cultist Teeming-Millions suicide? ---
**Author:** ![RayMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e495f1/32.png) [@RayMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RayMan)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/74 "2004-12-31T08:04:51Z")
A couple of years ago, I bought one of Cecil Adams’ books. The book had a sticker on the front indicating it was signed by the author. I thought that was pretty cool, so I figured I’d check out Cecil’s signature. I flipped open the front cover, and there was the signature… …of Ed Zotti. No joke. The evidence is clear in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2004, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/75 "2004-12-31T13:07:13Z")
> [@RayMan](#): > > The evidence is clear in my mind. I HATE it when celebrities use Ghostwriters! ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/76 "2005-01-01T00:43:01Z")
Ed Zotti uses a ghostwriter? Oh, the lies stacked on lies… ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/77 "2005-01-01T16:43:46Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > Cecil, like any other [fictional character registered as a trademark](http://tess2.uspto.gov/bin/showfield?f=doc&state=2hn2n0.2.1), will only “die” when the Chicago Reader has no further use of “him”. According to that site, Cecil “died” quite some time ago. Other Data CECIL ADAMS DOES NOT IDENTIFY ANY PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL BUT WAS DEVISED AS A FANCIFUL NAME Live/Dead Indicator DEAD Abandonment Date March 29, 1989 ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/78 "2005-01-01T19:20:20Z")
Look at **tomndeb** ’s post in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=294458)thread. He explains. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/79 "2005-01-01T20:03:31Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Ed Zotti uses a ghostwriter? Oh, the lies stacked on lies… It’s true, Ed Zotti is retired and living in Key West. Oddly, the “ghost writer” writes in a cleaner and more grammatically precise way than Ed Zotti ever did, so periodically he’ll be given an admonition by Reader management to “Zotti it up” and make it little more ham fisted and acerbic, otherwise they fear it would be a little too bloodless. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090/80 "2005-01-02T01:07:44Z")
Actually, the clue is in the final words of Ed’s afterword to one of the Cecil collections. He expresses surprise that everyone is quite willing to assume that his real name is Ed Zotti. (Where’s the best place to hide something?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-morbid-question-what-happens-to-sdmb-if-cecil-dies/282090.md?page=5)